have a seat by me

Today was the best bonus day ever!

I went to the mall and bought nothing! Then we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory where I ate less than half of my lunch-size salad, with dressing on the side. I rock.

Then I came home and cleaned the downstairs bathroom. And transferred all our pictures and music to our new computer.

Then I cooked ratatouille. Recipe will be posted tomorrow. It was great.

Then we went shopping - Best Buy, Gap, the wine store, etc. - and all we bought was an iTunes card.

Good bonus day.

Nathan is getting ready to go to the gym. I know I need to go. I just can't make myself do it. I am exhausted. But I'm going to finish cleaning the upstairs bathrooms and unpacking from Atlanta. So I'll have nothing to procrastinate with tomorrow.

I WILL go to the gym tomorrow. I will post my recipe. I will take food pictures and put my food into sparkpeople. Amen.

both of our hands are equaly skilled

I may have taken a slight detour. A detour that led me away from home from February 3 to February 20. And then knocked me on my butt with the flu from the day I returned home until yesterday.

But I have a map.

Tomorrow is Leap Day. And it is Krissie Day. When I got my life together, I didn't wait until New Year's Day, I attacked on New Year's Eve. And I'm not waiting until Easter, or March 1st, or Monday or whatever.

I'm making some improvements tonight:

• I cooked dinner.
• I washed 2 loads of laundry.
• I transferred all our pictures to our new computer.
• I am getting ready to clean the kitchen.

And February 29 only happens once every four years, and I am going to rock it. Tomorrow better watch out!

• I am going to the gym!
• I am going to clean the rest of my house.
• I am going to inventory my Goodwill box (for tax purposes) and get it out of the house.
• I am going to transfer our iTunes to our new computer.
• (I have tomorrow off.)

I know things have been difficult, but all I have wanted is to feel healthy enough to get back on track. And I am there. My throat is (very slightly) sore, but I'm sure it will be gone tomorrow. I can't wait!

And as an afterthought...

PLEASE HELP! I had a comment from SARAH a few days ago, encouraging me to go see someone at the Singletary Center (for free!) on Monday night, referencing my love for Matt Wertz. Can I have more info? I can't find anything going on at Singletary, but I'd hate to miss something cool! Help, Sarah!

baby's at the punchbowl

I am doing the happy dance all over the place.

Why?

I feel a thousand times better. I didn't realize how bad I really felt until I felt better. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm a different person than I have been the past week.

I also didn't have work today. We don't start in our office until 3/10, so we're just doing different trainings until then. Well, our trainer was sick today, so we didn't have to go in. So we went shopping! I am starting to love shopping for clothes.

I got home and tried on absolutely everything in my closet. If it was too big, it went in the Goodwill box. If it was too snug, it went to our spare closet. Only what fits today hangs in my closet. I have a decent size box of clothes that are too big. I am wearing the jeans from this picture. I am a happy girl.

I'm getting back on the blogging wagon, I promise.

you say it's your birthday...

Today is not my birthday, it's the first birthday of Questions for Dessert!

I am so amazed that I have actually been writing for a year - and even more amazed that such wonderful people read my ramblings and then provide such warm comments!

I really wanted to have something insightful/creative/celebratory for the big day, but I am still very much under the weather. I feel a ton better than I have, but I'm still getting ready to take a nap at 5pm. So, with a retrospective post in the near future, I will repost my very first post.

So this is it...I will be an "after." I am tired of being a "before." I look at all the magazines and feel terrible because the before picture looks just like me, and the after picture looks like something I can never attain. But I watched an episode of Oprah recently that discussed how changing the way I talk to myself can change the results I get. The show talked about how acting like I am already there (wherever I want to be) will help get me there. So today (as of this minute, forgetting even this morning), I am different.

• I am a runner. My "run" last Friday at the park was hard, but great. And only a runner could finish that. (I delete comment that could be negative...)
• I am respectful to my body. I am eating foods that my body will use as fuel. I am eating in a way that is not harmful to my body and that is preserving the body I have been given. I do not hurl insults at my body and I do not berate it for not looking the way I feel it should.
• I am honest. I do not lie to myself about what I eat. I do not (to quote Izzy from Grey's) believe that if I eat a whole tub of butter and no one sees me, the calories do not count. I am writing down what I eat, even when it is ugly, and seeing mistakes as chances to learn and grow. It's about time I started using my counseling skills on myself, right?

So that's where I'm starting. Today. I am an after.

And I'm still working on this. Every day.

bubbly toes

What we have all been waiting for...
This means that since New Year's Eve, I have lost 18.8 pounds! I am so proud!

I am still feeling pretty darn sick, so I am going to bed. And I just got up from a nap...

a tune we both should know

I have mostly gotten over the baby blues of yesterday. Thanks for the support.

I am still feeling very flu-ish. Sore throat. VERY sore throat. But I had several weeks of uninsured time, and my new insurance doesn't kick in until 3/1. So I've just taken stock in cough drops UNTIL I saw that there are 15 calories in each! I bet I've had 10 today! I am so irritated!

Nathan is continuing to go to the gym. I am happy for him, but jealous. I managed to do some yoga today, just so I could feel like I am doing something. I felt more relaxed, and frustrated that I was getting winded from stretching. So that removed any doubt that I am still sick.

I go back to work tomorrow, after having Thursday and Friday off to "recuperate" from Atlanta. I just got lucky 'cause I would have taken sick days anyway. I know I have to go tomorrow. To prepare, I did some pampering: painting my toenails and cleaning up my eyebrows. I think waxing hurts more when I'm sick. BUT my toenails are a major accomplishment. Not only do they look better than they usually do when done by me, but they were much less difficult! Kinda like my panty hose experience, there was no grunting or straining involved!

And I am not wasting pretty toes. As of tomorrow, I am breaking my Scale-Free February. It was good while it lasted, but I'm a little panic-y. I haven't really exercised in about 10 days. I haven't been eating a balanced diet at all. But I have been pretty sick. And I got enough comments to my before-and-during pictures that I am very curious as to where I am. So, as of tomorrow, I am back to my Monday morning weigh-ins.

she's somebody's baby girl

This isn’t something that I focus on often, but I do throw it in the occasional post. Why do I keep it so casual on my blog? A lot of reasons. I don’t want pity. I don’t want advice. I don’t want questions.

But that’s not fair. I’m being transparent here. So here it is.

I have a renewed desire to improve my health. I went to a baby shower today.

I want a baby.

It seems like forever (but actually about two years and change) that we have been doing the baby dance without any preventative measures. I don’t say that we’re “trying” because that would imply that we are failing. And that is not acceptable to me. I choose, instead, to believe that we are just waiting for God to give us a child.

The waiting has been very hard for me. Through prayer (and reasoning due to family health history) (and discussions with Nathan), we have decided that medical means are not for us. I admire those who have medical assistance to conceive. I recognize the bravery and faith that go into that. I just feel like I have been called to have faith, and wait.

I know that I don’t always take the best care of myself. Heck, I weighed 239 pounds two months ago. If I can’t take care of the body that God has given me, why should I think that He would give me someone else to take care of?

In the past two months, I have learned how incredibly faithful my God is. I will not question that now. I know there is a plan for me. I know my God is big enough to give us a child if that is what He has for us.

And it’s that “if” that I sometimes have a hard time with.

Nathan has a hard time with my baby sadness. But I am totally content with my husband and our life together. If we never have a baby, I will be fine. I have stopped taking pregnancy tests when I am a few days late. I have quit interpreting every strange feeling in my body as a pregnancy hint. I have stopped buying pregnancy and baby name books, and I haven’t even unpacked them since we moved last fall.

But watching a friend open a plethora of pink packages reminds me that my arms are empty. And that I haven’t been able to see Nathan be the amazing father that I know he could be.

So is there any better motivation to get my health together?

But, to lighten things a little. here are a few artists renditions of our children. I asked Nathan to draw what our baby would look like, and was slightly disturbed. He couldn’t understand what he could have drawn differently, so I drew for him what I envisioned. I have hung on to these pictures for years. Have any idea which picture is from each of us?

Have a happy weekend, y’all. Hopefully I’ll feel better – flu-type stuff and general attitude – tomorrow!

my mind is dull and faded

What I Learned in Greenup/Atlanta/From the Flu

Installment #3

What I Learned about My Body

• I think I am starting to look a little different. The picture on the left is from Christmas Eve. The right is one day while I was in Atlanta last week. What do y'all think?
  
• I am still full on smaller portions. So even when the food I eat isn't as healthy as I would prefer, I'm still only eating about half the quantity of what I was eating before Christmas.
• I can now put on pantyhose without tugging and grunting and discomfort.
• I look nice in "grown up" clothes, and I can fit in some Larges.
• I like to move-it, move-it. Even when I didn't make it to the gym, I took a lot of walks. A few days, I walked to the point of getting a little sore.
  
• My body hates to fly.
  
• My body really hates to fly when it is sick.
• Even when my throat hurts really bad, I still want to drink a ton of water.
• The worst part of being sick is how nasty my mouth feels. It doesn't matter how much I brush my teeth, my mouth is just nasty. Blech.
  
• I am a terrible, whiny sick person.

between green and grey

Krissie is back from Atlanta. And Krissie has the flu. Bleh.

What I learned from Greenup/Atlanta
Installment 2
Random Stuff

• I truly love my husband. Not in some kind of I-must-love-him-cause-I-married-him love, but I love him. He is my best friend and he takes such good care of me!
• I hate to fly. I am moderately nauseous the entire time. I almost threw up on our flight there. And I drugged myself so I'd sleep on the way home. It didn't really help.
• Flight + inner ear issues = total crap. I can't really hear today.
  
• If your suitcase weighs more than 50 pounds, it costs $50.
• I am going to love my job.
  
• I am actually a pretty smart person.
• I am loving that I have to dress like a grown up at my new job (mostly suits). I actually like shopping when I find things that zip!
  
• I want to be healthy. I am really angry that I am sick. I wanted to go to the gym today.
• I missed blogging terribly! I love my blog friends!
  

be gone with it

What I Have Learned in Greenup/Atlanta

Installment 1

I'm Bringing Healthy Back

• Not health related, but important. Tomorrow night, I will be in my own bed. With my sheets. With my husband. This is very exciting to me.
• My food choices have been terrible. HOWEVER my portions have remained nice and small. I realized last night that I was full with half of my entree. I have just been overwhelmed and eaten what is convenient. But portions have still been very reasonable. I will just replace sweet and sour chicken with spinach quiche, and all will be okay.
• I have walked a considerable amount each day. It hasn't been my typical exercise regimen, but I haven't totally fallen off. Actually, I was actually sore one night after a walk. So I've kept with it more than I thought. (And I've gone to the workout room twice!)
• I am icredibly excited to get back to my program. I cannot wait to get back to the gym and the grocery store. I want to make pretty salads and stews.

One more night away to go! Happy Tuesday!

she walks in the sun to me

Hello lovelys!

I am still safe and sound in Atlanta. I have mostly fallen off the wagon, but I have no sense of routine here. I have been taking substantial walks. But convenience has determined food more than healthiness. So, unfortunately, pizza and appetizers at the hotel have won out over trips to the grocery store. At least I haven't been eating out.

But we are in one of those "long stay" hotels. So to make it feel like home, we are welcomed back from training each day by warm, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. I'm guessing there won't be any today because it's Saturday. I guess that's a good thing.

I really miss Nathan. Valentine's Day was tough. Oh well. I'll be home on Wednesday.

I'm getting ready to walk to Starbucks and a little shopping. I've been doing homework all day. (This training is pretty serious.) At least it's warm here!

Have a great Saturday, everyone!

pink is my favorite crayon

Krissie is very stressed.

Training has lots of homework, thus little time at gym.

Training also has Hershey miniatures, thus grey pants wereuncomfortable.

Furthermore, today MUST be different.

No snacking at training.

Back to taking pictures of everything even though I can't post them.

An hour at gym.

Amen.

dreaming of Mexico

Excuse me for being brief, but I still don't have the iPhone typing down.
• Sunday's flight = very nausea-inducing.
• I went to the hotel gym last night!
• But I didn't sleep very well. Sore throat.
• I was very excited about lunch - chicken and veggies with rice. Butit was very greasy.
• I am cute today!
• I am really hoping I feel good enough to exercise later!

Sent from my iPhone

take this heart

Well, guys, I am off to the airport. I'll be back a week from Wednesday. I have been assured that our hotel has a business area where I will be able to use a computer. I hope that is the case. If not, posts will be very brief, as I have only partially mastered the iPhone keyboard. And I don't have the heart to take the new computer with me - that would be too cruel to Nathan.

I have also decided that calorie counting will be next to impossible while I am gone. Thus, I have amended my February goals to include a shorter list of Atlanta goals:

• I will exercise every day for at least an hour. It may be at the fitness center, it may be walking around the city, but for 60 minutes I will get my heart rate up and move it!
• I will listen to my body's gauge and eat when I am hungry and stop eating when I am full.
• I will continue to take pictures (and hopefully post) of everything I eat. That keeps me really accountable. If I don't want to take a picture of it, then I don't need to eat it.

Amen.

I will still be reading about you guys, but (pending business center) commenting may continue to be be reduced.

Thank you SO MUCH for the hair-growing-out support. I will probably be begging for more in a few weeks!

See you on the flip side! (which is hopefully tomorrow...)

all with strawberry curls

Okay, so I have a confession.

I wasn't going to tell you about it, but Nathan says I have to.

But first...

Yesterday was an awesome day. (Just check out Tryin' on a Brand New Dress). I ate well. We split an awesome piece of organic carrot cake. I found a comfy pair of brown flats. I bought an awesome suitcase for my trip that will actually hold 10-days-worth of my stuff. We went to the gym. It was a good workout and I am looking forward to today's.

My confession?

I stepped on the scale yesterday.

I had not been "good" while staying with my parents. I hadn't exercised in four days. I thought stepping on the scale would show a gain and I would be accountable for it and move on. I thought of all the bloggers who have said that without the scale, they lose their accountability.

I decided I needed to do it. I needed to know. It wasn't a mindless thing, it was a decision. A decision I seriously pondered over.

And I lost. I'm not going to tell you how much because, honestly, I don't remember what the number was. I know what the number in my little scale-free picture says, I stepped on the scale with that number in mind. I saw a smaller number, felt very guilty, and jumped right off.And I have not been on the scale since.

So Nathan will hide the scale (but not with the chocolate chips - I know where they are!) and back on plan I will be.

I have also made the decision to grow out my hair. It will be a long, painful, not always pretty process. But I’m honestly gonna try. I may need your support on that as well.

Geez, I’m awful needy!

you will be the one screaming out

Well, it's time for me to get honest.

The last few days have been terrible health-wise. I haven't been to the gym since Sunday morning. I have eaten a lot more than usual. I ate three times after 5 yesterday.

I'm glad I swore-off the scale for this month, or I would probably be a weeping puddle in the floor.

Why?

I have lost my routine. And, in total honesty, I have missed it severely.

I have spent this entire week staying with my parents (they live close to where I was training). My Dad likes to cook, and his idea of "healthy" is slightly skewed. But, I love him and I love food, so I indulge. And training is a little like vacation, and there is only one gym possibility and the thought of new gym is scary, so I didn't work out. And I have been working, and I was exhausted, and I just didn't make it a priority.

You know what? NO. I am not going to do this. I posted food pics most days I was home. Until yesterday's pizza debacle (where I had 3 small slices of pizza, about half a cup of spaghetti, 2 bites of a brownie, and NO DESSERT PIZZA and NO ALFREDO SAUCE), I did really well this week. I may not have made it to the gym, but I did walk around the hospital a lot.

I AM NOT A FAILURE. (I am yelling at myself here, ladies, not you.)

I guess what it comes down to is this: I am so disappointed by my food choices yesterday. For breakfast I had a Clif bar and a Starbucks drink. For lunch, I made one trip to a pizza buffet. Then I ran through a convenient store and bought a Starbucks drink and Swiss Cake Rolls. I never knew that the cake rolls were so nasty - I took one bite and that was all. Waxy and no real chocolate taste. I wasn't wasting calories on that. Then for dinner, I ate four small banana pancakes, split brie and fruit with Nate, and a small bowl of cereal throughout the evening. That's not so bad!

Okay, I just talked myself out of being down on myself 'cause I knew that's what y'all would have done.

But today I am home - until I fly out for Atlanta Sunday at noon. I am really hungry like the wolf right now, but I'm going to make a Starbucks run here in a minute. Then I need to buy a suitcase, a pair of cute brown flats, and get a haircut. We are going to the gym tonight - What Not to Wear is on at 9!

And, for anyone keeping score, Nate kept up the gym schedule while I was gone. Oh, and the picture of him a few posts ago is with the liner notes of the Billy Idol Christmas Album he got from his brother this Christmas. He used to really like Billy Idol. We went to his concert several years ago at Kings Island. I am just a little embarrassed to admit that, but that's what love is all about.

Oh, and we also got a new computer (thanks Dad!) that I'm learning how to use. Anyone got any cool hints for the MacBook that I may not know?

Happy Friday!

she parks her car outside of my house

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment

Installment 4

What I Learned about Me

I had a great time being off work.

It was a great time of introspection. (There's the therapist in me!)

I learned that there is a wonderful blogging community that both inspires me and keeps me accountable.

I learned that I love the feeling of having leftovers put away and the kitchen being cleaned immediately after eating.

I learned that if there is closed caption on the tv on the elliptical machine, it makes me nauseaus.

I learned that my arms are pretty stinking strong.

I learned that I have a need to do something professionally. I have always thought that I could stay at home and be lazy all day. Any more time unemployed and I would have volunteered somewhere.

I learned that I can do what I set my mind to. I have discovered the chocolate chips Nathan hid, and have not had any! I have spent a great amount of time at the gym because I didn't give myself the choice to back out.

I learned that I can be incredibly motivated by stickers.

I learned that I really am a pretty good cook and my cooking instincts are trustworthy.

I have learned that I deserve to be healthy and happy.

And I'm going after it!

red hair with a curl

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment

Installment 3

What I Learned about Nathan

I have the best husband ever.

I told him I was going to quit my job. I told him that I had done the math and we would be fine for a while.

He said, "Okay."

I told him not to worry, that I would find a job soon. That I would spend the interim time getting things in order: I'd keep the house clean. I'd clean out the junk drawers. I'd cook every day. I'd exercise.

He said, "Okay."

I was having chocolate chip issues. I asked him to hide the bag. He didn't call me crazy, or say it was stupid.

He just said, "Okay."

I told him that I had taken a job. It meant that I would be spending 14 nights in February away from home.

He said, "Okay."

I got a wild hair and decided that I wanted an iPhone. I knew that I had been out of work for 3 weeks, and a paycheck was still several weeks away. My phone was doing wonky things, but I told him that I knew I would have to wait a while, but I wanted to wait until we could get an iPhone instead of getting any old phone .

Then one night on the way home from church, he said that I should go ahead and get the iPhone. I was unsure. He said, "You want it. It's okay"

He is incredibly grateful of what I do for him. He notices. He gets me cards. He goes to the gym with me. He finishes off my plate when I am full. He scoops the cat litter. He loves me. No matter what.

And I say, "Okay."

(I miss you, honey!)

'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment
Installment 2
What I Learned from "What Not to Wear"

During my unemployment, I spent a lot of time at the gym.

My motivation? What Not to Wear. I have fallen in love with Stacey and Clinton. I want them to be my friends. I want them to tear apart my wardrobe. I'm tempted to dress really badly as I slim down so that someone will refer me and they will come and see me! Somehow, I doubt that would all work out for me.

But, deep in the heart of their catty remarks are a lot of lessons.

1. There's beauty in the breakdown. The more difficult the process, the greater the transformation at the end. There was one episode where the girl was cute, she just wore sporty clothes all the time. She was eager to change, and she went from cute to really cute. But usually the person is incredibly resistant and goes from shockingly oblivious to stunning. Through the process, we get to see the tears fall, the insecurities crumble, and the self-esteem grow. That's what I like: the Cinderella story where the beauty was there all along. The process that must go on internally amazes me.

2. Change your focus. "It's not that my hips are freakishly huge, my waist is just tiny!" My favorite thing about the show is that there isn't a huge body transformation. No surgery or botox or anything fake. It's just about using what you already have. Stacey and Clinton do such a good job, in my opinion, of reframing negatives. It's not about focusing on what I hate (what belly?) but instead I need to accentuate what I know works (hello breasts!).

3. If the piece of clothing only works when you pair it with another piece, then it doesn't work at all. I have a closet full of clothes that can only be worn as a pair. I have to wear this shirt with these jeans to disguise my muffin-top. No, I cannot wear that sweater with that jeans or I'll show my crack to everyone. No, I have to wear this bra with this shirt or otherwise it won't button. I deserve better than buying clothes that need other clothes as accessories. My clothes should just fit. Amen.

4. If you get something cheap, people aren't going to think you got a bargain. They will just see that you are wearing cheap clothes. I am so tempted to take my in-between times and shop at the really cheap places - you know, where the clothes fall apart or shrink up the second time you wear them. I am going to try really hard to buy a few pieces of nice clothing (on sale of course!) and feel good when I am able to donate once they outgrow me. And I have found a high-end consignment store!

5. If you can wear it to the gym, you shouldn't wear it anywhere else. This is the concept that I am most guilty of. I used to wear my gray lounge pants to work. And then I'd sleep in them. I have been known to wear draw-string pants to work. I figure that my shirts are so long, no one will know. Besides, who expects a fat person to dress nicely? So all of my lounge pants have now been demoted and are no longer on hangers. It's baby steps.

And there you have it. Life lessons from tv.

this world's got nothing I need

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment

Installment 1

What I Learned about God

You know, it really took this time off to make me realize that my life is not my own.

God answers prayer.

I hated my job. HATED. The environment was very toxic. It was not a God-friendly environment. I was having a really hard time sharing my faith, or even allowing my faith to come out there.

I had wanted out for a month or so, but over my Christmas vacation I realized that the thought of going back was terrifying. I felt my career, my professional existance, was on the line daily. I really wanted to get a hold of that part of my life.

During that time off, I also read a lot of weight loss blogs, watched a Biggest Loser marathon (thanks to the tvs at the gym) and realized that I was also out of control with my health.

After a particularly difficult workout, I took a shower. As I stood naked in front of our bathroom mirror, I said out-loud, "God, if I had the opportunity, I could get my health where it needs to be. I just want some time, Lord, some time for me." I didn't know what that would mean and I couldn't dream of a way that would be possible.

I went back to work. For a week. It was terrible. Just constant uncomfort in the pit of my stomach terrible. The weekend came. I hoped my cell phone wouldn't ring. On Sunday, I saw an ad in the newspaper that a restaurant was needing help with catering. I really didn't think anything about it.

But, as I was getting ready that morning, again in the mirror, I told God that all I wanted was to give my notice that day. I almost laughed as I said, "And, if there's any way possible, I would love for this to be my last week." I stopped by the restaurant on my way to work, and was offered a job on the spot. When did they want me to start? The next week. So I gave my notice that day. And I was thankful. But incredibly nervous.

That night, I tried to pray about it. And God wouldn't let me. I don't know how to explain it, except He shut me down. Whenever my thoughts went to job in prayer, words would escape me. I know that should have comforted me, but it frustrated me and confused me further. Had I done the wrong thing and this was His response? Or was it comfort? I didn't know. And that scared me.

I applied for about 25 jobs on the internet.

And then my wallet got stolen. At work. Out of my purse, out of my desk. As soon as I realized it was gone, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, and I sent it to voicemail. Although the stolen wallet was a terrible inconvenience, it completely calmed me down. Somehow, that experience brought everything together. I knew I had done the right thing, and I stopped worrying.

I got home, checked my email, and it was about one of the jobs I had applied for. I spoke to an important lady, and the conversation went well. I knew, before I ended that conversation, that this was the job I would get. I knew little about the position, nothing about the company, and I knew it was the job I needed to pursue.

I got multiple other bites on my resume. I followed up with a few, but half-heartedly.

Because of my upcoming interviews, I did not take the catering job after all. And I was not worried.

I went to the interview for the job I knew I had. I rocked it. I knew I had stiff competition, but I knew I had the job. I was not afraid. I felt secure going into the interview. I went to another interview that day, but my heart just wasn't in it. It went well, it just didn't feel right.

I got the job I knew I would. I started today.

God took care of us.

Finances are going to work out perfectly (based on payment schedule of previous job and current job).

I kept my word - I got my stuff together. I am eating well. I am exercising. My house is pretty much clean. I used the time He gave me to do what I said I would do. And I totally forgot about that conversation until several days ago, when I was in the mirror expressing gratitude for my job.

God took care of us.

I feel like this is the time in my life I will always look back on as the time I turned my life around. The time that God made allowances for me to be the best keeper of my life that I could be. I have realized that He has given me everything - my body, my family, my job - and it is my responsibility to use it to His glory.

And I'm trying. Every day.

the right thing and the hard thing are the same

Remember when I said that part of my Scale-Free February was not judging my success on a scale but on an outfit? Here it is. Yikes. Cover the eyes of any small children that may be around.


Yikes. But I still smile!

I consider these my "fat" skinny jeans. They are the jeans that are always a little tight - that I am 'this-close' to being able to wear in public. The ones that when paired with the right shirt are wearable. Well, I have paired them with my "Why did I buy a shirt too small?" shirt. (I bought it in the fall 'cause it was really cheap and cute, and I thought I could give it away if I couldn't wear it in the spring.) Yeah, that's not a nice look I have going there.

Bring it on, March! I'm ready for the after picture!

I'm checking blogs while I let my breakfast settle. Then I'm going to the gym, taking a shower, and leaving town for a few days. I'll only be on the road for about 2 hours. For my first round of training (Monday - Thursday), I'll be training in my hometown. So I'll be staying with my parents. My Dad just got an iPhone Thursday, so we'll play and learn together. He called me last night to ask what I wanted for dinner, and we discussed healthy options. I love my dad.

Have a great Sunday!

all your insides fall to pieces

Let me just tell you that you - my lovely blog readers and commenters - blow me away. I am consistantly shocked at how many of you read my ramblings, and then how many of you have enough of a reaction to me to actually say something in response. Amazing. I am so happy to have you guys, and you are seriously what keeps me going. I don't eat the chocolate chips that Nathan hid (I found them while looking for a printer cartridge) 'cause I don't want to have to tell you and have you be disappointed. You keep me on the straight and narrow, and I appreciate that very much.

One thing I haven't been very good at is answering questions that appear in comments. I'm going to do so now.

Let me start by talking some about my Scale-Free February. I will be staying at places other than my home for 15 days in February. That is a huge part of my motivation. I know scales often disagree with each other, and I really didn't want my scale taking up valuable suitcase room. And I didn't want to stress myself out with my fluctuations on different scales. And then came the frustration of the lack of movement despite my hard work. Thus, the decision was made. I want to focus on health, and I am judging that by meeting my food intake and exercise goals. If I'm doing this thing right, the scale will catch up eventually. If not, I'll still be much healthier for it!

So, on to the questions.

Yesterday, Sarah P asked

I just noticed you said you will out of town for most of it.. OMG I will go through withdrawls- will you be able to post while your training for the new job. (Which have you told us yet what the new job is and I just missed it?)

Yes, I will still be posting while I am in training. I already have several entries typed out and saved (be on the lookout for "What I Learned While Unemployed") in case things get crazy busy. I also now have an iPhone (I love you Nathan!) which will help as well. I'm still mastering the keyboard, so they might be short. I am also planning to update my food journal as well. I'm also not sure how to attach pictures that are on the phone in blogger (I haven't tried it yet), so it may be that when I get home, there will be 2 weeks of posts there. We'll see.

Oh, yes, my new job. I am trained as and have been working as a therapist. Mostly little kids, with some drug rehab thrown in there. I just couldn't do it anymore. I will be starting a higher-paying job (yipee!) working with a "revenue recovery" program to help uninsured hospitalized individuals get health coverage, either through government aid or charitable programs. I'm still working with people, getting to do the part of my profession that I like, and I get to learn a whole new set of skills. The nerd in me is very excited.

LainB asked

random question -- I know your post headings have to do with songs, but how do you choose each day?

You know, that process is more random than your question. Some days, I have a song stuck in my head. Some days, I put on iTunes and hit shuffle and post a line from the song playing. Some days the lyric actually applies. Some days I ask Nathan for a line. And some days, I just pull from my favorite songs, or song lines that remind me of something in particular. And I honestly don't know which song some of them came from. (Today's is from one of my favorite songs. Anyone know? Without putting it into Google?)

Eva asked (in reference to this salad)

that looks amazing...did i miss the post where you said what it is?? including salad and gave the recipe??

The one thing I don't like about my new layout is that it doesn't show links in the text. All recipes are on my recipe blog, and I almost always link them in the text. If you like something, look for the name, put your cursor over it, and click! But I don't put a picture of everything I cook on this blog, so make sure you check out Growl in my Tummy! (I also keep an almost-daily photo food journal at Tryin' on a Brand New Dress. I'll update it much more frequently since I can just take pics with my iPhone instead of hauling out my big camera in restaurants!)

Speaking of my other blogs, over on GimT, CountryJacket asked about the point value of the Sausage and Pepper Quiche. (There are 3 links in that sentence! Go ahead, find them!) The recipe makes 2 9-inch pans. For a quarter of one pan, (1/8 of the recipe - which is a lot) there are 496 calories, 32 grams of fat, and no fiber. Wow. That's why I can't do points anymore. The thought of having to flip over the points finder would have really freaked me out and I wouldn't have eaten this. But it fits well within my calorie allotment and it is so satisfying.

But it's not all about me! I read your blogs as well!

And you guys give me great ideas! My calendar was actually someone else's idea through the Healthy You Challenge. I honestly expected to see pictures of them all over the place yesterday. Where are they? And someone suggested shopping at thrift stores for in-between clothes. I never thought I'd find any that would fit me, but I spent $78 yesterday on 2 pairs of pants, 2 button-up shirts, 2 sweaters, (all high-end brands) and really cute Coach clutch at Plato's closet. Minus shoes, that's almost a whole work wardrobe! Thanks so much for the idea!

I hope I am able to keep up with the commenting while I am gone. If not, know that I have you on my reader and will probaby be spending all my breaks in training reading about you!

Have a great Saturday!

thank you, clarity

January Wrap-Up

(Calendar stickers are for exercise)

Starting Weight 1/1 - 239

Ending Weight 1/31 - 226.2

Weight Loss - 12.8

Total Calories - 44,546

Average Calories per Day - 1437

Total Minutes Exercised - 1890

Average Minutes per Day - 61

Average Calories Burned per Day - 571

Goals for Februrary:

1. No Scale. I will judge my progress on fitting into particular clothing. Pictures (and not flattering ones) will come after my shower.

2. I will exercise for 2,000 minutes in February. The month is 2 days shorter, and I will be out of town for literally half of the month, so this will really be a challenge for me. But I will do it!

3. I will continue to record every bite, lick, and taste in Spark People. I will keep my average between 1400 and 1450.

4. I will continue my Calendar. I will have 2 stickers this month - one for exercise and one for being within the 1200-1500 calorie range. (I was there 20 days in January.)