one eye on the clock

So yesterday didn't go exactly as planned, but it went mostly well.

I stuck to my eating plan through dinner. I didn't go to the gym, but I did walk 2 miles at work, so that evened out. I had really planned on getting Subway at the mall, but I talked Nate into trying P.F.Chang's since he hadn't been there. I had some shrimp and walnuts and honeydew concotion that was awesome. (Then I got my new shoes!) But there was success in the story, as I not only withstood the temptation of the flourless chocolate cake, but also the Godiva chocolate stand and the Starbucks in the mall. Go me!

Current job countdown: 10 days. Today we are taking the kids to the pool. That should get a typical person excited, but I always dread the "Why aren't you swimming?" question from the kids. I want to be honest and say something like, "Haven't you noticed that I'm fat? Yeah, and I have some issues about that and I choose not to get into a bathing suit around the guys I work with. So I'm just going to sit here in my sleeveless top and shorts. That's even a big step for me. So be proud of me for that. And remember to take the swimming test before you go in the deep end!"

We went to a different pool last year, and some people that work in another office were there. Several girls from that office are much larger than me. And they were just hanging around in their suits and chasing the kids they work with and just appeared so free. I found myself getting angry at them for being secure. How messed up is that? That's just not me. I'm doing well to not wear sleeves. That's one thing I tell myself every summer: Next summer, I'll be thin when we take the kids to the pool. But, guess what, I only have 10 more days, 2 more trips to the pool 'cause my new job starts on the 20th!

And the 15th, we leave for Kansas! I am so excited to take Nathan out to my brother's place. I really liked it out there. I haven't been on a plane in forever, and Nathan and I have never flown together, so this is going to be very exciting. Our goal is to get everything we need into carry-ons so we don't have to check anything. I am seriously thinking about just shipping our toiletries to Zak so we don't have to worry about getting that all through. We'll see.

I do have a food plan today, but it's not the best one.

Breakfast:
Egg and cheese sandwich
Starbucks drink

Lunch:
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
baked lays

Dinner:
grilled pork loin (with this really spicy cranberry salsa we bought this weekend)
grilled corn

...unless Nathan has a softball game, then dinner is totally up in the air

I don't know what my problem is. Motivation comes and goes. I must be disciplined. Hmm. I'm not being to successful at that either. Blah!