Sunday, June 3, 2007

this only serves to confirm my suspicion

Yeah. So I went to Weight Watchers yesterday morning. And I now officially weigh more than when I started 2 months ago. By .8 pounds. Yeah. I'm a loser. Or I'm not a loser. However you want to look at it.

I wish I could say that it was a kick in the butt or some big motivator or something, but that wouldn't be totally true. I did okay food-wise yesterday (starbucks drink, banana with peanut butter, hamburger and steamed veggies, mandarin chicken salad). And, for the most part, I did okay today (starbucks drink; spinach omlette, hash browns, toast; red lentil curry and rice, milk), ignoring the IC Mocha from Panera. Groan.

I've come across several things recently that I really want to blog about, and one more hit me today. I really like Postsecret. I do not link to it on my sideboard 'cause there is often nudity and otherwise sexual material. But I do think it often provides thoughts of others that I can relate to. Two postcards in particular this week really spoke to me.

We are all waiting for something. Some of us have legitimate reasons. But I think that mostly we have excuses. I am the queen of justifying things and making excuses. I'll run when I have new running shoes. I have them, and I'm not running. I'll eat healthier when I buy healthy things at the grocery store. We did that, and I still had an IC Mocha today. I'll go to the gym when the time changes; I hate getting out of bed in the dark. The time changed months ago and I spend 40 minutes each morning reading blogs, just to do it again when I get home!

What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for this to be easy. I'm waiting to prefer the taste of a frozen Kashi meal to a meatloaf sandwich. I'm waiting for Starbucks drinks to no longer be available at Mr. Kwik every morning. I'm waiting for the treadmill to come to my house, pick me up, and invite me to the gym. While there, the treadmill will welcome me with a grilled cheese sandwich, a Pepsi on ice and a pill that burns calories and builds muscle while I take a nap. A nice nap in a soft bed and lots of pillows that smells like lavendar. Wake up, Krissie! It's not going to happen!

What can I do? Keep on keeping on. I have mentioned this list in a previous post, but I created one of my own. I'm going to make many small copies and post it everywhere (in my car, on my desk, on my fridge, on my mirror, in my wallet, and anywhere else I look often). And I'm going to read it until I believe it. I may add excuses as they arise, but I will defeat this. I will win the battle with myself. I believe I can do that.

Not Monday. Not when all the food is gone. Not after the holidays. Not after my birthday. Not when it is warmer outside. Not when I buy the healthy groceries. Not when I have time to go to the gym. Not after my period. Not when it stops raining. Not right before an important event. Not when I get that new exercise DVD. Not when I get new sneakers. Not after this pint of ice cream. Not after I buy the clothes that don’t fit. Not after vacation. Not after we move. Not after I research my next diet plan. Not because I feel guilty. Not because of him. Not because I feel bad about the way I look. Not after this weekend. Not after this last bite. Not because of fear. Not for anyone else.
I choose me. I choose today.

Keep me accountable, okay?

And remember to register to win the amazing musical mix (currentley titled Kick off the Covers) by commenting on this post. And, since I can't count or consult a calendar, the drawing will be Sunday, June 10 (not the 9th, since that is a Saturday).

I hope you all had a great weekend, and have a great Monday in store. Only 9 days left of the current job! Single digits!