if I had a million dollars

It's post #100! That's amazing to me.



I have a big favor to ask my Blogland friends. I have decided that along with my purging of things, I am going to set a large collection of my books free. I came across BookCrossing.com. It's a way to send books to others and/or leave them in random places and then have their adventures recorded. I am very excited about this. However, I live in central Kentucky. There is a limit to adventures that a book can have here.

Here lies the favor to me/prize for you. Email me your mailing address, leave a comment, and I'll send you a book. In the mail. It's that easy. I ask only 2 things of you: log it on the website (there are instructions on the inside of the book) and set it free when you are done. You can read it if you like, if it suits your fancy, but when you're done, leave it somewhere. In a dentist's office, at Starbucks, in the newspaper bin at the convenient store, wherever. Then log that into the website as well. This will be so exciting! I have a ton of books that I am liberating, and I can promise that the first 8-10 will be weight loss related and then my favorite fiction. The ones that I didn't enjoy will be going to Goodwill, not to my friends. If you are willing to take more than one, please let me know.

I am still trying to get back on track with my eating. Nathan is home, we're back in our house, things are good. I did have Starbucks for breakfast and I only ate half of my lunch. Dinner is yet to be determined, but it'll probably be take-out.

I'm so excited to get my books into BookCrossing. So my 100th post is going to be short.

Send me addresses and I'll send you books!

all my fruitless searches

I'm back! So is Nathan! We're home and happy.

I love my new job! Things are going so well there!

Eating has been terrible. Pizza, Qudoba, Chick-Fil-A, horrible foods but the quantity of food I have eaten has been substantially less than what I ate a few weeks ago. So that is good.

I will have more to day tomorrow. Right now I'm going to eat spaghetti and go to bed.

I have so many blogs to catch up on! Such exciting stuff!

I have no reasons for you

Hello Blogland!

Today will be short and sweet.

• I listened to a great sermon on the way home from work today. Rob Bell spoke of addictions and how food is a common temptation in the Bible. He discussed feasting and enjoying food as pleasures that God gave us. Eating is sinful and physically unhealthy when we use food as an attempt to fill up the emotional hole we have. Eating is sinful when we try to make food our god. I dig that. I feel like I finally have a grasp on when eating is healthy and celebratory and when eating is sinful.
• Nathan is in Atlanta. I am sad.
• I have our house almost totally clean. The realtor is coming by Wednesday to take pictures and check on the cats.
• I will not be blogging again until probably Saturday. My friend who was supposed to stay with me this week bailed. And since I'm uncomfortable here by myself, and I have another friend who lives an hour away in the city I work in, I'm going to spend the rest of the week there to shorten my commute. I don't think he has internet anymore.
• Nathan is in Atlanta. I am sad.
• I had a hamburger from Sonic today. I was mad that my friend isn't coming to stay, and I was really hungry, and I got a hamburger. Didn't even think about the "no meat" thing until I thought about fixing a frozen dinner with chicken in it. Oh well. I'm back on the wagon.

Don't forget about me! Wish me luck with the realtor! Have a great week!!

I told you I was trouble

Very busy day, and I still have the kitchen to clean!

The reason, you ask? I am hopefully meeting with our realtor in the next few days, so the house needs to be in tip top shape. We are planning on going from this:

To this (the townhouse on the left):




3400 square feet to 1200 square feet. I'm really all about this simplify thing. We've got another car load to take to Goodwill as I type. 2/3s of all our stuff will belong to someone else!


I am so excited. And this should be really possible. The contractors are building a total of 21 units, 4 are finished now, 4 will be ready next month, and the rest will be ready in the next year or so. So that means that if it takes a while for our house to sell, it'll be okay...There will be one ready when we are. It really makes me comfortable and so much less nervous since I was so concerned about the timetable of things.

I love how modern it is. 2 bedroom, 2 bath. The only thing upstairs (in the loft) is a bedroom and a bath. I am totally in love. And Nathan really likes it too!

He leaves for Atlanta tomorrow, and I'm working him to death tonight. Poor guy.

Eating has been okay today. I kinda took today off, and I was still pretty good.

B: Starbucks
L: Vegetarian burrito from Moe's
S: Decaf Iced Coffee, Nate and I split a Brookie (brownie/cookie at the Fudgery)
D: Wheat Chex

Have a great night!

here comes the rain again

I have one thing to say to you:

Get out and support your community theatre!

Tonight, Nate and I went and watched the Children's Theatre performance of "The Hobbit." Not only was it funnier than anything I've seen on television in a long time, some of the acting was even better. The girl that played Gollum was amazing. And the dwarfs, which I thought would all just be dressed in traditional Lord-of-the-Rings-type costumes were in a variety of clothing. One was dressed like a chef and had spatulas on his sword. Another was dressed like a tourist: safari clothes, a lei, and he snapped pictures the whole show. Then the Elf King was a washed-up hippie in hippie gear and eating Funyuns. They responded really well to wardrobe malfunctions..."Hmmm. My sword just broke." When the spiders came out, the assaulted the cast and crowd with silly string. There are just too many things to recount. And the kids were having as much fun as we were. Absolutely hilarious.

Go support community theatre! It's great entertainment!

the heat was more than hungry

Happy Saturday!

Man, have we had a busy day...and it's only 4:30!

2 major projects we can cross off our list!

Our pantry was terribly ugly. So much so that we just had all kinds of stuff in boxes in it. But when I began my purging of stuff, we said "adios" to many of those things. So we were left with still yet another space to beautify.

We started with this ugliness:



And, from Thursday night to this morning, ended up with this! (it's attached to our dining room, and they are now the same color.)

And then comes the hideous staircase. The previous owner did some really stupid things in the house, and the staircase was one of the worst. When we moved in, it had pea-soup green carpet from the landing up and burgundy paint the rest of the way down - except on the overhangs where she did not worry to tear the carpet off. When we pulled up the carpet, we had beautiful original unpainted steps. We had a choice: refinish most of the steps (with a hand sander and a lot of time) or paint them all. (This picture does not do justice to the horribly mismatched staircase that we had grown to love.)

Two years later, we decided to paint them. Tah-dah!!

I also received a very special delivery today! Aimee sent me a package! I haven't received a package that didn't cost me something for a long time! Thank you so much, Aimee, for the cd and the cookbook and bracelet and the card! So very thoughtful! (And the Wedding CD I sent you is actually the favor Nate and I gave at the wedding of our favorite songs. ) I am so excited to try out many of your recipes!!

We also took all our paint cans from working on the house (over 20 of them) and filled them with cat litter so we can dispose of them properly. I'm getting ready to wash dishes and then get ready for our night out on the town - in our little town of 7000 people. We are starting our evening off with another load taken to Goodwill, then dinner at the Fudgery (peanut butter, banana, and honey sandwich on wheat for me, thank you), and a children's production of the Hobbit at the Ragged Edge Community Theater.

Eating? 2 thumbs up.

B: Starbucks and banana

L: 2 eggs, a slice of 2% cheese, 2 pieces toast, strawberry preserves and ketchup (for the eggs)

S: another Starbucks drink, banana Popsicle

D: pb, banana, and honey sandwich

I've found that my eating has gone very well this week. I have been using fitday to record my eating. I put in breakfast and lunch choices the night before. That way they are already in writing and I have made the commitment. Then today, I just add dinner and plan for the next day. It keeps me from eating on the fly. I really haven't been thinking about what I eat. I have been having some physical signs of hunger throughout the day, but I am getting a sense of pride from waiting until my next meal. I have popcorn, jell-o and popsicles available, but I just don't want to give in. That's such a change for me. I am very proud of myself.

Exercise will come next.

Still no tv, limited meat, and I'm listening to sermons on my commute. It's all working out well! Next week, though, Nathan will be in Atlanta, so I'll spend the week with company here or staying with Kent. (I'm scared to stay in this big house all by myself.) The test will come with how well I stick to my guns when others are around. I can do it!

Hope you all are having a great weekend!

I can change, I can change

Happy Friday! This will be rambling, but it's been a full day! I'll just be chronological.

I actually got to do some productive things at work! I think I am really going to like my job. I'm not actually doing therapy anymore, I'm managing foster homes and other case managers. I actually have people that I manage. That's so cool! I really enjoy it so far.

On the way home, I finished listening to the sermon I almost finished yesterday. I still didn't like it. I went back and listened again to the part that I thought was controversial, and she still said that following a scripted weight loss or exercise plan was an idol. I don't agree with that. I think that spending an hour on Saturday and planning my week keeps me from being fixated on food all week. But that's just me.

Then I listened to a sermon out of Mars Hill, minister being the Rob Bell whose books I love but don't necessarily agree with everything he says. The sermon I listened to today was really good. He talked about leaving control and seeking faith. It really hit home to me and my control issues. More than that, though, hearing the message today really comforted me. God will take care of today. I don't need to worry. I will do what I can about selling the house, and finding a new one, but God will take care of that today when it comes.

I ate REALLY well today.

B: Starbucks and banana
L: banana, peanut butter, and honey on flat-out bread, an apple
D: flat bread pizza
S: Wheat Chex and 1% milk


After dinner, Nathan and I took a huge load of stuff to Goodwill. I decided that I wasn't going to keep many of my skinny clothes. Considering I wore them 3 years ago, and I still have a long way to go, they would be out of style before I could wear them again. We also had a lot of sheets and blankets that we haven't used since we moved, and rugs that we don't use since we refinished the floors. We fit almost all of it in the car, and we'll make a second trip in the morning. (Don't worry...the garbage bags are all full of stuff, not trash.)


Tonight I painted the stairs inside the house. Or I primed them atleast. I took a before pic, but I'll wait and post it with the after. Nathan also got the pantry painted, and I'll post before and afters of it as well.

Have a great weekend!

daylight come and I wanna go home

I know I weighed in yesterday, but today I decided to be honest and actually post my weight. Today I am at 221.8. Almost as low as I was during this most recent round of Weight Watchers. Go me! I am hungry a lot, but I'm determined to push through it. I really want a bowl of cereal, but fitday won't load, so I don't know how much I've eaten today without it, and I don't know if I want cereal because I'm hungry or because I'm bored or because I'm craving something that is in Wheat Chex. Boo FitDay!

But today's eating has been good:

B: Starbucks and banana

L: Kashi Sweet and Sour Chicken with broccoli

D: Grilled Tomato Pasta and broccoli

Work was also good today. I think I am really going to enjoy my new job. Although today there was a wreck and I had to turn around and it took me almost 2 hours to get home. It's all good, though. I spent the time listening to a sermon that really confused me.

So I'm listening to this lady talk about gluttony. I know, none of us really wants to hear that. But she had me hooked. She started by talking about her own story and how she used her desire to be skinny and her love of food as roadblocks to God. I bought that. And I think that is something I have struggled with as well. She then discussed that in order to fight the battle of the bulge from a spiritual standpoint, we must give up our need to control things ourselves. We must repent of our gluttonous behaviors, ask for forgiveness, and allow God to help us. Again, I got that. I eat too much, I eat too often, I don't move enough, and I am not enough to fix that. I may have sporatic successes, but I can only do this for the right reasons if I let God drive. I have to want God to change my heart not just my body. That really spoke to me. I do often pray for comfort in my skin, for positive feelings of self-worth, for some sort of magical change that will turn my body around. But I pray for the changes to occur on the outside, not on the inside. What I did learn today is something I already know: I cannot do this by myself. And I must ask for, and accept, a change in my heart.

But then the sermon got really confusing for me. (And I still have 12 minutes left to listen to, so she may wrap it all up nicely.) She talks about how we use idols. We use food, television, other distractions as idols. These nasty little things also keep us from being the person God wants us to be. She talked about the time that we spend thinking about food, planning food, planning exercise, and that all this time could be spent in more productive ways, like meditating on God and His word. So how am I going to do this? I seriously think that in order for me to not be a glutton, I have to plan. I have to shop once for the week and not deviate from the menu. I have to have my exercise plan written into my calendar. I have to plan. She discussed planning like it would somehow also become an idol that was a distraction from God's plan. That's when I stopped listening. I'm going to go finish it up in a few minutes.

I have been doing very good on my 30 day goals. Limited meat in my Kashi meal for lunch. Yes, it is processed food, but it's Kashi! They care and are trustworthy. Still no tv. It was really hard tonight 'cause That 70's Show was on while we were eating dinner. But we resisted. I listened to a sermon on the way home. I am going to try really hard to restart C25K Saturday morning. Really hard. I have also been drinking a whole lot of water. That helps me feel better as well.

And I'm going to have a bowl of cereal. I typed out my whole blog, and I still want it. Doesn't someone say that when you get a craving, you should distract yourself for 20 minutes? I've done that, and I still want Wheat Chex.

Kitchen, here I come!

what a mighty mighty good man

Nathan is currently pulling up carpet. I must run to his aid. Thus this will be short...I have little time.

I heart my new job. I have my own office, instead of sharing a room with three other people. I already feel motivated but not stressed, and it appears that is the common vibe. It was a good day.

I am doing awesome on my goals. No tv. No meat today. There will be meat tomorrow, but it's chicken in a Kashi meal and it was already in my freezer and I need lunch. Limited meat, I remind myself.

We are working really hard to get the house ready, hopefully up for sale next week!

Eating today was good:

B: starbucks and a banana
L: lettuce, black beans, corn, tomatoes, lime viniagrette and grapes
D: Corn chowder and a veggie kabob and a glass of milk
S: wheat chex

'Night all!

my style is like a chemical spill

So today, after all that vacationing, I am officially back on track.

I have set the following goals for today through July 18:

• No tv in my house. If I am visiting someone or at the gym, I will not be a social outcast and deny myself. I just won't have it on in my house.
• I am eating very little meat. Kinda the same principle. Not in my house. If I'm out and there is no meatless option, it's okay to indulge. Fish is okay. But I am ingesting very limited meat.
• I am eating very limited processed foods. Only frozen lunches as a last resort. Not much of it.
• I am starting the Couch-to-5K this weekend. And I am doing it outside.
• I am listening to a sermon every day on the commute home from work.
• I am still allowing myself my daily starbucks drink. Too much change to try to change that as well.

Okay. There it is. I said it. I feel good about it. I am using fitday.com as Aimee suggested. Thanks!

Today was really good foodwise. Actually, it was great all the way around.

Breakfast: Starbucks drink, 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1 slice 35 calorie bread

Lunch (at the Fudgery): peanut butter, banana, and honey on whole wheat. They even gave us ice cream to take home (for free!), but I dropped it off at my previous place of employment.

Dinner: 2 whole grain waffles with pumpkin-yogurt sauce. I tried to make pumpkin pancakes, but the recipe called for add-water-only pancake mix, and I didn't read that and I bought normal whole wheat pancake mix. So no matter what I added, the consistancy wasn't right. It's no big deal, I'll try again next week.

Snack: banana popsicle and a handful of reduced fat potato chips.

I feel really good about it all.

I'm off to make lunch for tomorrow. New day, new job!!

party in the city where the heat is on

Well, party in Lawerence, Kansas. When we arrived at the airport in Kansas City, there was a big sign that said , "Bienvenido a Missouri" which I sang all week to Will Smith's Miami song. I entertained myself.

But, alas, I am ahead of myself. I am back! And we had an amazing trip. (That is Krissie-speak for "be prepared for a long post.")

We left Thursday after work (last day!) and drove to Louisville. We went to the Summit for Nathan to buy some new shoes. While there, we ate at Mitchell's Fish Market where I had the amazing Tropical Tilapia. and walked around the shopping center listening to a Beatles cover band. It was such a neat atmosphere to only be an hour away from our home.

Friday 6.15:

Then we boarded a plane at the butt-crack-of dawn...actually, it was several hours earlier (we left the hotel at 4am, to be exact). We flew to Chicago and I was really impressed with the airport. We split a Cinnabon, a banana, and a bottled Starbucks drink. We then flew to Kansas City, met up with the rest of my family, and had an interesting discussion with a foreign man who didn't know how to pump gas. We went into downtown Lawrence and ate at the Mad Greek. We (Mom, Dad, brother Nick, his wife Leah, brother Zak, hubby Nate and myself) then drove our oh-so-trendy rented minivan into Topeka where the boys toured my brother's crime lab and us girls shopped without the ability to purchase much due to traveling by air. The evening found us back in Lawrence for dinner, I HEART Ole Tapas. Without question, my favorite meal of the trip. Spanish appetizers that you just pass around the table. Great food, great atmosphere, and they bring the food out as it is ready. The way it's spread out, you feel full without eating a lot because you eat a little at a time. Big thumbs up. We finished off the evening with a walk around Lawrence. We really liked the Signs of Life bookstore/coffeehouse. It was a great mix of typical bookstore with a large Christian section and rooms for Bible study. We ended up at Ben and Jerry's, where I had the Cinnamon Bun ice cream. Yumm. (Nate had a coffee drink from Signs of Life.)

Saturday 6.16:

We started off the day with bagels and coffee at Panera. We once again hopped in the van and headed to check out the Flinthills of eastern Kansas. I really thought it would be flatter, but the terrain was much like our central Kentucky hills, just with fewer trees and more wind. We ended up close to Fort Riley and my brother the firearms examiner spotted some big guns at the top of the hill across from the base. So we took a hike. Flip flops and all. Some of our best pictures came from our hike:

i.e. Mom and Dad by one of the big guns.

the very scary lizard that hissed and jumped a lot. I would have been okay in tennis shoes, but I was afraid he'd bite my toe. While my brother, Nick, scared and taunted his wife with the lizard, Nate and Dad generously shooed the lizard away.

brother Nick and his wife Leah by the biggest gun

brother Zak taking in the view. I think this one really shows how high we were.

Then we stopped in Manhattan, Kansas for lunch. Nathan and I ate at the Bluestem Bistro where I had the turkey and cranberry chutney sandwich. We looked around bookstores and headed back to Lawrence.

We dropped Nick and Leah off at their hotel to swim and went to the grocery store. We love Hy-Vee. Then we picked them up again. We finished up the evening with Zak's choice of a new dish to try, Spaghetti alla Carbonara. I cooked at his apartment. Some of my family were kinda skeptical, but as always, Krissie came through. We played several rounds of Apples to Apples, and we had a really good time.

Sunday 6.17:
We started off the day on Mass Street. Nathan, Zak, and I got coffee at this great place that I have forgotten the name of. (edit: It was La Prima Taza. Thanks Zak!!) This time I was able to take some pictures of our favorite stores since it wasn't dark! As mentioned above, the cool bookstore:

Shark's Surf Shop. Who'da thunk a surf shop in Kansas?

One of our necessities is an outdoor store, and we found one at Sunflower Outdoor and Bike. This one has a cat named Stanley. And I have a sticker to put on the car now as well!

The rest of the fam opted for subs, but Nate and I decided to brave a new restaurant called ingredient, which unfortunately is too new for a website. I think it opened the day before we were there.It was awesome. Nate and I shared the Applewood Pizza you see below. Smoked chicken-apple sausage, rustic tomato sauce, and gouda cheese. Very yummy.

We then made our way back into Kansas City. We spent a while in Cabela's, where I decided I need to be more of a vegetarian. Too many hunters and animals that were stuffed. Then we hung out at Legends for a while, this huge outdoor mall close to the speedway. Again, we bought nothing, but walking around the area was really cool.

We had dinner at the Yard House, which was nothing short of amazing food. I had tuna and Nate had lamb chops. So much for the vegetarian thing. But the food was great.

Then we took Nick and Leah to the airport and went back to Zak's. On the way, we decided we wanted ice cream. Zak found a little spot on Mass Street (again, I don't remember the name) that stayed open to serve us. (Edit: Zak to the rescue again! The ice cream was from Sylas and Maddy's.) So they got a big tip. And they gave Dad his cone for free since it was Father's Day. We went back to Zak's and stayed up late discussing what's going to happen in the last Harry Potter book. I'm excited!

Monday 8.18:

Ugh. Airport day. We started the day in Kansas City, where we had Starbucks and read for a while. I finished Icy Sparks and got started on Affluenza. We ended up eating lunch in the airport as well (Sbarro is good!). We read some more, got on a plane, and ended up in Atlanta. I am 90% sure we were on the Hank Aaron plane, which is pretty cool. Then we sat in Atlanta for a while, had Chick-Fil-A, and ended up in Louisville around midnight. We drove the hour home, and were very relieved to finally be in our own bed again.

Tuesday 8.19? Not a darn thing.

Yes.

I hope you all had a great weekend! I have so much more to say, but this has been an incredibly long post. Wish me luck at my new job tomorrow!

it takes two to make it out of sight

Last day of work! Last day of work! Woot woot!

I cannot thank my lovely blog buddies enough for all their help yesterday. You solved all my problems!

Mindy - thanks. I am taking an entire box of baggies. And I've found that they really help my organization as well. I can actually see what's in my make-up bag. I wouldn't have thought of the baggies.

Maryann - The website was a life saver. I actually now have a baggie that looks a lot like the picture.

Amy - I hate to hear that you are leaving Bellarmine, but we knew it was coming. Big congrats! And I think we are planning on coming to your celebration (not in Florida). So many changes for you! And, I too, now have short-term health insurance!

Marie - I know how you feel about airports. However, we are flying out of Louisville, and I am very comfortable there. When I was in college there, I spent a lot of time picking up and dropping off friends, and trying to spot famous people during derby week.

You all are awesome!

The potluck yesterday was awesome. My dear friend Courtney made my chicken salad (and well!) and there was tons of fruit and veggies and dips and one plate of cookies. It rocked. The food was great, the company was great, and I got great gifts. Gift certificates to the Fudgery and the store where I buy Vera Bradley bags. I've actually picked out the one I'm buying, and the one I am donating in return.

I am so excited about Kansas. Nate and I are driving to Louisville tonight, doing a little shopping, and staying in a hotel. Then we'll be at the airport at 4:30 am to be ready for our 6am flight. I figure this way I'll be sleepy and will sleep on the plane. Even with our layover, we'll land in Kansas City before lunch. Very exciting! Carr family, here we come!! (that felt like something from Extreme Home Make Over!)

Yeah, Kansas. So we'll be gone until really stinking late Monday night. I may be able to post while I am out there, but I don't expect to. If you don't see me for several days, please don't forget about me! I look forward to catching up with everyone when I get back!

Have a great weekend!

never trust a big butt and a smile

Yippee! I am getting ready for my second-to-last day of my current job! I don't know if I could be more excited. They (being people that work in our main office, not my own) are having a "healthy potluck end-of-the-day experience" for me this afternoon, and I am very excited about the loads of fruit and (gasp!) healthy chicken salad (!) I have been promised.

With all the job excitement and lack of healthiness overtaking this blog of late, I have barely mentioned the reason for most of my excitement. On Friday, we jump on a plane and head to Kansas! I am so excited to spend time with my family. It really is our vacation for the summer. People say, "Why Kansas?" And I explain that my littlest brother is there in Lawrence and has the coolest job in the world and lives in the coolest city in the world and I explain the sidewalks, I mean "fitness trails," and Mass Street and the stinky Korean store...just so much excitement!

I'm a little nervous about the plane, though. I haven't flown since 9/11. Not because of fear, but I just haven't. I have a whole slew of fears regarding getting my stuff on the plane, all of which are very silly.

• What if I pack something I'm not supposed to pack? What if I foret to take the fingernail clippers out of my purse? Or someone deems my Clinique foundation suspicious and takes it from me? I'll look scary in all my pictures!
• What if they say my carry-on is too big? I keep looking but can't find anything that tells the dimensions of an acceptable carry-on! What if they won't let me take the bag on the plane and I'm left without my favorite clothes and make-up? (again, I'll look terrible in all the Kansas pics!)
• I had a nightmare that one of my flip flops was confiscated. One that I was wearing at the time. I had to get on the plane wearing one shoe. Now I'm considering not taking flip flops at all.

Ugh! I know it will be fine, and maybe I'm focusing on the stuff aspect to distract myself from the fact that I may be a little afraid to fly. That's fine. Consider me distracted.

I am also really torn about health insurance. My new job has a 90 day wait before I an eligible for insurance. I KNOW I need it, but I also know that in the last 3 years, I have gone to the doctor twice. Twice. What are the chances that I'll contract something in the next 3 months that can't wait? I know, this would be the time where we would get pregnant, even though it hasn't happened for 2 years. Do I spend a ton of money on the transition coverage (COBRA)? Do I not leave the house and pray for no injury or illness? Ugh. I just don't know. But I've got to figure it out. My last day of work is tomorrow. TOMORROW! Yay!

I must get ready for work today now. Have a great day in blogland!

using colors bold and bright

Remaining days at current job: 2!

Wooo what a day! I've been nominated by two bloggers for the Thinking Blogger Award. I am so excited and thankful.

I was nominated by Sarah. She is super cool and we have very similar tastes in music. It seems like she always makes time for her workouts despite how stressful her life may be. She motivates me to try the best I can no matter how crazy my life gets. I also think her blog title is one of the wittiest thing I've ever read (Phat Girl in a Little Coat), being that Tommy Boy is my favorite movie of all time. Thank you so much, Sarah!

I was also nominated by Marie. Marie's is one of my favorite blogs, as I get so much inspiration reading about people who are successful in their weight loss journeys. She motivates me to run. One day, Marie, I will be a runner. I also find her recent scale woes entertaining. She commented on the song lyrics from my blog titles, and I really didn't think anyone cared or payed attention to any of that. I am so excited that you nominated me, Marie!

So, as I understand it, my new charge is to choose 5 blogs have an influence on my thinking. These are the rules I have been provided (and that apply to you if you get tagged!):

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

My five were really hard to pick. I read a lot of blogs, and some of my favorites have already been tagged. It was SO HARD to narrow down to the five most intriguing, but here goes.

1. Aimee at Aimee's Adventures
2. AMuldoon at New Year, New Me
3. A FatBridesmaid
4. The Token Fat Girl
5. Jeannie at Points and Pounds

Thank you ladies so much for your inspiration and making me think! I look forward to reading your blogs every day!

By the way, Contest Winners, your packages will go out in the mail tomorrow! Be on the look-out!

listen to the music on the lake

Days remaining of current job: 3

Today has been a huge, embarrassing failure because:

• I had 2 starbucks drinks today.
• I bought a new Vera Bradley bag. After all my purging of bags. I really did need one to have as a carry-on for Friday. That means I have to put one of the ones I decided to keep in the Goodwill pile. That will be done. Amen.
• I have eaten 3 mini Reese cups today.
• Nathan spent all evening working in the yard. I did very little. I mostly watched tv and played stupid games on the internet.
• The crap I cleaned out of my desk and shelves at work will almost fill up my trunk. I can't bear to leave it behind because I paid for the stuff (art therapy supplies, play therapy supplies, books, toys, games, etc). Although I won't use it in my new job, I'm not about to leave it there. It's a stubbornness and pride thing for me I guess. I don't know where I'm going to put it all in my house. I guess it's a good thing I'd cleaned out so much stuff.

Today has been a success because:

• I went through the drive-thru at Taco Bell today. I had a single soft taco supreme and an extra large ice water.
• I managed to have a meeting with the boss's boss and stayed objective and factual about why I am unhappy with my current job.
• I pulled weeds in the flowerbeds in the front of the house and around trees.
• I talked to my friend Vanessa in Idaho. I'm going to make hotel reservations so we can attend her wedding in July. It's not in Idaho, just Ohio.

Despite my annoyances with today, the next week will be awesome because:

I finish my job on Thursday!Thursday night finds me and Nate in a hotel in Louisville so that...

Friday we will board a plane and head to see the brother Zak in Kansas! We are meeting my parents, my other brother and his wife for a long weekend in the Sunflower State. It's been a while since we've all been together that hasn't been due to illness. I miss my brothers. We're all growing up, and away, now. I'm three hours from home, Nick's still home but he works and goes to school all the time, and Zak's 12 hours from home. There was a day when we used to look like this. Sigh. I have no idea how old this picture is. I mean, isn't the spiral perm every young girl's dream? But at least the boys don't have mullets. They must have outgrown them by then...

we climb on two by two

I can't believe how fast the weekend went by...grrrr.

We had a great day yesterday, as we cleaned out our pantry, which has actually been the closet of things we never unpacked from our move 2+ years ago. We took a car full of stuff to Goodwill and have almost as much to recycle or throw away. We started on our upstairs back closet, but it was full of stuff from our parents' homes, so the nostalgia slowed things down. I found a copy of the Suck List, a list that hung in my dorm hallway in college that documented 1001 reasons my best friend and I sucked. Some of it was hilarious. Much of it I didn't understand or remember, and some of it reminded me of how much I was stuck in a terrible relationship. I'm so glad Nathan rescued me from who I was. I was on the track to being a bitter and lonely person. I would have been much fatter if I was bitter and lonely, I'm sure.

Today we went to visit Kent in Lexington. For some reason, we drove around and looked in houses on the Tour of Luxury Homes. It is absolutely disgusting what houses are selling for a mere 40 miles from our current home.

Did I mention that I ate tons of crap today? A jerk chicken sandwich and chips for lunch at Cosi. Buffalo chicken sandwich, fries, and Pepsi for dinner at Ramsey's. Why do I drink Pepsi? I know it upsets my stomach. I know I'll pay for it all evening. But I do it anyway. Maybe I've learned my lesson this time.

So the contest is officially over! I have decided that the winners will each receive a copy of my "Kick off the Covers" cd and two random cds from my collection. Very exciting! For the winners: Email me your address (questionsfordessert at gmail dot com) and I'll get the prizes out to the winners by the end of the week! And the winners are:

1. Southern Fried Fatty
2. Aimee
3. Fat Bridesmaid
4. Marie
5. Token Fat Girl

It's time for a bath and bed for me. Four days of work, then Kansas for four days, one day off, and a new job! It's an exciting time to be me!

so please be kind if I'm a mess

It's a day full of cleaning, organizing, and purging of stuff for me! I'm actually excited, and I'll be even more so once I get my morning Starbucks drink! I'm sure there will be some before and after pics to show my progress!

Have a great Saturday! Today is your last chance to get in on the contest. Post here!

could I have been your little sister?

Great news! I am a fully-licensed therapist! I got my beautiful certificate in the mail today! I've been working for 7 long years for today (2 years of grad school + 2 years working + 1 more year of grad school +2 more years working). So to celebrate, Nathan and I went out and had a sensible dinner. That was funny. We went to Johnny Carinos. We ate. And had dessert. It was glorious. That being said, it's the first time in a long time (several months, I think) that I've eaten to the point of being disgustingly full. I had forgotten how uncomfortable this feels. I think it will keep me from doing it again for a while.

My eating has been terrible today. All kinds of junk. So much sugar, I don't even know where to begin. When will I stop torturing myself? Right now, because I am not going to wallow in defeat.

Anyway, after dinner, we went to Old Navy. I also decided to treat myself to a new outfit for my first day of my new job (a week from today!). I learned 2 things at Old Navy:

1. My bust gets in the way of allowing some cute dresses to look cute. Anything that has a waist just makes me look like I'm looking trying to show off my chest.

2. If the dress has no waist, I have no shape. Or, should I say, my shape is blob. That's what I am. Blob-ish. The cute dresses without a defined waist just hung off my lovely bust and created a horrible mu-mu thing. So cute, but so un-cute on me.

So we left Old Navy empty handed. Boo. And I won't even order the clothes I want on-line (that they didn't have in the store) because it may take them a while to get here and I don't want them to sit on the porch the whole time we are in Kansas. Blech!!

I think I am going to start going through some of my books tonight. I'm not reading anything right now and maybe I'll find something I haven't read as I begin my purging of 2/3 of my books.

Remember to respond to this post to be entered in the contest.

Have a great night!

after the storm all the colors came out

I've done it! The purging of stuff has officially begun!

My initial goal was to keep only 5 bags. Once I began pulling bag after bag after bag out of my closet, I realized this goal was outrageous. There were that many that I wanted to keep for purely sentimental and not practical reasons. So I reverted to my overall goal: to purge myself of 2/3 of my belongings. In this case, 48 bags would be narrowed down to 16. (Actually, it was 18. I just now realized that I can't divide in my head while stressed about getting rid of bags. With my misguided math, I was keeping 18 bags, and that is what I did. I stand by that decision.)

My process looked like this: I kept 2 bags that have my name or initials on them. My LLBean backpack my dad sent me my freshman year of college because I was carrying one of his that he wanted back. The other was a bridesmaid's gift from my brother's wedding. Then I picked bags I need/may need for travel: my huge (and no longer produced) navy blue Vera Bradley duffel and 2 large "Life is Good" bags that have sentimental value because each was bought in one of my two favorite places ever (one at Mast General Store in Asheville, NC and the other at Kitty Hawk Kites in Nags Head, NC). Then I decided, for necessity only, to keep my mesh Old Navy bag for trips to the beach. Unhappy that it took up an important space, but it was for necessity. Then 2 bags (small pink duffel and green flowered bag, both Vera Bradley) for weekend travel and gym bags. Then I had 10 left to play with, struggling to determine my 10 favorites. I was very surprised that I picked many Vera bags over the two Dooneys I've had for years. I kept two small dressy ones, and my all time favorite, a blue bag with orange flowers that Nathan got me for Valentine's Day last year.

I also cleaned out from under the bathroom sink and the multiple drawers that are mine. I am freeing myself of all those crazy Clinique free gift bags and the crap that comes in them. I've used all the good stuff by now anyway. I decided to hold on to all my hair supplies just in case I ever decide to grow my hair back out again. Straighteners aren't cheap!

Eating was out of control today. Work was a beast. I assume that those two things are related. I had a Starbucks drink and mini-muffins, ravioli, another Starbucks drink and 1 hostess cupcake, toast with strawberry jelly, and spaghetti. (The spaghetti was awesome, though. I just put cherry tomatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, and some Little Caesar's Spice Packs in some foil and Nate grilled it until everything was soft then we put it over spaghetti. It rocked.) Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Work wise and food wise. 6 more days of this job! Yippee!!

My co-worker led group therapy today (with 10 kids from 7-11) and he talked about the difference between wants and needs. The kids talked about it in terms of our lives, and then we looked at pictures from Africa and discussed wants and needs in their lives. It was a great group, and I felt like it also applied to me and this purging of stuff I am doing. I am freeing myself of my wants, or at least 2/3s of them. It feels good.

The weight is next!

REMEMBER! Register for the contest! At stake is a mix CD from me of remakes (Nickel Creek covering "Toxic" by Brittney Spears is the only hint I'll give!) and 2 bonus items that are not junk that I am getting rid of. Things that I don't want to throw away or give to strangers. Leave a comment on this post.

I'll leave you with a cartoon I got from Nathan today that made me laugh out loud.

i used to say, "the more tragic, the better"

I don't always read footnotes. Sometimes they are uninteresting, but sometimes they really add to what I'm reading. And sometimes I don't really care where the information came from. But when the information isn't available is when I miss it.

I am an avid reader of Oprah's magazine. As discussed in a previous post, her show makes me want to eat for unknown reasons, but I love the magazine. In this month's, she has a little blurb from some guy names Chris Hedges in the Million Ways to Save the World section (page 79 for anyone interested). He talks about faith and how any faith that involves a loving God cannot encourage or support violence. Cool. But the he says this:

Finally, remember that Jesus taught us there are two ways to be rich: We can amass wealth or have few needs. Defy the consumer culture. Live simply.

I would like to have specific instances in the Bible to support this, but I totally buy it (buy it! ha!) and I believe that I have been feeling the tug to begin to live my life more in this manner. I have realized that our house is just too big for the two of us. Heck, we can have 4 houseguests and not even know they are here. We have accumulated so much stuff over the 2 years we have been in this ginormous house. And it's starting to feel like a weight to me. Live simply, Krissie.

I just finished reading Branded, and I feel guilty for buying anything at anywhere other than a thrift store. (But do you ever see plus sized clothing in a thrift store? Seriously.) Now I'm reading Nickel and Dimed and feel an even greater tug to use what I have more wisely. I have never had to call agencies and try to find where my next meal would come from. I have never had to scrub someone's floor. Especially not when they were watching me.

So I have too much stuff. I have books that I haven't opened in 10+ years. I probably have 25 purses, and shoes that I never wear, and boxes of clothes (that have tags and are multiple sizes too small), and 2 sewing machines, and boxes of who-knows-what. And, what do I plan to do about this? I purge. (Stuff, not food.)

That's right. I'm getting rid of my crap. It feels like shedding something. Like getting rid of the stuff will somehow help me get rid of all the weight (figuratively and literally) that I carry around with me all day. How can I expect my head and my body to make sense when I have closet doors that I don't want to open. My house and my stuff are in someway a representation of the me I am: clean and organized upon first look, but a mess once you start opening up the closet doors and looking in the corners.

So my plan:

• I am upping the anty on the contest. Not only will the 5 lucky winners (and right now only 5 contestants!) receive a "Kick off the Covers" cd of my own creation, but 2 bonus items. I'm not talking crappy stuff that no one wants. Things like books related to diet/food, maybe a nice handbag (I love Vera Bradley!), my mom makes her own candles and I have a ton of them, picture frames with my photography, things like that. Personal stuff. The stuff I would be putting in your gift boxes are the things that I am reluctant to part with, the things that I want to go to people who know me. And the fact that you read my blog shows that you know me. It's not too late to register! Respond to this post!

• I am starting the Core Plan with Weight Watchers when I get back from Kansas. That may sound like an excuse, but it is a plan. I will continue writing down what I eat and exercising every day until the trip. I do well enough making point-friendly choices on vacation, I think trying Core would push me over the edge and cause me to throw up my arms in defeat.

• I will clean out a closet a week until the move. I will leave no stone unturned, no box unopened. I have the goal of gifting/donating/throwing away 2/3 of my current belongings. If I haven't used it in a year, it's gone. (Goodbye masses of Clinique free gift makeup bags!)

Thank you for listening and good night.

(Footnote: Nathan thought this post should be titled, "This town needs an enema!" I initially agreed. But, upon further consideration, I thought that it was obnoxious in big letters. I also didn't like the departure from song lyrics to movie lines. I mean, if I was doing movie quotes, every title would have something to do with brake pads or turning into toads. Nathan then suggested the song for the title, and it was successful. He was also very gassy during the entire conversation.)

and my eyes confound me

Token Fat Girl's most recent post is amazing. Really speaks to where I am.

My point is, is that for whatever reason, like seemingly a lot of people I’ve succumbed to living a half life. I have very sweet moments, but there are so many times that I go through the motions, get caught up in the negative, fight the wrong battles and take advantage of my body and health as if it were here forever. There are things that I want in life and somehow disconnect dreams with reality. Living a so-so life just isn’t acceptable to me anymore. When I die, no one will thank me for not living my life. I don’t mean to be so cliché. Part of me fears being the best I can, what will people think? Do I deserve the best? What is the best? I know deep down that I have been punishing my life with food and self-pity for reasons that ultimately are not that important.

I have a new understanding that I don’t have enough time to be mediocre. I don’t have enough energy to cater to the insecurities of other people. I don’t have enough time to sabotage my health. I don’t have enough time to not live my life. I don’t have time to take for granted my friends and family. I don’t have time to not be the person I dream to be.

I am not living a half-life anymore. Today I am me. I am not punishing myself. I am respecting my body and my soul. I am eating vegetables for lunch. I am going to the gym after work. I am loving myself the way I love everyone else in my life. I am pushing myself, with a gentle nudge, to live the life I want to live. No excuses. Not because I am punishing myself for the bad choices in the past, but because I refuse to punish myself anymore by not allowing myself to live to my potential.

I love myself enough to change, to try my hardest to meet my potential. And I'm doing it.

this only serves to confirm my suspicion

Yeah. So I went to Weight Watchers yesterday morning. And I now officially weigh more than when I started 2 months ago. By .8 pounds. Yeah. I'm a loser. Or I'm not a loser. However you want to look at it.

I wish I could say that it was a kick in the butt or some big motivator or something, but that wouldn't be totally true. I did okay food-wise yesterday (starbucks drink, banana with peanut butter, hamburger and steamed veggies, mandarin chicken salad). And, for the most part, I did okay today (starbucks drink; spinach omlette, hash browns, toast; red lentil curry and rice, milk), ignoring the IC Mocha from Panera. Groan.

I've come across several things recently that I really want to blog about, and one more hit me today. I really like Postsecret. I do not link to it on my sideboard 'cause there is often nudity and otherwise sexual material. But I do think it often provides thoughts of others that I can relate to. Two postcards in particular this week really spoke to me.



We are all waiting for something. Some of us have legitimate reasons. But I think that mostly we have excuses. I am the queen of justifying things and making excuses. I'll run when I have new running shoes. I have them, and I'm not running. I'll eat healthier when I buy healthy things at the grocery store. We did that, and I still had an IC Mocha today. I'll go to the gym when the time changes; I hate getting out of bed in the dark. The time changed months ago and I spend 40 minutes each morning reading blogs, just to do it again when I get home!


What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for this to be easy. I'm waiting to prefer the taste of a frozen Kashi meal to a meatloaf sandwich. I'm waiting for Starbucks drinks to no longer be available at Mr. Kwik every morning. I'm waiting for the treadmill to come to my house, pick me up, and invite me to the gym. While there, the treadmill will welcome me with a grilled cheese sandwich, a Pepsi on ice and a pill that burns calories and builds muscle while I take a nap. A nice nap in a soft bed and lots of pillows that smells like lavendar. Wake up, Krissie! It's not going to happen!

What can I do? Keep on keeping on. I have mentioned this list in a previous post, but I created one of my own. I'm going to make many small copies and post it everywhere (in my car, on my desk, on my fridge, on my mirror, in my wallet, and anywhere else I look often). And I'm going to read it until I believe it. I may add excuses as they arise, but I will defeat this. I will win the battle with myself. I believe I can do that.

Not Monday. Not when all the food is gone. Not after the holidays. Not after my birthday. Not when it is warmer outside. Not when I buy the healthy groceries. Not when I have time to go to the gym. Not after my period. Not when it stops raining. Not right before an important event. Not when I get that new exercise DVD. Not when I get new sneakers. Not after this pint of ice cream. Not after I buy the clothes that don’t fit. Not after vacation. Not after we move. Not after I research my next diet plan. Not because I feel guilty. Not because of him. Not because I feel bad about the way I look. Not after this weekend. Not after this last bite. Not because of fear. Not for anyone else.
I choose me. I choose today.

Keep me accountable, okay?

And remember to register to win the amazing musical mix (currentley titled Kick off the Covers) by commenting on this post. And, since I can't count or consult a calendar, the drawing will be Sunday, June 10 (not the 9th, since that is a Saturday).

I hope you all had a great weekend, and have a great Monday in store. Only 9 days left of the current job! Single digits!

when I'm lonely or on my own

When I was a teenager, we had a pool in our backyard. My brothers, friends, and I played volleyball sometimes. One of my most vivid memories from that time is that we would often break into random song. If we missed the volleyball, we'd start singing,"I Missed Again" by Phil Collins. (Hence the very random title of this blog.)

Today I am not missing. Today I am going to Weight Watchers. I'm sure the number will be frightening, but I am going.

I'm tired. I'm tired of not doing this right. I'm tired of doing thisngs halfway, and then quarter way, and then not at all. I'm tired of not giving to myself what I give to other people. I am smart. I am successful. I can lose weight. But I tend to put other things ahead of that on my priority list. I like tv. I like to sit on the couch. I like chocolate and hot dogs. I like scrambled eggs (with cheese and bacon on toasted bread). I need to peel off all these horrid layers of laziness and gluttony and become the person I know I am.

One of the things I love is music. Music gets me going. It makes me want to run (sometimes). It makes me want to go. So I am sharing some of my favorites with you. Being under a lot of weight is like being under heavy covers, and I'm done with that! In honor of peeling off the layers of crazy, I am offering you a selection of my favorite cover songs. So here's the deal.

You have one week to reply to this post and just let me know that you are entering the contest. I will create 5 copies of the musical masterpiece and will choose 5 random replies (I'll number them, and choose numbers out of a hat or bowl or something else round). I know I may be flattering myself that 5 people out there will actually want my cd, but I can hope.

I will choose the lucky winners next Sunday, June 9, and get the cds on their way!

So I'm getting back on the scale today. I'll share the good, the bad, and the ugly tomorrow.

one eye on the clock

So yesterday didn't go exactly as planned, but it went mostly well.

I stuck to my eating plan through dinner. I didn't go to the gym, but I did walk 2 miles at work, so that evened out. I had really planned on getting Subway at the mall, but I talked Nate into trying P.F.Chang's since he hadn't been there. I had some shrimp and walnuts and honeydew concotion that was awesome. (Then I got my new shoes!) But there was success in the story, as I not only withstood the temptation of the flourless chocolate cake, but also the Godiva chocolate stand and the Starbucks in the mall. Go me!

Current job countdown: 10 days. Today we are taking the kids to the pool. That should get a typical person excited, but I always dread the "Why aren't you swimming?" question from the kids. I want to be honest and say something like, "Haven't you noticed that I'm fat? Yeah, and I have some issues about that and I choose not to get into a bathing suit around the guys I work with. So I'm just going to sit here in my sleeveless top and shorts. That's even a big step for me. So be proud of me for that. And remember to take the swimming test before you go in the deep end!"

We went to a different pool last year, and some people that work in another office were there. Several girls from that office are much larger than me. And they were just hanging around in their suits and chasing the kids they work with and just appeared so free. I found myself getting angry at them for being secure. How messed up is that? That's just not me. I'm doing well to not wear sleeves. That's one thing I tell myself every summer: Next summer, I'll be thin when we take the kids to the pool. But, guess what, I only have 10 more days, 2 more trips to the pool 'cause my new job starts on the 20th!

And the 15th, we leave for Kansas! I am so excited to take Nathan out to my brother's place. I really liked it out there. I haven't been on a plane in forever, and Nathan and I have never flown together, so this is going to be very exciting. Our goal is to get everything we need into carry-ons so we don't have to check anything. I am seriously thinking about just shipping our toiletries to Zak so we don't have to worry about getting that all through. We'll see.

I do have a food plan today, but it's not the best one.

Breakfast:
Egg and cheese sandwich
Starbucks drink

Lunch:
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
baked lays

Dinner:
grilled pork loin (with this really spicy cranberry salsa we bought this weekend)
grilled corn

...unless Nathan has a softball game, then dinner is totally up in the air

I don't know what my problem is. Motivation comes and goes. I must be disciplined. Hmm. I'm not being to successful at that either. Blah!