i want a party with rooms full of laughter...

See my nice, clean, organized closet? Notice anything? How about short sleeves? I got my wonderful new wardrobe from Old Navy, and it's hanging there. It was so warm for a week...about 2 weeks ago. And now it's been cold, windy, and mostly rainy for too long! It's spring! Old Man Winter is a turd burglar. I want spring! I want it now! And if I don't get the things I am after, I'm going to scream! (By the way, the ever photogenic Farley snuck into the closet while I was taking the picture, but you can't see him. You can see the foot of my old teddy bear. I didn't know where else to put him. He likes to hide there.)

But it's okay. I wore a new shirt with sweatshirt today. I made it work.

So tomorrow is the big Weigh Day. I didn't do as well as I wanted last week, so I'm hoping this week will be better. While cleaning out our office, I came across my old Weight Watcher journals from 2003-2004. I lost a lot of weight. And then I plateaued for 9 months. 9 MONTHS. No wonder I quit going. There were variations of 2-3 pounds, but my weight was the same in December to September. You would have thought I would have been happy to maintain, but I was still 35 pounds from my goal, from what put me in the normal BMI range. It was nice to have my old journals, to see all the work I put in. I know I have said before that the key to weight loss for me is exercising, and now I have the proof in my own handwriting. The weeks I had big losses were the weeks that I exercised long and hard. I think Nate is going to try to fix our elliptical machine so that I can exercise at home. It has a loud squeak...a rub actually...that I cannot stand it. So I may be able to exercise at home again. That will make a difference.

So on an effort scale this week, I'd say I was at a 5 out of 10. Eating wise, I was pretty stinking good, like 8.5 of 10. I wrote down every bite I took, the good, the bad and the ugly. I didn't use all my weekly reserve points, and even cut back a few days to make up for prior days. I feel really good about how I ate. Exercise was almost nonexistant, pretty much a 1. I know I need to exercise. Exercise is the only way I will meet my goals. And, more importantly, it's the way that I will keep my weight when I get it where I want it. My goal for next week: keep up the eating right, and exercise every day. I've just got to get started. I know, like eating, exercise will be easier when it's a habit. It's starting up again that's going to be hard.

I was reading Pasta Queen's blog this morning, and she talks about binging. Do I binge? Would I call what I do binging? I thought a lot about that today. I even consulted my therapist books. I have decided that at times, especially on days that I'm home at 4 and have the television on, I can get wrapped up in a cycle that has something in common with binges. I can eat a few bowls of cereal and maybe a cheese sandwich. It's the complusion to eat that comes from no where. No, it actually comes from boredom. But I eat quickly, refilling at commercials, and would be mortified if someone saw me. I feel somewhat guilty afterwards, but then I think that it was cereal, milk, cheese, and bread. Seriously. What harm is done there? I can think of only 2 or 3 occassions when this happened, but I really don't like it. So when I am home during Oprah and Dr Phil now, I just don't watch tv. It's that simple. I just find something else to do. Today I put away clothes and straightened up my closet. I do not think I binge because I do not premeditate the binge at all, nor do I feel terrible after, nor is it uncontrollable. I am controlling it because I avoid the situation. You know, I have some of the same feelings when I watch Oprah at night, but I won't hoard and eat, primarily because Nathan is home and he would notice. I didn't know I had issues with Oprah. I'm gonna have to think that one through.

I keep reading blogs that have educational value. Blogs that actually give inspiration and review articles and really tell you how to lose weight. I guess I'm just a narcissist. I only hope I'm an entertaining narcissist. Like Garfield.

So send me skinny vibes for my date with the scale in the morning. Then I'm going to get the free gift at the Clinique counter at Macy's (I LOVE free gifts) and then we may test drive a few cars. We'll see what the weather is like. Stupid winter.