my hero zero

226.8 - 226.8 = zero. What?

Well, this week I stayed the same. (And my toenails are seriously chipped, thus the socks.)

Breakdown of the week that was:

Average daily calories: 1513

Exercise: 5 days for 6 hours and 40 minutes total

I am not happy, but I am not frustrated. I'm just not cutting any more corners. No more Panera. No more being lazy. Just hard freaking work.

The next two weeks I'll be weighing on Sundays, due to being out of town during the week for new job. And then I'll be in Atlanta (far from my native Kentucky) from 2/10 - 2/20, so I don't know what my posting will be like in that time.

Happy Monday! Good luck on the scale!

i don't need an excuse

So this is my morning. 229.2 - 226.8 shows a 2.4 pound loss for the week. Again, trying to be happy about it.


I averaged 1512 calories daily. I exercised 6 days for a total of 9 hours and 10 minutes. And I lost 2.4.


I also have a horrendous headache. I had actually planned an insightful post based on this week's sermon, but instead I'm going to put my effort into talking Nathan into making a trip to Starbucks for me. The post will come later. I promise.


How'd all your weigh-ins go?

we're gonna do what they say can't be done

Down 2.4 more!


But I'm not really happy. I have busted my butt this week. Granted, I ate out several times, but I did really well. I ate an average of 1315 calories a day. I exercised 5 days for a total of 5 hours. And I lost 2.4 pounds this week. But that's 9.8 pounds in 2 weeks! So looking at the big picture, I'll take it!

I am really impressed at how much I really have changed this year. Exercising is almost habit. We eat dinner, we clean the kitchen, we go to the gym. It's that simple. I don't know how I would be doing this without Nathan though. He's such a good sport and he doesn't give me the option to back out. And me depending on him keeps him there too.

I am really suprised at my eating. When I went out to lunch Friday and Saturday, I was shocked at how little I wanted to eat. I ate less than half of what was on my plate, and I physically couldn't eat anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want it, I was just listening to my body.

And as much as I am listening when it comes to food, I need to stop listening when it comes to exercise. I let my tiredness talk me out of keeping going. We exercised a lot, but I only did my full plan one day. I didn't do weight training at all. Because I was tired. I need to keep Bob in my head, remember how tired the Biggest Loser contestants always are.

I am hopefully playing the Biggest Loser in my own way this week. I have 2 interviews, so I'm going to try putting off my start date at the restaurant until next week - I go in for orientation today. I want to use this week to live at the gym, keep cooking, and increase the support I give to my blogging buddies.

I can't wait to see how y'all did!

You and I are a gang of losers

That's a loss of 7.4 pounds this week! Go me!

Good Luck Easter Challenge Buddies!

the dance we shared

Happy New Year's Eve!

So I officially weighed for the Easter Challenge this morning. 239.0. Big Ugh. Are you kidding me? Nope. It's true. I realized that I really have no idea how my weight has fluctuated as I kept this blog, only that this is my highest. In the spirit of all those great cable tv countdowns and yearly summaries that I am unable to watch (did you all know I don't have cable?), I decided to do a month by month blog summary of 2007.

February: I am a runner. I am respectful to my body. I am honest. I'm still working on it. I started running C25K. I had a great ephiphany about loving myself as I am today, not as I will be in the future.

March: I won a spelling bee at work. I had a tantrum over a magazine. I read a book. I made my first trip to Kansas. I ran and then I stopped running. I had a binge, started (but never finished) the Beck Diet Solution, and weighed 226 (after doing the math today because of vagueness then). I also took a lot of food pictures.

April: I officially stopped running. I went to Weight Watchers, had yet another awe-inspiring weight loss (lots of sarcasm there) , got a new car, and had a rant about points and serving sizes. I was interviewed by Fat Bridesmaid and had a successful weigh-in.

May: I wrote the post that entertained me the most, my jeans were loosey-goosey. I began a job search, had a ton of wedding guests, and learned that my grandfather has cancer. I realized that my beauty is an optical illusion. I quit my job and gained my 5 pounds back. I gave some of my weight loss success history, and we went to Asheville (where I "totally stuffed my face all weekend").

June: I went back to Weight Watchers and created my mission statement. I began the purging of my stuff. My whole family went to Kansas. I started a new job and had a successful weigh-in. I weighed 221.8.

July: I made a weight loss plan. I listened to my favorite sermon ever. We saw Nickel Creek. We found our new house. I had a boob ephiphany and made another weight loss plan. I weighed 225.4.

August: I bragged on my amazing husband. We sold our house and found a new one. I posted a Love List (complete with ephiphany). Our air conditioning went out. Work got difficult. We prepared for the move. I voiced my life coach dream. I obviously quit weighing myself here.

September: We moved. Very stressful. And we had severe phone issues (with new construction) so we had no internet.

October: Nathan posted for me! I made my 30-in-30 plan (another plan that was a huge embarrassing failure.) We saw Nickel Creek in Asheville (did I seriously not blog about this?), in Louisville, and Lexington. I found my weight loss motivation. I made more running plans that I did not keep to, and I did not weigh at all.

November: I turned 30. We celebrated 30. I took a lot of Thanksgiving pictures. I made a Christmas Plan (which fell flat before I even shared it).

December: We had an awesome trip to Asheville. I made sausage balls. Christmas! Priorities (including job hunt already). Resolutions. Weight of 239.0

What have I learned?

• When I blog every day, and am honest with my blog friends, I lose weight. (As in 5 pounds in April).
• How many times can I say I want to be a runner but I sit on my butt?
• If I stick with Weight Watchers, I LOSE WEIGHT.
• I make a lot of plans, and then I do nothing with them.
• We really love Nickel Creek.
• I take a lot of pictures.

Well, that's 2007. Here's to 2008!

see your face every place that I'm walkin'

So here it is. The dreaded scale picture. I honestly thought it would be worse. Thank you, Miranda, for offering the scale challenge. I challenge all y'all blog folk to do this. Show us your toes (in any state of repair) on your scale. With numbers on it, of course. How inspiring will it be to others to see those numbers go down?

I am honestly pleased with the color of my toes. After I got them done, the paint has a purple undertone that i don't like. But you can't see it in the picture. That makes me happy.

I also got up and did yoga this morning. I know. It's crazy. I also ate pretty well today. Banana, peanut butter and honey wrap for breakfast. South Beach Asian Chicken Wrap meal and mandarin oranges for lunch. Half a turkey sandwich and a small whole wheat bagel for dinner.

Wait, aren't I leaving out something very important?

You're going to think I'm lying to you.

But I am serious.

I did not have a Starbucks drink today.

Nor did I have caffeine in any other form (ICMocha, Pepsi, Coffe Ice Cream). Absolutely none.

I rock.

My headache is only minimal. I wouldn't even realize its a result of caffeine neglect.

I feel really, really good about how I have taken care of myself today. I expect days like this to come!

Rock on, bloggers. We'll make it.

daylight come and I wanna go home

I know I weighed in yesterday, but today I decided to be honest and actually post my weight. Today I am at 221.8. Almost as low as I was during this most recent round of Weight Watchers. Go me! I am hungry a lot, but I'm determined to push through it. I really want a bowl of cereal, but fitday won't load, so I don't know how much I've eaten today without it, and I don't know if I want cereal because I'm hungry or because I'm bored or because I'm craving something that is in Wheat Chex. Boo FitDay!

But today's eating has been good:

B: Starbucks and banana

L: Kashi Sweet and Sour Chicken with broccoli

D: Grilled Tomato Pasta and broccoli

Work was also good today. I think I am really going to enjoy my new job. Although today there was a wreck and I had to turn around and it took me almost 2 hours to get home. It's all good, though. I spent the time listening to a sermon that really confused me.

So I'm listening to this lady talk about gluttony. I know, none of us really wants to hear that. But she had me hooked. She started by talking about her own story and how she used her desire to be skinny and her love of food as roadblocks to God. I bought that. And I think that is something I have struggled with as well. She then discussed that in order to fight the battle of the bulge from a spiritual standpoint, we must give up our need to control things ourselves. We must repent of our gluttonous behaviors, ask for forgiveness, and allow God to help us. Again, I got that. I eat too much, I eat too often, I don't move enough, and I am not enough to fix that. I may have sporatic successes, but I can only do this for the right reasons if I let God drive. I have to want God to change my heart not just my body. That really spoke to me. I do often pray for comfort in my skin, for positive feelings of self-worth, for some sort of magical change that will turn my body around. But I pray for the changes to occur on the outside, not on the inside. What I did learn today is something I already know: I cannot do this by myself. And I must ask for, and accept, a change in my heart.

But then the sermon got really confusing for me. (And I still have 12 minutes left to listen to, so she may wrap it all up nicely.) She talks about how we use idols. We use food, television, other distractions as idols. These nasty little things also keep us from being the person God wants us to be. She talked about the time that we spend thinking about food, planning food, planning exercise, and that all this time could be spent in more productive ways, like meditating on God and His word. So how am I going to do this? I seriously think that in order for me to not be a glutton, I have to plan. I have to shop once for the week and not deviate from the menu. I have to have my exercise plan written into my calendar. I have to plan. She discussed planning like it would somehow also become an idol that was a distraction from God's plan. That's when I stopped listening. I'm going to go finish it up in a few minutes.

I have been doing very good on my 30 day goals. Limited meat in my Kashi meal for lunch. Yes, it is processed food, but it's Kashi! They care and are trustworthy. Still no tv. It was really hard tonight 'cause That 70's Show was on while we were eating dinner. But we resisted. I listened to a sermon on the way home. I am going to try really hard to restart C25K Saturday morning. Really hard. I have also been drinking a whole lot of water. That helps me feel better as well.

And I'm going to have a bowl of cereal. I typed out my whole blog, and I still want it. Doesn't someone say that when you get a craving, you should distract yourself for 20 minutes? I've done that, and I still want Wheat Chex.

Kitchen, here I come!

you're the one that I wanted to find

Yesterday was a busy day!

It started with weigh-in. Not good. I was up 2.6. All in all, that's two weeks without counting a single bite. And the night before, I ate a philly cheese grinder and had a little to drink at Kent's. I was actually just proud that I hadn't gained back all of my loss. So when I lose the 2.4 I need to bring me back to 5 pounds, do I get another pedicure?

After the meeting, we drove around looking at houses in the city my new job is in. We got very disheartened. It's so upsetting that moving 35 miles away makes such a ridiculous difference in real estate prices. For a house half the size of ours, it's double the price. I don't know what we're going to do. We found a house that's up for auction on Saturday, so we're thinking about seeing if that's a possibility. But we don't know. Isn't it cute, though?




Yesterday was also the day of magazines. New Runner's World, new Oprah, new Rachael Ray and I even gave in and bought People (I think) 'cause of the ladies that lost 100 pounds. It was very inspiring. Especially to see that it took them 2 years. It made me realize that slow and steady is the way to succeed. I'm just impatient!

But I know that the way I succeed is to plan. So here is my plan. Or my rough plan. We need to go to the store.

B: Oatmeal with nuts and fruit
L: Turkey Sandwich and Triscuits
D: Some meat and a vegetable from the grill

on the way up, I felt clean

Wow. I miss one day and I feel like I have so much to say!

I'll start with the weigh in. I lost a pound! I am so excited! That is my goal, to lose one pound a week. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but that's 52 pounds in a year. I'll take that! And that puts me at 5.2 lost so I can get my pedicure this week! That makes me so excited. I'm also going to get my hair cut. Very exciting.



This has been an exhausting weekend. I feel like I need a day to recover. See, Nathan's brother is getting married next Saturday, and the wedding is close to our house. So we're having guests (family and the minister) stay with us for the extended weekend. We spent this weekend cleaning. Really cleaning. I've been scrubbing floors all day. But that's not the most exciting transformations.




When we bought our house, we had a lot of work to do. Mostly the floors. We refinished most of the hardwood floors (sanding and stuff), but the back bedroom was just trouble for us. We sanded and nothing happened. After staring at it for months, we decided to paint the floors. I could not be more pleased with the way they turned out. (And, as always, Farley is in the before picture.)

We also have this set of closet doors in our tv room that were boring white. When we painted the nightstands, we had a lot of paint left over. And the paint is almost the exact color of our couches. So we painted the closet doors this weekend too.

Okay, and here I go being honest again. I think that part of the reason I have kept myself so busy is avoidance. I found out last week that my grandfather has cancer. They found it during a check-up and it has taken a week or so to schedule surgery. So on Thursday night, I will head back to Greenup to be home for his surgery on Friday morning. The doctors have told my mom and Mamaw that Papaw is otherwise in pretty good health and that it would be silly to speculate on how much or how advanced the cancer is.

And my boss is giving me crap about taking Friday off. I try to keep my personal life at home, you know, and I really didn't want to tell him what's going on. We have enough conflict right now that I don't need him treating me differently because my grandfather is sick. Oh well. Please keep my Papaw in your prayers.

And I'm worried about how I'm going to pull my part in the wedding this weekend. I had planned on being such a big help...helping decorate, helping cook at the rehearsal dinner, making cheesecake for the rehearsal dinner...and now I'm just hoping that I can make it to the rehearsal dinner. I know that everyone involved understands, but I just don't want to be a downer on such a special day. I mean, what if the news is really bad with Papaw? Will I just stay at home? Can I handle bad news without Nathan? I mean, it's his brother's wedding and he has duties as the best man. My brain is just going a hundred miles a minute. And that's why I got so much pleasure out of scrubbing floors today...that occupied my mind.

So I'm off to take a bath and call it a night. I'm exhausted from all the work we've done. And from thinking.

Food plan for tomorrow:
breakfast - starbucks and banana
lunch - South Beach Sesame chicken wraps
dinner - some meat and vegetable combo on the grill (TBA)

Thanks for listening. Have a great night!

what's the story, morning glory?

Yay! Weigh in today was a success! 1.6 pounds down! Go me!

It's been a long day of visiting with the families, and coughing, and blowing my nose, so it's time for NyQuil and bed.

Thanks for all the skinny vibes and anti-sick wishes! I'll have more to say tomorrow!

you were all I could see

So let me recap the last week: incredible automobile struggles. I had no car for almost a week. Mechanic tried to screw me over. Got a new car. Sigh of relief yesterday.

What does stress lead to? Eating. What does relief lead to? Eating. Thursday night was out of control, mostly healthy stuff, but I felt out of control. Yesterday was small portions of unhealthy stuff for 2 meals, and dinner was 4 (4!!) large pieces of ham and pineapple pizza. And who knows how many York Peppermint Patties. No exercise at all over the course of the week. Zero. I needed to weigh because it was my day. And I am sinking in my heels and not giving up.

Today is the end of my third week. I get on the scale. I was so unconcerned with my weight that I did not look at what my previous weight was. I usually know that number and frantically do the math as soon as the number pops up on the scale. So when the number showed up, I didn't have any idea what that meant. I had a loss of 1.2. Over a pound! Two weeks of incredibly hard work created a loss of 1.4, and a week of half-assing it led to a 1.2 pound loss. I should feel thankful, but I'm just confused. I couldn't celebrate 'cause I don't feel like I earned it, especially in comparison to the previous weeks.

But I'll take it! I really talked to people at the meeting and feel like I'm starting to make some connections. I know that will help keep me motivated.

Putt Putt will also help keep me motivated. I love mini golf. We decided today that on weeks that I lose, we will play after the meeting. I am so excited. We played the Miracles course at Jesus Golf today. I did pretty good and beat Nate by one stroke. I'm not competitive, but I'm even less athletic. Putt putt is the one sport I do well at, so I celebrate my victory!

We tried to buy a grill today, but we couldn't fit the assembled one in the car, and the directions to assemble a boxed one looked difficult. So Nate's going back with the truck after church tomorrow. And then we will have yummy grilled food! Tomorrow is burgers, corn, and salad.

That being said, I need to post my food plan for tomorrow. I don't know the exact points, but a general idea. And I'll try to take pictures!

Breakfast:
Starbucks
Banana

Lunch:
Hamburger (with A1, 2% cheese, grilled onions, lettuce, tomato and Bread and Butter pickles on a wheat bun!!)
Ear of corn
Salad (spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, mozzarella cheese, raspberry viniagrette)

Dinner:
Mandarin Salad (lettuce, slice of turkey, mandarin oranges, almonds, chow mein noodles, ginger dressing)

Snacks:
Fiber 1 bar
Apples and peanut butter

so glad our paths crossed this time today

Today started with a Weight Watchers meeting. I was so hopeful. I had been so stinking honest last week. I had written down every bite I put into my mouth. If I was unsure of points, I added one (sometimes 2) for good measure. I didn't even use all of my 35 weekly bonus points (I used 21). And I lost an astounding .8 of a pound. Whooptie-freaking-do. I was moderately discouraged. No, I'm going to be honest. I am incredibly discouraged. The meeting discussion was about excuses and things we tell ourselves that allow us to eat. I think it was good to hear, but didn't apply to me too much today. I have held myself so accountable for 2 weeks to have a massive loss of 1.4. I'm hanging in there.

I am hanging in there. I had a pretty good rest of the day. Nate and I met up with Kent and we went to Stella's for brunch. They had a buffet for brunch. It was wonderful, locally-grown breakfast foods. And I couldn't help noticing that I was the only fat person there. That told me that the food mustn't be too bad for me. I had some cheese grits (more grit than cheese), tomato strata, some sausage and potato hash (very heavy on the veggies) and a little fruit. I left feeling very pleased with the amount I had eaten and the choices I had made. I did not have french toast or biscuits or gravy or bacon or sausage or ham. And I really didn't want any of those things. I ate just enough. Not too full, but not hungry anymore either. Good times.

Then Nate and I went to Wild Oats. We were after whole wheat linguine and honey. We had a normal honey bear, but we approached one of those free sample tables. The lady was tasting this raw honey. We were suckers. Man, it's good. I'm excited to try it on our banana honey wraps!

We stopped at Starbucks. I forgot to ask for non-fat milk in my white chocolate latte. Thus I used 8 points instead of 6 (geez, I'm an idiot!). But at least I didn't go for whipped cream!

Then we came home and got to work on dinner (we'd had a long day!). I fixed Linguine with Asparagus out of this month's Rachael Ray magazine. It was amazing. (We had salads too...iceberg with a little mozzarella and O'Charley's reduced fat honey mustard.)


For anyone interested, the recipe is very easy.

Cook 3/4 lb. whole wheat linguine as directed on box. While that is cooking, sautee a chopped onion and 4 chopped garlic cloves in 1/4 cup olive oil. When onions are translucent, add 1/4 cup water, 1 lb asparagus (in 1 inch pieces) and one bag cherry tomatoes. Cover and cook 4 minutes. Drain linguine and toss with asparagus mixture.

Nathan attempted to fix the annoying rub/squeak in our elliptical machine. We thought he was succesful and I got really excited that I'd be able to work out at home tonight. But he reassembled the thing and the noise returned. So it's still not usable by me. I know we can't afford a treadmill, but I think I may try to talk Nathan into an exercise bike. We'll see.

I have spent a lot of times on blogs this evening, looking for inspiration and motivation. Ben's blog for today hit me hard. He talks about his decision to work through the 12 steps of Overeater's Anonymous. I know what that's about - I've worked in drug treatment. The program teaches total reliance on God in order to overcome our addictions. Although I do not think I need to work through the steps to ease my weight burdens, I do know that I'm not allowing God to help me. I have stopped praying about my weight. There's a big part of me that thinks it's silly to bother God with my weight problems. (I'll just pray and pray for a baby. That's what's really important.) I've stopped praying about my food choices, I've stopped doing my prayer journal, I've stopped listening to sermons. Why? I don't know.

I don't want it to sound like I'm deciding to take a good dose of Jesus and expect Him to step in and make me lose weight. That's not it at all. I've taken this all on me...I've attempted to control my weight myself. Maybe I'm like some of the kids I work with. Sometimes they are struggling with a task (homework, craft activity, something athletic) and they won't accept my help. Not only will they not ask, but they won't accept when I offer. They are so bent on doing it themselves that the don't even want my help. I think that's where I am today. Ready to not be so stubborn and ask for help. And actually take it. What will this mean? I don't know. A few days ago, I said that I was listening, but I don't think I really was.

So I'm digging out my prayer journal. I'm going to go back to devoting time each morning to really sit and listen. I'm putting new sermons on my iPod, specificially one titled "Leaving Control for Faith". And I'm working on doing that.

hold me closer, Tony Danza

I'm back!

The last few days have been great! We had an amazing dinner at Kent's on Thursday night. Shrimp (bang! bang! sauce!), sweet potatoes, tomatoes, and pineapple on the grill. Yumm. (Pictures to come when I get the pics off the camera.) Friday's highlight was Nathan killing his library test. Go Nate!

I went to Weight Watchers on Friday. I lost a whopping .6 pounds. Whooptie. I knew I had been watching for a few weeks, so I didn't expect the typical week 1 loss. Oh well. I am very impressed with my attitude so far, though. I'm not discouraged. I'm just motivated to exercise more this week. I really think that my attitude and encouraging self-talk are helping me stay on track. Nate's mom fixed Easter dinner last night, and I had one pretty small plate. She was going to cook a big breakfast this morning, but I fixed and split a banana peanut-butter wrap with Ralph's granddaughter. And, as we speak, I am not eating one of Dad's homemade waffles. I'm just not hungry. And I don't feel cheated or angry. Go me!

I found an Easter dress on Thursday. It still came from Lane Bryant. The fat store. But I decided it was more important to buy a dress that fit instead of buying a dress that I was uncomfortable in. I'll also be able to wear it to Luke's wedding. It's a wraparound dress, so it'll be a little more wearable than the typical dress as I continue to shrink. I'm sure I'll post Easter pics.

I'll be spending today in the kitchen. I'm going to make chicken salad for the big Easter dinner tomorrow. It'll be nice to know exactly how many points are in something. I'm sure I'll eat other things too, but at least with my chicken salad, I'll know. Then Mom and I are making stewed tomatoes. Dad is making spinach dip in a bread bowl and other random loaves of bread. I am so excited. I love being in the kitchen. And tonight is Mom's spaghetti. It is so good. I'll count it, don't worry.

It's nice to be at home with the parents and the brothers. Zak's in from Kansas and Nick is here before work. I feel like a kid again.

Have a happy Easter!

let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Today is a good day. Started my morning with Weight Watchers. Yes, I went. I was nervous to weigh, but I'm down 8 pounds from what the doctor's scale said on March 6. That's a good feeling and such a good way to start things off! And I'm only 5 pounds over the weight I was when I first started WW in March of '03 (for the wedding). As "bad" as I've been the last few years, I am very proud of that as well.

I went to Panera and got an IC Mocha as my last horrah. I barely drank half. Then I went to Joseph Beth and bought a Vera Bradly binder for all my WW stuff. (I LOVE Vera Bradley!) I tend to intellectualize WW and enjoy writing down and counting and planning, and saving my old plans for when things feel stale and un-fun. I feel like I've got all my ducks in a row, and now I just get to watch them shrink!

As of right now, it's a beautiful day. Nate and I are going to go to Millennium Park later to walk the trail. Then tomorrow (April 1 as promised) I will be a runner!

I made a playlist with all the songs I've used for blog title lyrics, and it's pretty stinkin' good.

My day was made by my new blogging friend. She did a gratitude list today, and I thought I would do the same.

1. I am thankful to have a God and Savior that knows my faults and my shortcomings and loves me anyway.
2. I am thankful to have a husband who is proud of me and puts up with my incessant questioning ("Why do you love me so much today?" "Do you have anything to tell me?") that comes from the therapist in me.
3. I am thankful that I know there is a plan for my life, whether that be Kentucky or Kansas or North Carolina or Oregon or Maine or the Bahamas (hey, a girl can dream!).
4. I am thankful that I have the motivation to change my life and take charge of my health.
5. I am thankful for Old Navy skirts and gauchos.
6. I am thankful for healthy chicken salad.
7. I am thankful for sunshine.
8. I am thankful for ice water in my favorite Full Moon Cafe glass.
9. I am thankful for sermons on podcasts.
10. I am thankful for flip flops and crocs.

How 'bout you?

I am going to learn how to use Weight Watchers online e-tools now. Drop me a comment!

what you don't have you don't need it now

I thought I posted last night. I guess I just meant to. Kansas lost. So much for my bracket. I only attended one of the showers yesterday (so sorry Vanessa!). Nate's mom decided to stay here instead of driving back home, so I didn't go to Lexington. I also didn't take pics of my food intake, it was awkward around company. But I ate very well, resisting Lee's chicken and wedding shower cake. I did have a small pineapple sundae at Dairy Queen, emphasis on small and pineapple (not chocolate, caramel, oreo, etc.). So it was a good day.

Today started out a little harder. I've worked so hard the last week...eating well, exercising, just focusing on my health. And a whole week with miniscule difference on the scale (like .4 of a pound). So the scale is going away. Nate is hiding it. I have to keep remembering that I am changing my health patterns for that reason: my health. A sermon I listened to earlier in the year (a gluttony series from the Village Church in Texas) talked about using likeness to God as a yardstick for success. I need to evaluate myself not based on the mirror or the scale, but by how my actions line up with the path God has set for me.

Which leads right into my main reason for my post today. The sermon at church this morning was right at me. Mike preached on Matthew 4:8-11, the third temptation of Christ. Satan offered Jesus all that He would eventually gain but without the suffering and pain. Satan offered him a shortcut. So often, we are offered shortcuts that go against the plan God has set out for us. The shortcuts may be against God's law, or just going against the feeling I have of how He is directing me. I felt this directly hit my lack-of-baby issues. In an unexplainable way, I feel that I am being led against any medical help in getting pregnant. I need to be happy with the person God has made me, even if that is not being a mother. I need to have stronger faith and trust Him with my life - whether or not I am a mother now or ever, I am who He wants me to be. Sometimes I have trouble with this - what if the person I want to be is different that the person God wants me to be? I don't like that possiblity. I do not doubt His power, His love, but I want my plan. So for now, I just have to let go of my plan, have faith in His plan, and find peace in knowing that today I am exactly where He wants me to be. And trust that one day, I will be a mom.

As I'm working on it, Beautiful Day by U2 comes up on iTunes..."what you don't have you don't need it now...It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away." I have all I need. And I am thankful. I just need to work on being content.

And today it is spring. Nathan and I worked in the yard yesterday, we took 2 nice walks this weekend, and I just took pictures outside. Our spring trees are blooming! And we're grilling for dinner (shrimp and sweet potatoes! Thanks for the recipes, Kent!)So it's all good. Nathan has homework to do, so that is all the blogging I'll do today. Have a great Sunday night!