daylight come and I wanna go home

I know I weighed in yesterday, but today I decided to be honest and actually post my weight. Today I am at 221.8. Almost as low as I was during this most recent round of Weight Watchers. Go me! I am hungry a lot, but I'm determined to push through it. I really want a bowl of cereal, but fitday won't load, so I don't know how much I've eaten today without it, and I don't know if I want cereal because I'm hungry or because I'm bored or because I'm craving something that is in Wheat Chex. Boo FitDay!

But today's eating has been good:

B: Starbucks and banana

L: Kashi Sweet and Sour Chicken with broccoli

D: Grilled Tomato Pasta and broccoli

Work was also good today. I think I am really going to enjoy my new job. Although today there was a wreck and I had to turn around and it took me almost 2 hours to get home. It's all good, though. I spent the time listening to a sermon that really confused me.

So I'm listening to this lady talk about gluttony. I know, none of us really wants to hear that. But she had me hooked. She started by talking about her own story and how she used her desire to be skinny and her love of food as roadblocks to God. I bought that. And I think that is something I have struggled with as well. She then discussed that in order to fight the battle of the bulge from a spiritual standpoint, we must give up our need to control things ourselves. We must repent of our gluttonous behaviors, ask for forgiveness, and allow God to help us. Again, I got that. I eat too much, I eat too often, I don't move enough, and I am not enough to fix that. I may have sporatic successes, but I can only do this for the right reasons if I let God drive. I have to want God to change my heart not just my body. That really spoke to me. I do often pray for comfort in my skin, for positive feelings of self-worth, for some sort of magical change that will turn my body around. But I pray for the changes to occur on the outside, not on the inside. What I did learn today is something I already know: I cannot do this by myself. And I must ask for, and accept, a change in my heart.

But then the sermon got really confusing for me. (And I still have 12 minutes left to listen to, so she may wrap it all up nicely.) She talks about how we use idols. We use food, television, other distractions as idols. These nasty little things also keep us from being the person God wants us to be. She talked about the time that we spend thinking about food, planning food, planning exercise, and that all this time could be spent in more productive ways, like meditating on God and His word. So how am I going to do this? I seriously think that in order for me to not be a glutton, I have to plan. I have to shop once for the week and not deviate from the menu. I have to have my exercise plan written into my calendar. I have to plan. She discussed planning like it would somehow also become an idol that was a distraction from God's plan. That's when I stopped listening. I'm going to go finish it up in a few minutes.

I have been doing very good on my 30 day goals. Limited meat in my Kashi meal for lunch. Yes, it is processed food, but it's Kashi! They care and are trustworthy. Still no tv. It was really hard tonight 'cause That 70's Show was on while we were eating dinner. But we resisted. I listened to a sermon on the way home. I am going to try really hard to restart C25K Saturday morning. Really hard. I have also been drinking a whole lot of water. That helps me feel better as well.

And I'm going to have a bowl of cereal. I typed out my whole blog, and I still want it. Doesn't someone say that when you get a craving, you should distract yourself for 20 minutes? I've done that, and I still want Wheat Chex.

Kitchen, here I come!