not way over in a bucket seat

Poor Nathan. We had a repeat of last night's dinner tonight. I had difficulty with the cheese last night, but I rocked it tonight. I don't think he had any complaints.

I'm starting to realize that I go back to work next week. I am excited, but nervous. I have nothing to wear!

I have officially decided to do a Scale-Free February. And I'm working on some cool graphic for anyone who wants to join me.

Thanks everyone for all the nice comments. I am still mildly frustrated, but that's got a fire under my butt, so that's okay.

Almost time to go to the gym! I love working out to Biggest Loser. There's gonna be drama tonight...the ads make it look like Jillian cries! It's gonna be a good one!

jealous of the moon

Today was my "Krissie Got a Job!" lunch celebraion. All in all, I think I really ate okay. I went significantly over my typical calorie intake of late, but I am still safely within what SparkPeople says should be my calorie range. Yay!

The party started with homemade Sangria. This was split between like 8 of us, so I really didn't drink that much of it. But it was really good.

Then came appetiziers. I love brie, fruit, and bread.
Nothing says Par-Tay! like roasted red pepper hummus. (Yes, I know I'm a dork.)
I think I did really well with the appetizers, as my plate looked like this: (Don't you love my Incredible Hulk plate?)

Then I made Beef and Burgundy. Now there's a little more butter than I usually cook with, but I am choosing this as a Celebration food. And that's okay. I ate one ladle full, over about 3/4 cup of brown rice, so all in all I think I did really well.

My dear friend, Nicole, is aware of how I'm trying to be good. So she made this Pineapple Cake. It's angel food cake, whipped cream, pineapples, sugar free pudding mix, and strawberries. I could have eaten it all day. But I had a slice at the party, and another slice for dinner.
For dinner, I also had two more small slices of brie, a strawberry, and two little slivers of bread. And a small mocha latte from Starbucks.

Nathan is at the gym. I feel terrible for not going, but I am exhausted. It was a long day. A good day, of course, but entertaining exhausts me. It's 9:30, and I'm getting ready to curl up in bed with a book.

It blows my mind how exhaustion changes my entire attitude. I know I did very well food-wise today. We had a great time with our friends. I have a job! I have an amazing husband. But being too tired to go to the gym makes me feel like a total failure and makes me want to attack the leftover hummus. That is why I need to go upstairs, away from the kitchen.

sending all my love on the wire

You guys and your self-love just keeps coming!

Go read about Eva! She's new to the blog world. Let's show her how much we love each other!

Swizzlepop is a very brave woman. Go read about her and find out why!

Just Too Fat is awesome. And did some brave things for love!

I can't think you enough for playing along!

Today's exercise will be tonight. Today's food is as follows:

Breakfast: Oatmeal and milk
This sandwich is known as the Big Kahuna. Ham, pineapple cream cheese, and a few crushed walnuts. With pretzels.
Meijer carries this apple chicken sausage that is awesome. It is accompanied by a bullseye (fried egg inside toast) and orange slices.

Happy weekend!

and I cannot wait another year

Here's my list I promised! Where is yours? (What is Krissie talking about? Read my last post.)

The "I LOVE ME" List

1. What do you absolutely love about your body?

I have said it before (sorry I don't have the time to search through old posts) - when they are properly coralled, I like my breasts. I like the way they look when I wear v-necks. I also like that I am evenly porportioned. I carry my weight everywhere, so I don't have a lot of difficulty buying clothes.

2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength?

In college, I ran 5 miles. At once. Without walking. I know I can do it.

3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be?

I walked out on a job last week. I don't have a job to fall back on. I couldn't continue working in a setting where I was not supported, and I couldn't risk my career any longer. I think that was the bravest thing I ever did.

4. When did your self-control blow you away?

This might not sound like much, but today I walked out of Meijer without my Starbucks drinks. I went down the aisle twice. I had them in my little basket at one point. I did not buy them. I'm missing it now, but I was strong.

5. What is your proudest moment ever?

My wedding day was amazing. The best day ever. I was so proud that Nathan chose me.

6. When was the last time you felt absolutely beautiful?

In November, the night before my 30th birthday, we went to a wedding. I had bought a new gray floral dress and these cute shoes. I was around a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while. I felt pretty and we were charming and fun and had wine...Good times.

7. Why do you deserve to meet your goals?

I deserve better than how I have been treating myself. I want to be a runner. I want to be strong. I want to be able to wear really cute clothes. I will be these things. And I will continue to get better because I will value myself more as my journey continues.

...and it continues through my food journal for today!

Breakfast was a Clif bar and 1 glass and a half of milk.


Then I went to the gym, where I kicked butt. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical-type machine, and hour on the treadmill, and 45 minutes on the bike. I was actually angry when I left - I gave up 15 minutes before my planned dismount of the bike, but my body was very tired. I was struggling with every cycle. So I decided that since I listen to my body when it comes to eating, I should also start listening to my body when it is tired. After 2 and a half hours, it wasn't laziness, it was exhaustion. So I went home and fixed lunch.

1 cup whole wheat penne, asparagus, a tablespoon of pesto, and a tablespoon of cheese. Yummy.

For dinner, I took the chicken and noodle leftovers from last night and added a can of mixed veggies. I topped it with crescent rolls, and made a chicken pot pie.

I was craving sweets, so we split an apple. And the blob is Nutella. Nutella is my friend.

It's time to watch Wheel of Fortune and then go to Nate's basketball game.

Happy Almost Friday!

I wanna 'lectrify my soul

Today was a great day!

I started my day with cheerios and milk.
Then I had to decide what to wear on my interviews today. I had a lot of trouble deciding what looked good together combined with what looked good on me. I don't have a lot of business-type clothes. I decided that I am really excited about the day when I don't have to squeeze myself into a slimming tank top and control top panty hose. I really hate being fat.

But then I pulled my favorite sweater out of my to-be-drycleaned bag, doused it with body spray, and headed out the door.

Off to interview #1. I really want this job. I prayed the whole way there that I present my true self. I didn't want to be nervous, I didn't want to be pompus. I just wanted to be me. And that's what happened. It sounds like a good-paying, fulfilling job with a pretty healthy environment. It was a fun interview, and she actually said it takes a lot of "integrity" to leave a job like I did. I have thought it was the cowards way out, but she helped me feel better about the decision. (Is that supposed to happen in an interview?) Anyway, it sounds really promising and I am really excited. She said she'll be in touch in 4-5 days, and she can't imagine why they wouldn't hire me.

Then I headed to Atlanta Bread Company for my favorite sandwich in the whole entire world. Just veggies, dill sauce, and cheese.

But to get the full picture, you have to see the inside. How incredibly yummy.
I had some time to waste before Interview #2, so I went across the street to hang out at Starbucks for a while. I have been curious about their "skinny" menu, so I ordered a Tall Skinny Mocha Latte. And it was nas-assty. I had 2 sips, sat there for a while, and realized that my tank top/slimmer was cutting me pretty much in half. And since I had changed clothes since I put it on and was wearing a sweater, why am I wearing the freaking thing? I thought about taking it off in the bathroom, but I didn't.

So I was off to Interview #2. It was a pretty cool job as well, and I think I would have a shot at it. But it is a 45 minute commute each way. And it sounds like more responsibility than what I would want right now. But I'm not going to totally cut it out of the picture until I know more about Job #1.

Dinner was a quick and tasty chicken and noodles. No recipe, it's just chicken broth, rotisserie chicken breast, whole wheat egg noodles, and a jar of chicken gravy. Nothing says comfort food to me like chicken and noodles. I am a happy girl.

We went to Bible Study tonight, with a professor from a local seminary teaching through the Old Testament. It was week 1, and we had a really good time. We had several friends there and it was great to see friends that we hadn't seen since Christmas. We typically go out to eat with one particular couple, and it was hard to have to not make plans because we don't know what our long-term financial situation will be (and we don't eat out cheap). But we'll at least to ice cream or coffee or something after church on Saturday night.

On the way home, we stopped at Starbucks. This is an old picture, but I had a bottled Starbucks Mocha (my beloved Starbucks drink) over ice. It upset my stomach something fierce. I know I can only have caffeine on an empty stomach, but I keep trying anyway. Silly girl.

I had decided prior to today that this would be my gym-free day this week. I almost feel like I wasted it, though, since I'm not sore or particularly tired today. But it was a full day, and I needed a day off. But I'm back to the gym tomorrow afternoon!

I want to thank you all for all your well-wishes for my job search. And your encouragement on my new habits. You all keep me accountable! You are a BIG part of my success! Thanks so much for your comments!

shed some light on me please

Unemployed day #2. I spent today cleaning out the cabinets and the pantry and doing tons of laundry. I also got my hair cut and the oil changed in the car. Tomorrow I have 2 interviews. Hopefully one of them will pan out into a job. I thought I would enjoy the time between jobs, but I feel guilty for being home while Nate's at work and then there's the whole not-bringing-in-an-income thing.

I am looking forward to my evening. 2 hours at the gym during the Biggest Loser. The plan is 60 minutes on treadmill and 60 on the bike. Or maybe I'll spend part of that on the elliptical-gazelle machine. (I really need to find out what it's called.) Who knows. I just know that I've looked forward to working out all day. I didn't go during the day 'cause I wanted to wait until Nathan came home to go with him.

I was mad that Oprah wasn't doing a health show today. Darn her. But something said during the show yesterday really stuck with me. One of the guests said, "It's the things you do repeatedly, not occassionally, that determine who you are." I like that a lot. If I eat healthy most of the time, then that's who I am. If I'm active most of the time, that's who I am. I am so prone to polar thinking, and that if I'm "bad" then I might was well just quit. But that's not who I am today. I am being healthy.

I read on a blog somewhere today (I am SO SORRY I don't remember who...Comment and I'll give you credit! EDIT: It was Hanlie at FertileHealthy. Check out the post here.) that the good habits are crowding out the bad habits. So my healthy eating doesn't leave room for the bad foods that I used to love. My habit of exercising and blogging are crowding out the laziness. I am a new person most of the time. And that's good enough. I'm never going to be perfect. But I can be healthy repeatedly, and let that crowd out my mistakes. That's why I just had Nathan hide the bag of chocolate chips.


Breakfast: A Clif bar and 1 cup of 2% milk.



Lunch: The last of the Tomato and Beef Stew (how incredibly sad I am!) and 1.5 cups of milk.

Dinner: Black Bean and Sausage Soup with corn relish and sour cream.

I didn't take pictures of about a 1/4 cup of chocolate chips, but I should have. I am so embarrassed. But they're hidden now. (And here's a picture from Google, just to keep me honest.)

So wish me luck on the interviews tomorrow morning!

all my fears are drifting by me so slowly

So I've tried really hard to be proud of my 2.4 pound loss. I'm getting there. I am.

Today is my first day of unemployment. I have two interviews scheduled for this week, and another position that has contacted me to schedule an interview. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to start somewhere next week, at least at the restaurant. (They were pretty angry that I didn't start today, by the way. I tried to explain that I didn't want to have them train me for me to only work a week and then quit for a professional job. So if I need a job next week, I may or may not have one.)

I watched Oprah today, pushing her newest "Best Life" spiel. She had some pretty inspiring stories on the show, with the 6 Secrets to Changing Your Life, which wasn't anything I haven't heard like 5o times before. So it got me thinking that I know what to do, a lot of times I just choose not to do it. Because I have so many excuses.

And then Bob Greene started talking about the emotional issues that are underneath our issues with food. I may be in serious denial, but I don't think I have emotional issues with food, I think I like to eat. I eat when I'm bored. I eat mindlessly. I don't eat for comfort, or for love, or for a rush. I think I have proved this by not having meltdowns with my recent eating changes. I was craving chocolate the other day, but I think that has more to do with my physical sugar issues rather than emotional stress or baggage.

The people on the show also talked about how they got fat because they put others as a priority over themselves. I don't think that was my case either. I think I got fat because I am selfish. I like cheeseburgers and ice cream. I like laying on the couch and watching tv. I have always been my priority, I just wanted unhealthy things. And now I've realized that there are no miracles. I do not deserve to be lazy and skinny. I will have to work to be the person I want to be.

One thing that was said on Oprah that stuck with me today is that we can do one of two things: we can either defend our behavior or take charge of it. In order to make lasting change, I will have to retrain my thinking and my preferences. And I'm on my way!

That being said, today was a pretty good food day.

Breakfast: Clif bar and milk
Lunch: An apple and Grilled Banana Split Sandwich. HOLY COW this sandwich is amazing.
Dinner: Leftover Beef and Tomato Stew.
Snack: Toast.
I did 60 minutes on the treadmill and 60 minutes on the bike. Nathan is at the gym now, but I couldn't make myself go back today. I am afraid that if I go back again, I'll be to exhausted and won't do anything tomorrow.

something so pleasant about that place

Happy Sunday!

I have had a great day. I started the day with a Starbucks drink (I'm back on the wagon) on the way to church. Then we went to Third Street Stuff with Kent and had sandwiches. I had something called the Big Kahuna, which I will recreate this week. Ham, pineapple cream cheese, and lettuce. So good.

We went to an open house, just for fun. We came home and I fixed Beef and Tomato Stew! I've been seriously craving something substantial, and this totally hit the spot. I also had 3 little yeast rolls. They are terribly bad for me, especially since tomorrow is weigh day, but we needed something to mop up the stew juice.We went to the gym after dinner and I did 30 minutes on some elliptical machine thing and 30 minutes on the exercise bike through the Amazing Race.

Tomorrow is weigh day! Tomorrow's post will be a run-down of the health week-that-was. I am really looking forward to the week-that-will-be. I am excited about the cooking I will be doing this week, the time I'll be able to spend in the gym, and the job interviews that I will be rocking. I am loving 2008!

I promised pictures of my husband and his new facial hair look. I hate it. HATE IT. He looks like someone right out of My Name is Earl or Smokey and the Bandit. I think he looks like he would have terrible and suggestive language. His facial expression doesn't help much either. All I know is I find it a terrible combination of hilarious and offensive. What do you ladies think?

if it were mine, it would be yours to take

Well, my weekend of splurges continued. We met my dear Idaho friend for brunch today. Nathan and I went downtown early to do some widow shopping, but nothing was open. So we ended up at Starbucks, and I ended up with the usual bottled Starbucks drink over ice. I didn't bring my camera, so I didn't get a picture of my brunch. I ordered a 3-egg omelet with spinach, tomatoes, onions, and American cheese. It came with hash browns and 2 slices of toast. I ate about half of the omelet, a little less than half of the hash browns, and one slice of toast. I drank water. It felt good to be able to leave most of the food on the plate.

After lunch, our friend headed to the UK game, and Nate and I headed to Whole Foods. They were doing there 100 Best Foods taste-test. It was really crowded though, and all I tried was grapefruit and turkey. We bought dinner for tonight, apple and rice stuffed chicken and asparagus. It was incredibly yummy. I'll recreate it and post a recipe soon.

We went to Meijer to buy stuff for dinner tomorrow. We're going to have beef stew. I've been craving stew, and I'm making it tomorrow! We put away groceries and went to the gym. It was really hard today. I did 30 minutes each on the treadmill and the bike. I wasn't tired or achy or anything, I just didn't want to be there. I even had Rachel Ray and America's Next Top Model to watch. I'm hoping tomorrow holds a little more motivation for me.

After the gym, I was munchy and gave in. But a bowl of Cheerios can't be totally bad!

I've been really proud of myself for managing eating out. It's been a busy weekend, and we're having lunch out again tomorrow, but I feel I've handled myself well eating and financially.

I am so proud of all my blog friends. We are totally rocking 2008! I am really trying to stop by and see you all every day, but there are so many! Just because I'm not commenting doesn't mean I don't care!

And, a teaser for tomorrow...My husband decided to shave his beard, and now has a very entertaining look. He will accompany food pictures tomorrow. Be sure to tune in!

it's got central heating and I'm alright

Happy Wednesday! 2 more days at job I hate! I have a few leads on real actual professional jobs, and that has me very excited!

As for the wallet fiasco, I have done everything I am supposed to do. I got a new license, cancelled my cards, filed a police report, called the credit companies...I think we're gonna be okay.

Food for today is as follows:

Breakfast was a Clif bar and water.

Lunch: 35 calorie bread, turkey, smoked gouda, spinach, and cranberry chutney. And an orange.
Dinner: the spiciest effing chili ever. And a big glass of milk. (I actually only ate part of it and then had a bowl of cereal. I figured out the calories and it was about the same and I didn't want to change the pictures, so I'm leaving it.)


I have decided not to go to the gym today. I have a little chaffing, and I'm just really tired. I've been busting my rump, so I think it's okay.

For those of you reading from the Healthy You Challenge, I am not following protocol. I know Tuesday is check-in, but I weigh Mondays, so those will probably be the posts that I put into Mr. Linky.

I cannot thank you all enough for your encouragement and support. I love seeing comments from you all! I'll try to be a better commenter too!

a simple prop to occupy my time

I am so excited for my weight loss this week! I love reading about the success of my blog friends too!

I got what I wished for! I took a new job today. I don't know the pay yet, but I'm expecting minimal. It's the morning shift at a local restaurant. It's early mornings, so I'll be able to do something else in the evening as well. My last day at my current job is Friday. I'm kinda worried about how the money is going to work out, but I know it will. We'll make it work. My dinners and lunches may become less dramatic, but it will work.

I have felt good after workouts all week. But today at work, I was resting the phone on my shoulder, and got a siginficant pain in my left shoulder. It's still there. So I'm taking today off from the gym.

Today's Eats!

Refrigerated Starbucks drink and apple for breakfast:


Leftover shrimp pasta for lunch. Couscous Salad with Roasted Veggies for dinner.

Then I got really munchy. I had a bowl of Wheat Chex...
And a little cup of marshmallows, peanuts, and chocolate chips.
You know what? I am not doing this. My shoulder hurts. That has nothing to do with the exercise bike. After Wheel of Fortune, I am going to the gym. Amen.

(P.S. I love you, Nathan! I do not deserve someone as supportive, as self-less, and as giving as you are. Thank you so much for the career understanding, the gym encouragement, and being such a good food guinea pig! You are my honey!)

we are forms of everything we love

Food Pictures!!

I gave in. Starbucks drink #2 for the week. It's better than one a day, though. And you sould be proud of me! We actually went to da 'bucks, and I got one of the refrigerated drinks over ice instead of my old standby - Venti White Peppermint Mocha. It is my standby no more! Lunch was leftovers from dinner. Shredded Cuban Pork, Mashed Sweet Potatoes, Cuban Black Beans, a little pineapple salsa, and sour cream. It was really good.
Dinner is Shrimp and Tomato Pasta. And it was good too!

(Just a note - anything recipe that I cook and post pictures of can be found at my recipe blog. On the first meal (not leftovers), I link the recipe as well.)

We took down the Christmas tree today. Rather, Nathan took it down. I found it a little too depressing. I'm sad that the holidays are over. But we went to the gym. I rode the bike for an hour. (I watched LA Ink. I wish I had the guts to get a tatoo.) My lovely husband ran part of the time. I'm just a little jealous. Then I did 20 minutes of arm weights, and they are pretty much jello now. It was back to being a good workout. I could have kept going for a lot longer. I felt much better than the defeat I felt the whole time I was on the treadmill yesterday.

Tomorrow is the big weigh in. I am very excited. I have had a really good week. I have eaten an average of 1377 calories each day. Over the 7 days, I worked out 6 of those days for a total of 7 hours and 20 minutes. Isn't that crazy? Mostly treadmill and bike with some weights and a little yoga thrown in. More important than my stats, though, is the way I feel. I feel so motivated. I feel like this is already habit for me. We are going to work out. We just are. It's not an option, it's a ready made decision. And I feel like this is the most satisfied I've been with food in a long time. I'm cooking every day. I'm making it pretty. I'm not eating to being stuffed. I'm eating when I'm hungry, and I'm eating just enough. I don't miss junk food, although I did have a handful of mini-marshmallows the other night. It was a great splurge. Not a candy bar, or a scoop of ice cream, but 8 or so mini-marshmallows. I feel great.

I've been trying to decide exactly what sort of "plan" that I'm on. I'm recording what I eat on fitday and I am keeping a notebook that I write things down and count the points. What I am loving, though, is that I'm not figuring anything up until the end of the day. I am trusting myself to make healthy choices. And somehow I know that the numbers at the end of the day will be reasonable.

I have also done well with my resolutions. I have walked 7.3 miles. I have tried 8 new recipes. I am rocking 2008!

Weigh in is tomorrow, so we'll see just how much I rock. I'm off to paint my toes so they'll be pretty in the scale picture!

I will not leave you all alone

Happy Saturday! We have had a great day today. We slept in, and then had a great breakfast (2 eggs, 2 slices 2% cheese, 2 slices 35 calorie toast, 3 slices pre-cooked bacon, and a glass of milk). We ate breakfast a little late, then planned dinner for 7, so I decided I needed to eat lunch before we went to the gym, even though I wasn't really hungry. 1 cup cheerios and 1 cup milk.
Dinner was really good, and I got 3 new recipes in! Cuban Shredded Pork tacos, Buttermilk Mashed Sweet Potatoes, and Cuban Black Beans. We had 2 friends over, and I think they enjoyed dinner. Then we watched some Arrested Development. All is well.
We went to the gym today, and it was really hard. I did 45 minutes on the treadmill, an even 2 miles. My body didn't cooperate. I was ready to quit after 7 minutes, but I pushed through. I don't know what my problem was. I pushed through, though, and I hope tomorrow is better gym-wise.

I have been reading a lot of blogs today, and I am very proud of us. I love that I feel like I know so many of you, and that you know me and where I am. I love having you all to share my meals and successes and failures with. Thank you so much for hanging out with me!

treading trodden trails

I have decided to also join the Healthy You Challenge. I am very excited about this. I like all the little buttons and badges.

She has asked that all of the challenge participants tell about themselves. Well, I am me. I've been blogging for a while, and doing this weight loss thing half-assed for a longer while. No longer. I know I can be successful because I have been in the past. In March 2004, I weighed a lowest of 176 (from 221 then). Last week I weighed at 239, and I've quit playing around. I want more from my life. I want cute clothes. I want babies. I want my husband to think I'm smoking hot. I want to be a runner. I want so many things that I deserve, and I'm going after them one day at a time. I live in Kentucky, am an incredibly happy wife, and am searching for a new job (I think I've found one several months out...now I just need something to pay the bills in the interim so I can quit my current job).

Also, I post pictures of what I eat every day. It keeps me accountable and helps me put thought and effort into my meals. Here's (most of) today's.

Remember how I said I had to leave at 5:30am? I rethought things, and actually left around 5:10. It was really dark. I needed gas. And I decided I needed caffeine as well so I (gasp!) gave into the Starbucks drink. And it was awesome. But I counted it, and I had a banana instead of the Mini Muffins I was having as an accompaniment for a long time.I was with two teenage girls all day, and at least I convinced them to eat at Subway for lunch. I didn't have my camera with me, but I had a roast beef on wheat (no cheese) with veggies, honey mustard, and sweet onion sauce. I had only ate about two-thirds of the sandwich (it was soggy by the time I was able to eat it), no chips and drank water. When I finally got back home, I was very hungry, and this is my snack.I don't even know what to say about dinner. It was awesome. Chopped Salad with Spicy Pork and Buttermilk Dressing. I am so glad we have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. And, yes, that is a celebratory "I survived a 3-day workweek!" glass of wine behind my plate.
We went to the gym and I totally kicked butt. However, I was pretty famished when I got home. I put everything into fitday.com, and realized I probably should eat something. So I had a bowl of wheat chex.
And it was good.

Did I mention that we totally kicked it at the gym? I spent 40 minutes on the treadmill, 40 minutes on the bike (both thanks to "What Not To Wear"), and then we finished up with some weights. My arms got really jiggly and didn't want to lift anymore. That was a good feeling. I was kinda nervous since I took yesterday off from the gym. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to motivate myself to go back. I am very tired today (lack of sleep), but after Jeopardy, Nathan gave good encouragement, and off we went. Today is the best I have felt after the gym so far this year. I felt strong instead of weak. I felt motivated to work harder instead of disappointed about how much better I used to be.

It's time for me to shower and then to catch up on sleep. Have a great weekend!