tonight I'll lie in the wide open field

I do not know if I can explain to you how awesome last night was.

I'll tell you first that Nickel Creek once again said no to photography, but I snuck two pictures, without flash, and this is the best I could do.

So we had dinner at Panera with our dear friends from the Fudgery. And then we head to the theatre. Our seats were front row center. We laughed a lot at the opening/warm up comedian. And then Nickel Creek were on stage. Right in front of us. I could have touched Chris Thile or Sara several times, but I'm not a freak. So they play, and we are close enough to hear their banter, and Chris interacted with us a few times. Neat-o. They played all our favorites (House Carpenter, Helena, the Fox, Can't Complain) and ended the show. Of course, they came back out for an encore. They invited people to come and sit up on stage (hence the heads in front of us). We opted to stay in our front-row standing position. They played a few songs and then, out of no where, Chris Thile points at Nathan (my husband!) and says, "What do you want to hear?" Nathan responds quickly with Raggle Taggle Gypsy, a song they did with the Chieftans several years ago. It took them a while to figure it out, but they seemed impressed with his choice and made it through. They took a few other requests, but the Mandolin guy picked Nathan out of the crowd! Just awesome. (You can read a review here.)


The University of Kentucky paper (Kentucky Kernel) posted other pics today that are much better than mine.

In other news, this house stuff is really annoying me. I think I told you all how it rained in our kitchen, which resulted in trying to fix the ceiling, which was unsightly. So today they scraped and restomped the ceiling. It looks nice, but I cannot say the same for the huge (and I do mean very large) scuff mark on our kitchen wall. A big, black mark that will not scrub off. I guess that means that Mr. Repair Man (or the company that repairs our stuff) will be painting to have our wall repainted. And that's just what we can see in the horrible light (the light fixtures won't be put back in until tomorrow). Grrrr.

I am also slightly irritated about my birthday. I'm just a few more than single-digit days away from being 30. We had plans. We were going to drive about an hour, eat at a restaurant I really like, and shop. But we get an invitation to a party for family friends' of Nathan's 50th Wedding anniversary party on my birthday. (I know it's confusing, but I tried several times to phrase it better. Read it again if you need to.) No big deal. It's in the same town as my restaurant. What luck! We can shop earlier on, stop by the party, eat at my restaurant, drive home for some birthday alone time...We still had a great plan. I wasn't even thinking. They are family friends. We live between the family and the friends. So now we are having company (Nate's mom and boyfriend, Nate's brother, and wife). Going to the party together. Overnight guests.

I know I sound incredibly selfish. I guess I am. 30 is a big day. I was dreading it for a while, but then I decided to embrace it. A celebration of who I am and who I want to be. Sure, we can celebrate my birthday the next weekend, but then I'll be 30 and 7 days. I feel like we share big holidays with the families. And 5 times out of 7, birthdays and anniversaries and Valentine's Day falls during the week. I know nothing will change, I don't want to make a scene and change things, but I'm unhappy. I want my birthday! On my birthday!

I do sound really selfish, don't I?

i used to say, "the more tragic, the better"

I don't always read footnotes. Sometimes they are uninteresting, but sometimes they really add to what I'm reading. And sometimes I don't really care where the information came from. But when the information isn't available is when I miss it.

I am an avid reader of Oprah's magazine. As discussed in a previous post, her show makes me want to eat for unknown reasons, but I love the magazine. In this month's, she has a little blurb from some guy names Chris Hedges in the Million Ways to Save the World section (page 79 for anyone interested). He talks about faith and how any faith that involves a loving God cannot encourage or support violence. Cool. But the he says this:

Finally, remember that Jesus taught us there are two ways to be rich: We can amass wealth or have few needs. Defy the consumer culture. Live simply.

I would like to have specific instances in the Bible to support this, but I totally buy it (buy it! ha!) and I believe that I have been feeling the tug to begin to live my life more in this manner. I have realized that our house is just too big for the two of us. Heck, we can have 4 houseguests and not even know they are here. We have accumulated so much stuff over the 2 years we have been in this ginormous house. And it's starting to feel like a weight to me. Live simply, Krissie.

I just finished reading Branded, and I feel guilty for buying anything at anywhere other than a thrift store. (But do you ever see plus sized clothing in a thrift store? Seriously.) Now I'm reading Nickel and Dimed and feel an even greater tug to use what I have more wisely. I have never had to call agencies and try to find where my next meal would come from. I have never had to scrub someone's floor. Especially not when they were watching me.

So I have too much stuff. I have books that I haven't opened in 10+ years. I probably have 25 purses, and shoes that I never wear, and boxes of clothes (that have tags and are multiple sizes too small), and 2 sewing machines, and boxes of who-knows-what. And, what do I plan to do about this? I purge. (Stuff, not food.)

That's right. I'm getting rid of my crap. It feels like shedding something. Like getting rid of the stuff will somehow help me get rid of all the weight (figuratively and literally) that I carry around with me all day. How can I expect my head and my body to make sense when I have closet doors that I don't want to open. My house and my stuff are in someway a representation of the me I am: clean and organized upon first look, but a mess once you start opening up the closet doors and looking in the corners.

So my plan:

• I am upping the anty on the contest. Not only will the 5 lucky winners (and right now only 5 contestants!) receive a "Kick off the Covers" cd of my own creation, but 2 bonus items. I'm not talking crappy stuff that no one wants. Things like books related to diet/food, maybe a nice handbag (I love Vera Bradley!), my mom makes her own candles and I have a ton of them, picture frames with my photography, things like that. Personal stuff. The stuff I would be putting in your gift boxes are the things that I am reluctant to part with, the things that I want to go to people who know me. And the fact that you read my blog shows that you know me. It's not too late to register! Respond to this post!

• I am starting the Core Plan with Weight Watchers when I get back from Kansas. That may sound like an excuse, but it is a plan. I will continue writing down what I eat and exercising every day until the trip. I do well enough making point-friendly choices on vacation, I think trying Core would push me over the edge and cause me to throw up my arms in defeat.

• I will clean out a closet a week until the move. I will leave no stone unturned, no box unopened. I have the goal of gifting/donating/throwing away 2/3 of my current belongings. If I haven't used it in a year, it's gone. (Goodbye masses of Clinique free gift makeup bags!)

Thank you for listening and good night.

(Footnote: Nathan thought this post should be titled, "This town needs an enema!" I initially agreed. But, upon further consideration, I thought that it was obnoxious in big letters. I also didn't like the departure from song lyrics to movie lines. I mean, if I was doing movie quotes, every title would have something to do with brake pads or turning into toads. Nathan then suggested the song for the title, and it was successful. He was also very gassy during the entire conversation.)

on the way up, I felt clean

Wow. I miss one day and I feel like I have so much to say!

I'll start with the weigh in. I lost a pound! I am so excited! That is my goal, to lose one pound a week. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but that's 52 pounds in a year. I'll take that! And that puts me at 5.2 lost so I can get my pedicure this week! That makes me so excited. I'm also going to get my hair cut. Very exciting.



This has been an exhausting weekend. I feel like I need a day to recover. See, Nathan's brother is getting married next Saturday, and the wedding is close to our house. So we're having guests (family and the minister) stay with us for the extended weekend. We spent this weekend cleaning. Really cleaning. I've been scrubbing floors all day. But that's not the most exciting transformations.




When we bought our house, we had a lot of work to do. Mostly the floors. We refinished most of the hardwood floors (sanding and stuff), but the back bedroom was just trouble for us. We sanded and nothing happened. After staring at it for months, we decided to paint the floors. I could not be more pleased with the way they turned out. (And, as always, Farley is in the before picture.)

We also have this set of closet doors in our tv room that were boring white. When we painted the nightstands, we had a lot of paint left over. And the paint is almost the exact color of our couches. So we painted the closet doors this weekend too.

Okay, and here I go being honest again. I think that part of the reason I have kept myself so busy is avoidance. I found out last week that my grandfather has cancer. They found it during a check-up and it has taken a week or so to schedule surgery. So on Thursday night, I will head back to Greenup to be home for his surgery on Friday morning. The doctors have told my mom and Mamaw that Papaw is otherwise in pretty good health and that it would be silly to speculate on how much or how advanced the cancer is.

And my boss is giving me crap about taking Friday off. I try to keep my personal life at home, you know, and I really didn't want to tell him what's going on. We have enough conflict right now that I don't need him treating me differently because my grandfather is sick. Oh well. Please keep my Papaw in your prayers.

And I'm worried about how I'm going to pull my part in the wedding this weekend. I had planned on being such a big help...helping decorate, helping cook at the rehearsal dinner, making cheesecake for the rehearsal dinner...and now I'm just hoping that I can make it to the rehearsal dinner. I know that everyone involved understands, but I just don't want to be a downer on such a special day. I mean, what if the news is really bad with Papaw? Will I just stay at home? Can I handle bad news without Nathan? I mean, it's his brother's wedding and he has duties as the best man. My brain is just going a hundred miles a minute. And that's why I got so much pleasure out of scrubbing floors today...that occupied my mind.

So I'm off to take a bath and call it a night. I'm exhausted from all the work we've done. And from thinking.

Food plan for tomorrow:
breakfast - starbucks and banana
lunch - South Beach Sesame chicken wraps
dinner - some meat and vegetable combo on the grill (TBA)

Thanks for listening. Have a great night!

maybe I'm just too demanding...

Big thanks to Aimee for letting me interview her. She did an amazing job answering the questions with honesty and candidness. Check it out here.

Thanks for chanting with me yesterday, but it didn't work. I am sick. Nothing major. Sore throat. Full of snot. I just hope that snot doesn't weigh a lot. I need low numbers for the weigh in tomorrow morning. I feel like chanting, "Low numers! Low numbers!" like I used to chant "No whammy! No whammy!" along with the old game show Press Your Luck. I guess I'm just in the chanting mood. (You know you remember the Whammy!)

I've eaten pretty well today, despite not feeling well. Typical breakfast, South Beach Cranberry Chicken Salad for lunch, 2 pieces of pineapple pizza and some wonton soup for dinner. And 2 mini york peppermint patties. Those things are gonna be the death of me. I don't know why I bought a new bag today.

So today I got home early (gotta love Fridays!) and had time to watch My Wife and Kids. I typically love that show and don't get home in time to watch it most days. Today, I got a really bad taste from the episode called Thru Thick and Thin. Jay had put on a few pounds (which was actually just some padding around her butt inside her sweatpants) and Michael was really on her to lose the weight, saying things like, "I don't know what happened to my wife. She left with a body of J. Lo and came back with a body like Jello." All because she had some more weight on her butt . This led to a "nightmare" of the entire family being obese, shoving huge pancakes in their mouths, fighting over an insane amount of bacon, breathing very heavily when still, and poor Katie being so fat she had to roll into the dining room instead of walk. I was just appalled at the way they were so stereotypical of fat people. I had always admired Tisha Campbell for always looking sexy and never appearing ashamed of her small breasts and curves. And then she mocks, in essence, me. I was very disappointed. And a little ashamed.

So we'll be back in our hometown this weekend, so I may not post again for a few days. I will let you know about the weigh-in ASAP. Have a great weekend!

who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Nothing noteworthy today. Eating was terrible. I had McDonald's twice. Twice. I had the Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad. Quite possibly the best salad I've ever had (6 points for salad and 3 for dressing). Then I found myself running errands from work, with my windows down, and thought it was a great day for ice cream. So I returned to McD's for a yogurt cone (3 points). I don't think I've been there more than twice in the last two years, and I return twice in one day. I hang my head in shame.

I also hang my head as the result of eating a piece of pizza, a chili dog, half a scoop of strawberry cheesecake ice cream, and 2 mini york peppermint patties. You know, at least I am honest. And I only have like 3 flex points to use before my weigh in on Saturday morning. But I am counting!

I realize that I am about to go into absolute 100% crazy Krissie rant mode. I recognize this, I accept it, and I proceed anyway.

Disclaimer: I love my new car. It is beautiful and roomy and everything works and nothing leaks and it doesn't drag the ground when I pull into my driveway and it is everything that the Krissie of today wants in a car.

But I haven't always been the Krissie that I am today.

I started out with this car. Exactly. A black Plymouth Laser. Man, could this thing fly. It was quick and I always felt that my car was sexy. Maybe climbing in and out of the backseat felt like navigating though the womb, but I was typically the driver, so it didn't matter. It didn't matter that the hatchback leaked and there was always standing water in the trunk. It was my baby. And I drove the laser until she met an unexpected demise, as the transmission went ka-put and we sold her mostly for parts.

Then there was this amazing car. Red looked just like this Celica. I loved Red. She became my dearest friend during my freshman year in college. I had to beg and beg and beg for her. It worked. I always felt cute in this car. She, again, did not have the most comfortable backseat, but I loved her. She also went pretty stinking fast, but the steering wheel shook between 45 and 60 mph, and the radio sometimes went out during those speeds. Oh, and one year on Easter, we broke the trunk and it took very skilled hands to coax it closed. She went to about 180,000 miles. I gave her up when I purchased my first car with my own money.

Enter The Avenger. Now, mine is white and has really blacked out windows (check this earlier post for a current picture), but I thought it was more important to show how the Avenger looked in her prime. I wanted a car like this when it was new, and I purchased one 5 years later. I love the Avenger. She is still sitting in my driveway. The kids at work always think I have the coolest car, with the sunroof and the dark windows. I always felt like a bad-ass in the Avenger. Like people expected a sexy person to drive my car (or a punk kid). I felt like it surprised people to see someone like me get out of such a sporty, spunky, sexy car. Maybe I was delusional, I don't know. But I felt my car said a lot about who I was on the inside. So I guess it also said something about my inside that the sunroof leaks, the trunk leaks, the front is duct-taped together and it is generally unreliable.

So there's my progression. Wild, fast, carefree Laser. Cute, don't-mess-with-me Celica. Sexy, spunky, bad-assed Avenger.

And now I drive a Nissan Altima. With 4 doors. No sunroof. No tinted windows. With windshield wipers that work, a cargo net in the trunk, and so much space that I cannot reach my purse when it is in the backseat. With woodgrain interior, keyless entry, a place for my sunglasses, two cup holders, and radio controls in the steering wheel. A very practical car. A car that one can drive comfortably for long distances with more than 2 people in the car. A family car.

An adult car.

That's what this is about. Being an adult. I love my life. I love my car. I just haven't totally adjusted to the idea that I am an adult. I'll be 30 this year. And my car supports that fact.

And I'm just not ready.

remember to always think twice

I don't know if you all get emails from Hungry Girl every day, but I do. And I love them. If you don't, subscribe. And tell her I sent you. I might just win something!

Anyway, today's email included a link to this site. (Beware - if fast food pics are a trigger for you, only visit here when full.) The link is pictures of fast food, comparing what it looks like in the ads versus what it really looks like when you get it home. It was eye-opening for me. The only thing that looks similar is the Subway sandwich. I am particurarly saddened by the picture of the Taco Bell Nachos Bell Grande. That is the item that would tempt me the most of those mentioned, and Taco Bell is the hardest place for me to avoid in general. Anyway, the real-life pics looks NOTHING like the advertisement. The reality in comparision to the dream might be enough to keep me out of Taco Bell.

The Wendy's Southwest Taco Salad looks pretty accurate, but I HATE when the chili liquid settles though the lettuce. I'll just take a small chili and a side salad, thank you very much. And I especially liked the ad picture of McD's Sausage McMuffin. It's like it's descended from heaven with the glorious light behind it. I laughed out loud. But I never liked their eggs anyway.

While reading Annie's intitial blog, she made me see that I am one of those people who refuse to hide behind my fat, or the fact that I am a woman. We saw that last week with the mechanic. But I refuse to take crap. And I turn into a very sweet, condescending woman when someone is trying to short-stick me.

Example that is realted to the Hungry Girl pics. It's been like 3 years ago. Subway introduced a new line of salads. I am usually satisfied with lettuce, but I LOVE spinach. So they run all these ads, and the new Garden Veggie salad looks wonderful...spinach, vegetables, honey mustard. I am pumped. I was new to my town and I make my maiden voyage to the local Subway. I order the salad. My salad artist fills the bowl with lettuce.

Me:Ma'am, the picture up there (I point to menu board) shows the salad with a bed of spinach. That's what I want.

Subway Artist: (puts about six pieces of spinach on top of the lettuce)What else would you like?

Me: I would like my vegetables to be put on a bed of spinach, please. No lettuce. Like the picture.

Subway Artist: The Garden Veggie Salad is lettuce. The Grilled Chicken Salad is on a bed of spinach. I can make you the Grilled Chicken Salad without the chicken.

Me: (internal dialogue: I will not pay two extra dollars for chicken salad without chicken!) Ma'am, the picture shows the salad on a bed of spinach and that is what I would like.

Subway Artist: That is not the way the salad is made.

Me: Then I would like cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, honey mustard. On my bed of lettuce.

I move down the line and proceed to start another (calm but condescending) arguement with the cashier that results in me refusing to pay for or take my salad. It took me over 2 years to return to any Subway. It was false advertising! There's a new one in our Super Wal-Mart, and that's the one I go to now.

I won't even tell the video store story. I'm boycotting Title Wave also. (Isn't that a stupid name for a video store?)

Me? Stubborn? Never!

I just got an email that my interview questions from FatBridesmaid are ready! Look forward to getting to know me even better!!

i want a party with rooms full of laughter...

See my nice, clean, organized closet? Notice anything? How about short sleeves? I got my wonderful new wardrobe from Old Navy, and it's hanging there. It was so warm for a week...about 2 weeks ago. And now it's been cold, windy, and mostly rainy for too long! It's spring! Old Man Winter is a turd burglar. I want spring! I want it now! And if I don't get the things I am after, I'm going to scream! (By the way, the ever photogenic Farley snuck into the closet while I was taking the picture, but you can't see him. You can see the foot of my old teddy bear. I didn't know where else to put him. He likes to hide there.)

But it's okay. I wore a new shirt with sweatshirt today. I made it work.

So tomorrow is the big Weigh Day. I didn't do as well as I wanted last week, so I'm hoping this week will be better. While cleaning out our office, I came across my old Weight Watcher journals from 2003-2004. I lost a lot of weight. And then I plateaued for 9 months. 9 MONTHS. No wonder I quit going. There were variations of 2-3 pounds, but my weight was the same in December to September. You would have thought I would have been happy to maintain, but I was still 35 pounds from my goal, from what put me in the normal BMI range. It was nice to have my old journals, to see all the work I put in. I know I have said before that the key to weight loss for me is exercising, and now I have the proof in my own handwriting. The weeks I had big losses were the weeks that I exercised long and hard. I think Nate is going to try to fix our elliptical machine so that I can exercise at home. It has a loud squeak...a rub actually...that I cannot stand it. So I may be able to exercise at home again. That will make a difference.

So on an effort scale this week, I'd say I was at a 5 out of 10. Eating wise, I was pretty stinking good, like 8.5 of 10. I wrote down every bite I took, the good, the bad and the ugly. I didn't use all my weekly reserve points, and even cut back a few days to make up for prior days. I feel really good about how I ate. Exercise was almost nonexistant, pretty much a 1. I know I need to exercise. Exercise is the only way I will meet my goals. And, more importantly, it's the way that I will keep my weight when I get it where I want it. My goal for next week: keep up the eating right, and exercise every day. I've just got to get started. I know, like eating, exercise will be easier when it's a habit. It's starting up again that's going to be hard.

I was reading Pasta Queen's blog this morning, and she talks about binging. Do I binge? Would I call what I do binging? I thought a lot about that today. I even consulted my therapist books. I have decided that at times, especially on days that I'm home at 4 and have the television on, I can get wrapped up in a cycle that has something in common with binges. I can eat a few bowls of cereal and maybe a cheese sandwich. It's the complusion to eat that comes from no where. No, it actually comes from boredom. But I eat quickly, refilling at commercials, and would be mortified if someone saw me. I feel somewhat guilty afterwards, but then I think that it was cereal, milk, cheese, and bread. Seriously. What harm is done there? I can think of only 2 or 3 occassions when this happened, but I really don't like it. So when I am home during Oprah and Dr Phil now, I just don't watch tv. It's that simple. I just find something else to do. Today I put away clothes and straightened up my closet. I do not think I binge because I do not premeditate the binge at all, nor do I feel terrible after, nor is it uncontrollable. I am controlling it because I avoid the situation. You know, I have some of the same feelings when I watch Oprah at night, but I won't hoard and eat, primarily because Nathan is home and he would notice. I didn't know I had issues with Oprah. I'm gonna have to think that one through.

I keep reading blogs that have educational value. Blogs that actually give inspiration and review articles and really tell you how to lose weight. I guess I'm just a narcissist. I only hope I'm an entertaining narcissist. Like Garfield.

So send me skinny vibes for my date with the scale in the morning. Then I'm going to get the free gift at the Clinique counter at Macy's (I LOVE free gifts) and then we may test drive a few cars. We'll see what the weather is like. Stupid winter.

precious, you are

Yay shoes! Well, kinda. They were on the porch when I got up this morning. The pair I really wanted didn't fit...so I sold them to Courtney and ordered a smaller size. They should be here tomorrow. But the pink normal crocs are so comfy...especially after the gym. Ahhhh...

Speaking of gym, not a good experience. (Tangent alert.) I really like Mariska Hargitay (the Law and Order SVU lady). I just think she is georgeous, and pulled off the short hair amazingly well, and just had a baby, the list goes on. So she was on the cover of last month's Self magazine that I never bought or read. I walk by the coat cubbies at the gym, and there is the magazine! I get about half way through it, to the article about her, and find that it is ripped out. What kind of heartless person tears the cover story out of a magazine? Even though I am sure there were amazing tidbits of personal growth information in there, I did not read any more of the magazine.

But I had an awesome setlist for my bikeride, thanks to my Alanis Gym Playlist (Not the Doctor, UR, A Man, Everything, You Oughta Know, Unprodigal Daughter, Uninvited, Crazy). Mostly post-angry introspective Alanis. It is good that today is a "rest day" according to my running plan, and I went to the gym anyway. I went because I wanted to go, not because I ate a big bowl of chili and a few bites of Nathan's ice cream at the Fudgery. It's good to feel good.

And, with that, I am going to bed at 9:51 pm to read more of Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis. I am really enjoying it so far. Ephiphanies await!