you see me different

I think I may have found some new resolve. As I responded to Jeannie's blog today, I was reminded of something I read somewhere. (Sorry I can't give the blogger credit...I have no idea where I was, or even when it was.) Jeannie, like many of us, are struggling with motivation. I read that it isn't motivation that makes us successful, it's discipline. I am not disciplined. But when am I disciplined? When I make a plan. I am pretty good at sticking to a plan, I've just become lazy at making them. So tomorrow, Thursday May 31, I have a plan.

• I will actually use the points journal I have carried in my purse but not written in for three weeks.
• I will go to the gym at some point tomorrow. It doesn't matter what I do, just that I go and do something. No more of this "If I can't work out for an hour I won't go at all" stuff. I AM GOING!

Food plan for tomorrow:

Breakfast (6 points):
Banana and Starbucks drink

Lunch (6 points):
South Beach Cranberry Chicken Salad Kit
Lots o' Lettuce

Snack (4 points):
Pudding
Banana

Dinner (9 points):
Subway turkey sandwich with cheese and honey mustard, baked lays

Nathan has softball practice tomorrow evening. If I make the above goals, I will allow myself to go with him and run to the mall and pick up the shoes that I want . I know, you're thinking that I'm rewarding myself after one day. That's not entirely accurate. I had planned on getting them on Saturday, I would just be getting them a day early.

Oh, and I'm working on a contest. I love making mix cds, and am planning on offering one here soon! I'll keep you updated.

Have a great night!

if I could shimmy like my Sister Kate

Welcome back to Kentucky for me!

We had a great weekend! We didn't get the house, but that is really okay. It sold for way above what we were wanting to pay, especially considering our current house isn't even up for sale yet. We left with a very good feeling about it, even though several other young couples were also there and appeared more disappointed. The search will continue!

A little bit of a downer: I think our next door neighbor is putting her house up for sale as well. There are just a lot of beautification activities going on around the exterior of the house. With their recent family circumstances, a sale is a good assumption. So the house right next door, which is almost exactly our house, will be for sale at the same time as ours. Big groan.

But that will take care of itself. More descriptions of the weekend. And my need to be accountable about how I totally stuffed my face all weekend.
















After the auction, we stopped at Panera where I had a points-ghastly IC Mocha and a bagel. We needed the sustenance for our 4.5 hour car trip. We drove through a lot of Kentucky into the mountains of Tennessee to visit Nate's brother and our new Sister-In-Law, Kim. We stopped at a scenic overlook in Bean Station, Tennessee, partially to take in the sights and partially to switch drivers. We got a nice shot of the mountains behind our big melons.
















We got to their apartment and hung out for a while. We ended up eating at a restaurant called Cootie Brown's. It was amazing food in a really cool atmosphere without a high price. I had a tuna steak and some roasted sweet potatoes. Then we split a slice of Key Lime Pie. It was awesome. Then it was back to the apartment for many rounds of Apples to Apples. Highly recommended. We laughed a lot.
















Sunday was Asheville! It only took us about an hour to get there. Oh, but we stopped at Pal's where I had a sausage bisuit and some cheddar hash rounds. I hate to say this, but I love grease. Oh well. We drove into Asheville and walked around town. We spent the most time in our favorite bookstore, Malaprop's. (We barely missed Blanche!) I bought some cool art at Woolworth's and Kim found a violin made of cigar boxes. She played some pretty music. If she would have taken it out on the street, she could have earned us some lunch money.

Ah, lunch. Salsa's is one of our favorite spots. Nate had a Cuban pork empanada and I had some lamb-goat cheese-avacado-sundried tomato empanada. The best meal I've had in a long time. And less than $20 including tip for the two of us. Yummy.

We got really bummed that our usual coffee bus was closed, but we found a really cool new place, the Dripolator Coffee House. Mine was actually too sweet and I didn't finish it (gasp!). I did, however, have a piece of thawed wedding cake to go along with our additional rounds of the apple game once we got back to the apartment.

Today was just a traveling day. Driving for 5ish hours. With a stop at Burger King, WalMart to get fabric to recreate some aprons I saw at Dulce Vida, and then pineapple pizza when we got home. So it's close to bedtime for me.

Maybe I hope that seeing my terrible habits in print will somehow motivate me. That's what I need to happen. We'll see.

knowing you can always count on me

Today has been a great day! Our friends came down and we had a lovely dinner (pork roast, corn on the cob and a big salad). I love the grill and the absence of any real kitchen clean up. We had to get ice cream at the Fudgery, where we took a really cool self portrait with the camera perched on top of one of their coffee machines.

I'd love to stay and chat, but we have to get packed! I can't wait to post lots of pics from our Tennessee/North Carolina trip and maybe a picture of our new house. Say a little prayer around 11 EST tomorrow. I really don't know how things will turn out, and I keep hoping that I will be okay whether we get the house or not. I keep hoping. But Jeannie posted pics of her new bicycle yesterday, and that got me excited about Nate and I being able to buy bikes and ride them around downtown in our new city, if we get this house. Sigh. I just hope I am able to be content if we don't get it, and that I don't get incredibly anxious about selling our current house if we do.

But, as I said, I cannot stay and chat. I have packing to do.

Have a great holiday weekend! (If you celebrate Memorial Day!)

I told you I was trouble...

Last night, Nathan and I went to a fundraiser with my new company at The Movie Tavern. We saw Spiderman 3. I really liked the movie, and the food was nice too. I had the Diablo Chicken Sandwich. Blackened chicken breast, hot sauce, lettuce, onion, tomato. I ate about half of the french fries. And I successfully avoided dessert. Very nice.

Today was full of hard work. We planted a few lilies and finished putting the rocks (that we're using like mulch) down in the flower beds. Rocks are a lot of work! And then we straightened up the house. I've snacked on a few mini York peppermint patties, but nothing like I ate the last two weeks.


We have a very exciting weekend ahead of us.


It starts tomorrow night with people coming over to our house. We attended the same small group for several years, originally tied to a church we used to go to, but then everyone went to different churches but still kept meeting for Bible study. It's been almost a year since we've seen the gang, and they're all coming here tomorrow night! We're going to grill and chat. It'll be a great time. We'll miss the Feeback's!! Here's an old picture of the gang from 2004:

Then Saturday morning, we're bidding on the house we will hopefully be able to purchase for a reasonable price. Keep us and the house in your prayers! I don't want to do something irresponsible or stupid.

After the auction, we're heading to Blountville, Tennessee, to take Nate's brother and new wife all kinds of wedding gifts that they left at our house. We're taking them to our favorite city ever on Sunday (We LOVE Asheville, North Carolina!). I can't wait to go to Malaprop's, and the City Cafe, and the Double Decker Bus coffee house, and maybe even Table. I am so excited! We'll be staying with Luke and Kim, but if you ever find yourself in Asheville, I highly recommend our favorite bed and breakfast ever, the Crooked Oak Mountain Inn.

So all this excitement means no weigh-in this weekend. But I am doing better. I feel better and more motivated, even without the scale. I've got the running bug again. I hope I can get started next week!

you held your breath and the door for me

Yesterday was a much better day. I am really taking this "I choose me" thing yesterday to heart. Not when I find a new house. Not when I sell my current house. Not when I decide to run again. I choose today. I choose me.

Eating was much better yesterday. I didn't count, but it was better. I had my usual Starbucks drink for breakfast. Around noon, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Around 3, I had a turkey sub from subway. Then for dinner I had a smoked sausage on a wheat bun and an ear of corn. Then an ice cream cone. No snacking between meals, no cramming as many triscuits into my mouth as possible during American Idol, just responsible controlled eating. Go me!!

Things are progressing well with the potential to purchase a house at auction on Saturday. We have the financial okay from our lender, and we are getting the landscaping done on our current house in order to put it up for sale. This is all very exciting.

Last night, I finished the book I was working on, Fat Girl by Judith Moore. I hate to say that I wasn't impressed. It just made me feel like crap. Moore discusses the reasons and complications of being fat as a child. I really had to make myself finish it. She had a terrible childhood. Abandoned by her father, living with her crazy abusive mother, dealing with the grandmother anyone would despise, and being on an almost constant diet from early childhood. I can imagine how a terrible childhood where eating was so strongly discouraged and so much of self-worth was put on weight could destroy any hope of healthy eating habits. I guess I'm saying that she has an excuse. She lived through so much crap related to being fat. She has an excuse to have issues with food.

And where does that leave me? No reason for food issues. I had an amazing childhood. I was competitive for academics and attention, but no more than other children are competitive. I have an amazing family. I had great friends from elementary school through graduate school. I have never gotten any outside influence to tell me that I am any less of a person because I am fat. Any message I have like that has come from inside me.

I believe that my food issues are about sin. I am seeing that through reading Sex God by Rob Bell. I'm not that far into it (I'm not feeling "heavy" reading right now), but in the opening chapter, he talks about how any relationship, to person or thing, is a reflection of my relationship with God. No matter what my issue, no matter what I think it is about, it is really about me and God. My relationship with my health? I am gluttonous and lazy. And the result of that is insecurity and a feeling of being unworthy of love, from God, myself, or anyone else. I am still having trouble giving that up. I want to fis it on my own. I want control. Strange that I feel out of control...

Thinking back, there have been times that I felt in control of my eating and my weight. The first time I can remember was my senior year in high school. I think it was at that point in my life that I realized that there was food that tasted good and was good for me. For lunch most days my senior year (unless there were Taco Boats), I brought a turkey sandwich, a banana, and s vanilla pudding snack pack. One of my friends would get an extra 2% milk as she went through line, and I was set. I loved my lunch. I never felt deprived or cheated.

College created so many healthy challenges for me. One of the biggest was the cafeteria. I didn't gain much more than the freshman 15, but that's because of all the hills I climbed walking to class. I never binged in the cafeteria, but there were some nights that my roommate and I would finish off a bag of Frito's Scoops and a can of cheese during some sappy movie that the roomie made us watch. My junior year of college, things changed for me. I was finally starting to get over a break-up that happened a year earlier (hi Tony!), and the way I got over that was exercise. The roomie and I would walk on the treadmill every day to watch a Wedding Story. (It's amazing what love-starved girls will do to get to verbally abuse the weddings of others.) Some days, I would go to the park and run. And most days I worked out in the weight room between classes, when no one else was there. I loved it. I loved the feeling of being in control of my body and my eating. I controlled my eating a month at a time. One month I gave up Taco Bell. The next month, I added french fries to the list. The next month I added all fried foods, then white bread then elevators. (Not really food, but it helped.) When Nathan and I started dating, I was 170. That is the lowest in my adult life. And I looked great.

How did I get from here to there? I don't know. Four years later, I went to Weight Watchers at 221. A year (and a wedding!) later, I was at 175. Somehow, three years later, I was 226 and back at Weight Watchers. 6 weeks later, I am here, and 224.

Wow. I posted my weight. That is huge. (Not the number, but the fact that I said it. Oh wait, yes, the number is also huge.)

Food plan:
B: Starbucks
L: Turkey sandwich, banana, vanilla pudding
D: something not fried at the Movie Tavern

Have a great Wednesday. And will someone send me the highlights from tonight's American Idol?

mine's an ordinary life

you're the one that I wanted to find

Yesterday was a busy day!

It started with weigh-in. Not good. I was up 2.6. All in all, that's two weeks without counting a single bite. And the night before, I ate a philly cheese grinder and had a little to drink at Kent's. I was actually just proud that I hadn't gained back all of my loss. So when I lose the 2.4 I need to bring me back to 5 pounds, do I get another pedicure?

After the meeting, we drove around looking at houses in the city my new job is in. We got very disheartened. It's so upsetting that moving 35 miles away makes such a ridiculous difference in real estate prices. For a house half the size of ours, it's double the price. I don't know what we're going to do. We found a house that's up for auction on Saturday, so we're thinking about seeing if that's a possibility. But we don't know. Isn't it cute, though?




Yesterday was also the day of magazines. New Runner's World, new Oprah, new Rachael Ray and I even gave in and bought People (I think) 'cause of the ladies that lost 100 pounds. It was very inspiring. Especially to see that it took them 2 years. It made me realize that slow and steady is the way to succeed. I'm just impatient!

But I know that the way I succeed is to plan. So here is my plan. Or my rough plan. We need to go to the store.

B: Oatmeal with nuts and fruit
L: Turkey Sandwich and Triscuits
D: Some meat and a vegetable from the grill

I could hold you forever...

Happy happy Friday!

I am going back to Weight Watchers in the morning. I am nervous and excited. I am starting over. Groan. But at least I'm going back.

I have a confession...I feel like I should join some anonymous group...I love bags. Bags of all shapes and sizes, all colors and patterns, I love bags. Today, I ordered 2.






Rachael Ray's email (I say that like we're best buds) led me to Fisheddy.com where I made these two lovely purchases for slightly over $10. I can't wait to get them! She also directed me to some incredibly cute office supplies that I need for my new job, but I'll wait and see what color my office is. I hope they don't put me in the red office where I did my writing sample. It'll be okay, I'll just put up a lot of pictures. And get black and white office supplies.

I am such a nerd.

We're getting ready to head to Lexington for the night. We're going to eat dinner, drive around and look at houses, and stay with Kent. Hopefully tomorrow we'll get to look at a few houses. I'll keep you updated.

Oh! I can't believe I almost didn't respond to Grey's. What the skank happened! I told them not to mess with Christina and Burke. Is he really gone? Gone gone? And the craziness with Callie getting what Bailey deserved, and the other Dr Grey being the lady that hit on McDreamy? I had seriously almost given up on the show, but the finale will have me on pins and needles until fall. It's going to be a long summer. But with all the excitement of the job and the move, maybe it will go quickly!

And I realized today that I made a huge mistake. (Well, huge in reality tv terms.) I bought tickets for a dinner and movie fundraiser with my new company. It's a showing of Spiderman 3 at a movie tavern where you can eat while the movie is playing. I was totally thrilled about it, not to mention getting to spend some time with folks I'll be working with, but I got the tickets in the mail today and realized that the movie is next Wednesday, as is the American Idol finale. After last year's McPhee/Meatloaf debacle, I'm not sure I'll miss all that much, but I can't believe I'll miss all the drama. And I don't have TiVo, and recording a fuzzy picture (thank you bunny-ear antenna!) would be ridiculous anyway. Oh well. All I know is Go Blake Go!

you'd painted flowers on

I can't think of anything in recent memory that has felt better than this:

In accordance with personnel policy VI:A, I am submitting four-week notice of my intention to leave my current position with the Children’s Program.I will complete my employment four weeks from today, at the close of business on Thursday, June 14, 2007.

Yay resignation letter to be turned in tomorrow!

Tonight has been a skank of a night for reality tv. ANTM. Jaslene? Seriously? Renee was old? Whatever. I cannot believe that Melinda is gone. I am the biggest Blake fan out there, but I really thought it would be Melinda and one of the young ones. Wow. It's gonna be an awesome finale.

I scared an old man at the convenient store yesterday. I went in to get my usual Starbucks drink only to discover that they are now carrying a larger size. Like a double-sized drink. With a groan, I said out loud, "Bad News Bears." The man gave me a strange look and walked away. Surely you all catch my reference.

I stepped on the scale at work today. Supposedly I have gained back all 5 of the pounds I lost in 10 days. I'm really hoping it's wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's right.

So my list of things to do is huge. So much floating around in my head. New job, finding a house, yard sales, weddings...And, strangely enough, all I want to do is run. Literally. Put on my green running shoes and go.

Maybe I'll give that another shot tomorrow...before Grey's Anatomy!

would you kiss me if I was leaving...

I got a new job! I got a new job! I got a new job! (Can you tell I'm excited?) The boss is going to call me tomorrow to present the "package," but I think we will be able to make it work. I am thrilled. I plan on turning in my notice at the end of the week. That means Nathan and I will be moving back to Lexington (at least that's the plan for today) so we get to start house hunting! The distance is commutable, so we have the ability to wait until we find something we really like.

Yes, my general absence from blogging is evidence that my eating is totally out of whack. We did have a good dinner - pork roast and sweet potatoes. But I had a glass of Pepsi with it, and then a ice cream bar. But I gave part of my ice cream bar to Nathan, so it could have been worse.

I am going to Weight Watchers on Saturday to find out the damage, and to hopefully get myself back in gear.

Thanks again for all the well wishes about my grandfather. He was released from intensive care today. That's a great thing.

Eating plan for tomorrow? Who knows. I need to get back on.

I'm so lost for you

All in all, the weekend went well.

Papaw's surgery went as well as expected. He'll have to have chemo, but the outlook is good.

The wedding was beautiful. The ceremony was perfect. The reception was a lot of fun. Good times.

All of our guests have returned to their respective homes after we attended brother-in-law's college gradutation today (at the youthful age of 27). Then we came back and took a nap.

We ate dinner, I watched last week's Grey's, and now I'm going back to bed.

I've probably gained back most of the weight I lost. This weekend was incredibly stressful, and I did not take control of my eating. I've had Lofthouse cookies and wedding cake and Pepsi.

I will not feel guilty. I am not beating myself up. I am learning from my mistakes. Tomorrow I will be back on track.

Thank you all so much for the positive thoughts. I'm back!

you're my satellite...

I am exhausted and anxious. Despite those things, I am still hungry.

Last night was a whirlwind. Today I get to work until 6:30 and then drive 3 hours to be with my family during my grandfather's exploratory surgery (they found some cancer last week). Around 4 today, the family-in-law is starting to arrive at my house for brother-in-law's wedding on Saturday. That meant a lot of cleaning. Tomorrow after the surgery I drive 3 hours back for the rehearsal dinner and then wedding weekend has officially began.



Oh yeah, last night was a whirlwind. I needed to be wedding ready. So I got a haircut. I'm a sucker for before and after pics, so this is yesterday:










And this is today. (I colored my hair last night too...just a little lighter).

My toes also looked pathetic so I got a pedicure. Yes, I am aware that the color totally blends in with my toes...my dress is a sort of coral color, so I thought it was important to go neutral.

My house is clean, I'm packed, and I'm nervous. I'm nervous to drive alone, I haven't done it in years. I'm nervous that Papaw will be really sick and I'll have to decide between being with my family and my married-into-family. I'm most afraid taht the news will be bad, and I'll have to deal with it without Nathan.


But, as I press everything down and continue some sense of denial, I will share my epiphany.


I now know why Nathan thinks I'm pretty.


I am an optical illusion.


While taking my "before haircut" picture yesterday, I tried to take it in the mirror. At eye level. I looked terrible. All puffy and neckless and round faced...or just round in general. I was getting pretty upset. But then I decided to take it from arms length. Somehow the camera magically gravitated up and tah-dah! I don't look grotesque in the picture. I look strikingly different if I am photographed from eye level versus above. I have never before been thankful for being short, but I will forever be thankful now.


I'm glad Nathan is tall. I hope the photographer at the wedding is tall as well.


Oh, and the dude I interviewed with last week called last night and said he had some unforseen events, and he wants me to come in for a group interview next week. That is very exciting!


Food choices? I'm not even going to go there.


It'll probably be Sunday night before I post again, but I will keep you all updated.

front foot leads the back one

So I've spent the last few days feeling sorry for myself. I get up early this morning, work on some laundry, and sit down at the computer with my banana and my starbucks drink. I start to read my usual blogs.

Although we don't know each other, from reading your blogs, I feel like we do. This weight loss thing is hard. We can plan and count and exercise, but we all have times when our bodies don't make sense and the stresses of life cause us to go back to our old habits. From reading blogs, I have pulled myself out of my self-pity. I have realized that we are all struggling, and we all need some love.

I am sending thoughts and comments of support to the following folks. I hope you do the same.

I LOVE Jeannie's blog. I understand that sometimes we can eat well but the amounts are unhealthy. And I know what it's like to not want to buy the healthy treats because they are so expensive. I buy them anyway. She ate a frosty and oreos yesterday. Send her some love.

Amuldoon says that a tooth infection will make her eat less. I can understand that. Sometimes I welcome any sickness that takes my hunger and then get depressed when the weight I lost logically comes back. She feels lost lately. Send her some love.

Totegirl at The Pudge Budge (I love that title!) has been in the middle of work celebrations and luncheons. I know how hard it is to turn down social food. No one wants to tote their lunch in a box into a nice luncheon. And some places we go have no real good choices. For me it's about realizing what is in my control, listing my proirities, and making the best decisions I can. Sometimes we hang in there by our fingernails, but the fact that we still post shows that we're hanging in there. Go see her.

Thrilled used to be someone I saw around a lot. She was posting a lot, I saw her comments on a lot of blogs, but not for the last few weeks. I know I don't blog as often when I am embarrassed by my food intake or my lack of exercise. I'm hoping that similar reasons are not the cause of her hiatus. She has a lot of great things to say. Let's get her back! Send her some comments!

FatBridesmaid is cooking full-time. She gets turned off by food being around it all day. I don't think that would happen to me. I worry that with her incredibly hectic schedule, she'll let her health fall away. She wants to look amazing in that black bridesmaid's dress! Show her some love.

Annie is someone else that we haven't seen around for a while. I love learning about Austrailia from her. She posts strange Aussie slang like "Avagudeweegend!" I need to know what that means! I'm also starting a campaign to get her back. Let's commment like crazy!

So was this a good diversion from hearing about me? It was a nice break from writing about me.

I know how much I need the support from others, and these are some of the people I look to. We all need support. I can't imagine how I would be doing this without my husband and the inspiration that comes from other bloggers. Thank you so much for sharing your lives with me, and for reading about mine.

i hope that someone gets my message in a bottle

My apologies for not being a good blogger...We're just trying to get ready for the brother-in-laws wedding which is accompanied by many overnight guests here (in 2 days!) and an overnight trip back to the hometown for my grandfather's surgery. Ugh!

My eating has totally gone down the tubes. I have managed, however, to only go food crazy one meal per day. For example, yesterday I had a huge cheeseburger for lunch, so for dinner I had a little pasta and alot of veggies. Today I had a healthy lunch, and pizza for dinner. Sometimes it's about just doing what I can. I knew this week would be crazy, and I've tried my best to prepare. I'm frustrated, and that's a good thing. I want to get back on track. I want to get my life back. But right now, it's cleaning and mentally preparing myself for not knowing how sick my grandfather is. Oh, and did I mention that I loathe my job?

I meant to write about the sermon on Sunday. We had a guest speaker, this guy who runs a ministry for the deaf. He was a great speaker and really involved stresses in the life of our particular church in his sermon. Although his sermon was about loving children, I got stuck on one sentence: God loves who I am today. I forget that sometimes. (I think I blogged about this once before...right after I started...but it still hasn't sunk in.) I tend to put my worth and my love of myself into the future. I will be worthy when I am thin. I will be worthy when I am a mother. I will be worthy when I respond to a dozen blogs a day. I will be worthy when I am in a job where I am respected and appreciated. But I am worthy of love today. God loves the Krissie of today. Nathan loves the Krissie of today. So why can't I love the Krissie of today? I'm going to try. And here's how.

1. I am only going to buy clothes that fit. No more of this "It'll fit someday!" crap. I am worth looking cute today, not just when the number is not embarrassing.
2. I will stop looking at old pictures and beating myself up for gaining the weight back. Guilt and remorse will not cause the pounds to disappear.

That's all I've got for now. I'm just going to follow those guidelines and see what I need to add as I go. Isn't it pathetic that I seriously base my self-worth on my weight? I know I am a great wife, I am really good at my job, I am a good cat-mom, I am somewhat funny, I bathe every day and I wear clean clothes. But somehow walking around with blubber makes me a bad person. That's crap. I'm not going to tell myself that anymore. At least I'm going to make an effort to stop myself.

It's almost time for American Idol. Then I get to wash dishes and straighten up this desk and our house is clean! Nate just got in from several hours of yardwork. I must go greet him.

on the way up, I felt clean

Wow. I miss one day and I feel like I have so much to say!

I'll start with the weigh in. I lost a pound! I am so excited! That is my goal, to lose one pound a week. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but that's 52 pounds in a year. I'll take that! And that puts me at 5.2 lost so I can get my pedicure this week! That makes me so excited. I'm also going to get my hair cut. Very exciting.



This has been an exhausting weekend. I feel like I need a day to recover. See, Nathan's brother is getting married next Saturday, and the wedding is close to our house. So we're having guests (family and the minister) stay with us for the extended weekend. We spent this weekend cleaning. Really cleaning. I've been scrubbing floors all day. But that's not the most exciting transformations.




When we bought our house, we had a lot of work to do. Mostly the floors. We refinished most of the hardwood floors (sanding and stuff), but the back bedroom was just trouble for us. We sanded and nothing happened. After staring at it for months, we decided to paint the floors. I could not be more pleased with the way they turned out. (And, as always, Farley is in the before picture.)

We also have this set of closet doors in our tv room that were boring white. When we painted the nightstands, we had a lot of paint left over. And the paint is almost the exact color of our couches. So we painted the closet doors this weekend too.

Okay, and here I go being honest again. I think that part of the reason I have kept myself so busy is avoidance. I found out last week that my grandfather has cancer. They found it during a check-up and it has taken a week or so to schedule surgery. So on Thursday night, I will head back to Greenup to be home for his surgery on Friday morning. The doctors have told my mom and Mamaw that Papaw is otherwise in pretty good health and that it would be silly to speculate on how much or how advanced the cancer is.

And my boss is giving me crap about taking Friday off. I try to keep my personal life at home, you know, and I really didn't want to tell him what's going on. We have enough conflict right now that I don't need him treating me differently because my grandfather is sick. Oh well. Please keep my Papaw in your prayers.

And I'm worried about how I'm going to pull my part in the wedding this weekend. I had planned on being such a big help...helping decorate, helping cook at the rehearsal dinner, making cheesecake for the rehearsal dinner...and now I'm just hoping that I can make it to the rehearsal dinner. I know that everyone involved understands, but I just don't want to be a downer on such a special day. I mean, what if the news is really bad with Papaw? Will I just stay at home? Can I handle bad news without Nathan? I mean, it's his brother's wedding and he has duties as the best man. My brain is just going a hundred miles a minute. And that's why I got so much pleasure out of scrubbing floors today...that occupied my mind.

So I'm off to take a bath and call it a night. I'm exhausted from all the work we've done. And from thinking.

Food plan for tomorrow:
breakfast - starbucks and banana
lunch - South Beach Sesame chicken wraps
dinner - some meat and vegetable combo on the grill (TBA)

Thanks for listening. Have a great night!

many a mile to go that night

The interview went really well! I am excited on one hand because it seems like an awesome place to work, but kinda down because they already had the position filled. So why did he call me in for an interview? He plans on hiring again in 2-3 months, and he wanted to have me lined up. As disappointed as I was not to walk out with a new job today, that this is what's best. Even though I am ready to move on, I know that Nathan may find a job somewhere else geographically, so it's best for us to keep our options open for now. And that job is a big option for us. We could move back to Lexington (although I'm willing to make the drive if we stay here). All in all, good stuff.

I've had some trouble with the eating today. Did well at breakfast and lunch, but again dinner was a booger. We went to the Fudgery. I did well with a sandwich and a cup of soup. But then the owner brings out rum cake. For free. So I eat a piece. Oh well. Hopefully it didn't sabotage my day too much. Weigh in is tomorrow! I want to lose .8 so I can get my pedicure!

Thanks so much for the acknowledgements of the goal pants! Tonight was still yet another victory. I got a pair of pajama pants from the Mother-In-Law at Christmas that I never wore 'cause I knew they wouldn't fit. Well, just for fun I pulled them out of the drawer and they fit! And they are comfortable! If I can tell this much difference with 4.2 pounds lost, what am I going to do when I've lost 10?

Well, all, it's time for me to go to bed. Gotta get a good nights sleep for the weigh in tomorrow!

May the 4th be with you

My brother, Nick, lives for May the Fourth. He thinks the wish is hilarious. I agree. Just say it out loud, in any Star Wars voice. You'll understand.

Yesterday was good. I stuck to my meal plan all day, until dinner. Another stressful day at work. (Something needs to be done that no one wants to do? Krissie isn't in the office, so we'll send her to do it!) So after work, I didn't want to cook. We went to our other favorite coffee shop hangout, The Hub, where I had an amazing Thai Salad. Mixed greens, chicken, mandaring oranges, chow mein noodles, and a sesame penaut dressing. Very good. Oh, and a fortune cookie!

Grey's Anatomy is going down the tubes, I believe. I do not like the new Addison Show. The Grey's main characters are charming, in part, due to their youth. Seeing "grown ups" act in a similar fashion is just pathetic. I don't think I'll watch. But even the story line with the usual cast is making me want to vomit. George and Izzy? Derrick meeting someone new next week? Meredith's newly-bonded step mommy dying? Making Burke second guess the relationship with Christina? Groan. 2 more episodes. Then I can reevaluate for several months and be excited again in the fall.

And today is very exciting. Yesterday I wore my first pair of "goal pants." I bought these jeans about a year ago, and wore them in public for just the third or so time yesterday. By the time I got home, they were loosey goosey. So today, in honor of my interview, I decided to try on a pair of khakis that I bought just by looking at the tag (very misleading) that I have never worn, only rarely gotten to button. They fit! They fit nicely too. Such a nice boost for my job interview (at 3 for anyone concerned).

I have no idea what my food plan looks like today. It's okay not to plan. I've got too much other stuff going on (like being nervous!) and I'll probably have to make myself eat anyway.

Have a great day! I'll let you know how the interview goes!

set me free, why don't you?

I have reached a new low. It started with last night: I voted for an Amerian Idol for the first time. Then, tonight, I downloaded not one, but THREE, songs by Blake Lewis, my favorite. I hang my head in shame, as I listen to Love Song, You Keep Me Hanging On, and You Give Love a Bad Name over and over. I'm disgusted with myself. But I sure do love my dear Blake!

Today has been a day of ups and downs. I'm feeling somewhat better. Still draining, but I went to work. Work was work. We are all in different stages of the same uber-cold. The kids were punks. Nothing new.

I did apply for a new job today (shhh!). I interview on Friday. I feel pretty good about it. The dude hiring used to be my boss, and in his email response to my resume said, "Girl, give me a call." That makes me feel pretty good about things. But I want to make sure I am interested in the job before I let my current employer know. I feel a little guilty. Just a little.


But then I get home to discover that our lovely cats have used our entire upstairs as their litterbox. As in every room. Someone was obviously sick. Or both of them. Must have been both. Nathan had most of it cleaned up when I got home and he was pretty frustrated. So we went to the Fudgery.


And that's where the evening went awry. I had eaten on schedule today up to that point. But there I had a meatloaf sandwich and a big scoop of chocolate ice cream. I don't have any idea how to count them. I just figure that the combo took the remaining 8 daily points and remaining 15 weekly points. I just gotta be really good for 2 more days...

I have such good intentions, and then I just don't stick with the plan. I do so well until I get home. I think it's because I am so focused at work and I really don't have time to think that I need a snack or that I don't really want to eat what I brought for lunch.

I hope that some of that focused-ness carries over into after-work-hours for the rest of the week. This time next week, we will have all kinds of houseguests before and during Nate's brother's wedding and graduation. So we have a lot of housecleaning to do. We keep a neat house, but we often ignore dusting everywhere and sweeping in rooms that we're not in all that often. And we kinda live in piles. Neat piles, but piles. And those need to disappear. We have a whole week! I just hope the cats don't decide to pull a repeat of today's disaster while we have company...

Wow. Bedtime snuck up on me quickly tonight. So here is my eating plan for tomorrow.

Breakfast (6 points):
Starbucks drink
Banana

Lunch (9 points):
McD's Southwest Chicken Salad and Dressing

Dinner (9 points):
Flat-Out Pizza
Salad and Dressing

Snacks (4):
Popcorn
String Cheese

I am sticking with the plan! I am one with the plan!

only a day away...

Thank you for indulging me with my photographic journal for today.

And here is tomorrow's food plan:

Breakfast (6):
Starbucks
Banana

Lunch (8):
Salad Kit (some turkey with cranberries and raspberry dressing...Louis Rich, maybe?)
6 Cracked Pepper Triscuits

Snack (2):
Fiber 1 Bar/Popcorn

Dinner (8):
Flat-Out Pizza (1 for wrap, 2 for sauce, 4 for cheese)
Salad with Sesame Ginger dressing

Dessert (3):
Chocolate Pumpkin Muffin

Have a great Wednesday!

its how we operate

It's boring being sick and not going to work for 2 days. This is where boredom gets me.

Anatomy of a Sick Day
(just add "and blew my nose and coughed a lot" to each statement)

First, I had breakfast.

Then I got my necessary aids for the day.

So I got out my iPod and started listening to sermons. I am loving the "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" series from Rob Bell's Mars Hill. Scully helped me. (Not the greatest quality...the pic is from my cell phone.)

Then I had lunch. Yum. (I also ate a Fiber 1 bar. The jello just didn't do it for me.)

I took a shower. The shower was disgusting. I often take baths, and Nathan is blind until he puts his contacts in, so its really no one's fault. So the I cleaned the shower.

Then, it was back upstairs where I listened to more sermons on our iPod player-thingy. My ears were getting sore from the headphones.

Then I decided to watch Dr. Phil in our spare room. (Notice bunny ear antenna on tv. Very high tech, we are.)

Then I decided I needed some popcorn to go with Dr. Phil.

Then I decided that Dr. Phil has pretty much joined the rank of other talk shows that sometimes appear to make fun of people. So I decided that I would wash dishes to get ready for dinner. I put in my favorite dish washing playlist, Matt Wertz. I only got through 2 songs, though. Not a lot of dishes.

Nathan came home! Then I fixed dinner. This is a favorite from my childhood. Toast, cheese and egg(beaters). I added some Healthy Choice sausage.

Then I wrote in my WW journal and realized I still have 6 points left for the day. So I made muffins.

And I plan to spend the rest of the day right here:

Watching That 70's Show and American Idol.

Tomorrow I must go back to work. Snot and all.

Oh, and Annie answered her interview questions from me. Check them out here.