crooked souls trying to stay up straight

I am still not really feeling clarity about what my blog should be - and I am still struggling with an inability to commit to my weight loss/health journey.

But I love my fellow bloggers. And I feel guilty for reading and not producing reading material.

So I decided to go back to a true and trusted friend: iPod Roulette.

Hit shuffle. Admit to the first 10 songs that pop up. Here goes.

1. Shadow Proves the Sunshine - Switchfoot. Such a great song. Second Switchfoot favorite only to Daisy. I always imagined this would be an awesome song to run to. I haven't found out - yet.

2. Wasting Time - Jack Johnson. This song was our introduction to the great Jack (although we were severely disappointed by his latest cd). This song will always remind me of driving along old 12 at the Outer Banks.

3. Steven's Last Night in Town - Ben Folds Five. Such a fun song with the piano and the clarinet and the ringing phone at the end...

4. She's Gone - Hall and Oates. One of the best late-night-driving-with-the-windows-down songs ever. This song will always be one of the many that I associate with high school and the four of us...even though I graduated in 1996.

5. Once Upon a Time - Buscuit Burners. We saw them at Woodsongs a few weeks ago. A strange mix of bluegrass and Middle Eastern. But tons of fun. They are from Asheville. 'Nuff said.

6. Lord, Save Me from Myself - Jon Foreman. Oh my. This (so far) 3 EP set from the lead of Switchfoot is amazing. Such heavy rotation in my car right now. I need to throw myself into an attitude of humbleness and listening, and these cds put me there.

7. Hold You in My Arms - Ray LaMontagne. I would have preferred his cover of Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, but this will do. He is another one of my newer favorites. Good stuff.

8. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson. We are so fragile. Sing it, Ingrid. (My Farley Cat just walked across the computer without touching a single key. I was amazed, so I thought I'd share.)

9. All Along the Watchtower - DMB. Best. Cover. Ever. Any version. If you don't know every word, shame on you.

10. You're Beautiful - Paul Wright. Such a great praise song. It keeps me humble too.

What's your random 10? Please share in the comments. I love finding new music...and being reminded of old random favorites!

daisy, let it go

There are some things going on in my head, but I really don't want to blog about them. Instead, I'll go to my default post. iPod Roulette. The first 10 songs on the shuffle on my iPod. I thought about doing it through iTunes, but there were Christmas songs in the mix. Here you go. (I'm nervous!!)

1. Arms of a Woman - Amos Lee. Amazing song. You need to find it and listen to it now.

2. Many the Miles - Sara Bareilles. I just bought this record from iTunes. I like her. I don't know the song well enough to comment on it yet.

3. Pride (In the Name of Love)- U2. I like this song for a ton of reasons. One of them is because it mentions Nathan's birthday. (Anyone know the date Bono mentions??)

4. One of These Things First - Nick Drake. I remember hearing this song the first time last summer, on our way back from vacation, on our way to drop my brother Zak off at the airport. I miss Zak.

5. All My Tears - Jars of Clay. This band seems to overtake any random playlist. You need to listen to them now as well.

6. Karma Police - Radiohead. Nathan and I have just recently decided that we need to listen to Radiohead. We're working on it. No Surprises is my favorite Radiohead song of the moment.

7. Daisy - Switchfoot. This song is making it's approach into my top 5 songs of all time list. I really just want to close my eyes and sing.

8. Hold You in My Arms - Ray LaMontagne. Another song from Last Kiss (along with #1). I bought the movie 'cause I thought I'd have to like it...Zach Braff, awesome soundtrack, but I really didn't like it at all. The soundtrack, though, would be on my top 10 stranded-on-a-desert-island cd list.

9. Fidelity - Regina Spektor. She's fun. You need to listen to her too.

10. Two Step - Dave Matthews Band. I thought I was going to go through an entire list without any of my obsessions (old-school DMB, Nickelcreek, Matt Wertz). That was close. Two Step is the best live song of any show I've seen. I can close my eyes and see the lights in the beginning. I miss the DMB of 8-10 years ago.

Play along! Hit shuffle on your iPod and put the first 10 in the comments!!

things can go bad, make you want to run away

(I can't get the paragraphs to line up - ignore the ugliness of the layout, please.)

Today is the birthday of my littlest brother, Zak. And, to celebrate, here's a 20 year old picture of him.

Happy Birthday Zak!

Briana asked about what cornhole is. Here you go. If you've never played, order a set and take it to your next outdoor get-together. It's a lot of fun, and not difficult to get the hang of.

I feel like a horrible blogger. I started this blog to keep myself accountable to being healthy. I've fallen way off the wagon. And I don't know what to do to motivate myself. I think I just need to start at the beginning and read my way back through my old posts. I read about you all, and I am so proud of you, but I'm having trouble applying any of your successes to myself. Visit Aimee. Our blogs started around the same time. She's lost over 30 pounds. What about me? I haven't been on a scale for a long time. I'm probably over where I was then. I am so proud of Aimee. I read her blog every day. I'm a huge embarrassing failure. Why would anyone want to read about that?

You know what always makes me feel better, and I haven't done it in a while? IPod Roulette. Hit shuffle and see what the first 10 songs that come up are. I invite you to do the same in the comments. No cheating to get rid of embarrassing songs! Here I go!

1. The Horizon Has Been Defeated - Jack Johnson. Always reminds me of the beach. Ahhh, Jack.

2. Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight - James Taylor. Gotta turn this one up. Such a sad song. He's just so confused. I'm so glad that those crazy unsure romantic days are behind me.

3. Inside Out - Eve 6. I can't believe embarrassment starts already. You know, the "heart in a blender" song. Eve 6 was named after an episode of the X-Files. I can't believe I know that. Hey, this would be a good treadmill song...

4. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson. I love her. This song is from the most recent season of Grey's Anatomy. I also love her song, Far Away. A lot of song titles recently have been from that song.

5. Toxic - Nickelcreek. I promise I didn't cheat! This cover makes me incredibly happy. I can see Chris Thile dancing. Yay!

6. They'll Know We are Christians - Jars of Clay. Redemption Songs is an awesome cd of old hymns. Jars of Clay are amazing live as well.

7. Someone Else's Life - Joshua Radin. There is something so clear and insightful about his voice. I found him from the Last Kiss soundtrack. He's a good background cd, also a good listen for driving at night with the windows down.

8. Green and Gray - Nickelcreek. With 687 songs on my iPod, 2 so far should show how much Nickelcreek I listen to. I really love this song. He loves her and she has no idea. I change the words and sing "iPod" instead of "discman." I do that alot.

9. 24 - Jem. I love Jem as well. We were in Barnes and Noble one night (several years ago) and they were playing her cd and we came home with it. I listened to it for about a month straight then. Still enjoy her. She's great gym music.

10. 5:19 - Matt Wertz. We saw him open for Jars of Clay. He's one of those guy+guitar combos that I just can't pull myself away from. Again, he loves her, she's not sure. He's letting her know how he feels without seeming pathetic. He almost pulls it off...

(Oh, and #11 is great as well! Breathe Me by Sia. Wow, what a shuffle!)

I feel so much better! Thanks for letting me work through my funk.

i've seen your face before, my friend

The Avenger

Today may be the beginning of the end. My car sputtered to a stop on two seperate occassions today. She's been so good to me and she sure looks great for her age. I'm afraid, though, that her cruising days may be over. I'm still going to drive her (minimally, of course) until we get her checked out on Monday. We've put a limit on the amount we will pay to have her repaired, and if it's over that, we'll have to have a new car. Wouldn't that be terrible? I'm already window shopping.

But food wise, today has been a great day. After the half-bad banana for breakfast. The Starbucks drink was amazing, as always. Lunch was a great peanut-butter banana honey sandwich and some apple slices. Dinner was a nice salad and my creation: spinach dip lasagna. It was really good, but I'm not sure if it was worth the 10 points. It was relatively easy and it was fun to have Nate in the kitchen with me. So much green and cheese and whole wheat pasta... how could a girl go wrong? And then I had a 2-point Weight Watcher ice cream cup. Totally yummy.

I don't know where I am as far as motivation today. I just feel like I'm just having to make myself do what I know I'm supposed to do, and just hope that I'll be pleased with Saturday's weigh-in. If not, I may just have to weigh with my back to the scale or something. I hate that I am so motivated by a number. I wish that the improvements that I am making to my health would be enough for me to keep going. But so far, that is not the case.


I didn't even plan on going to the gym today. With fixing dinner and my night of television, I just didn't have exercise as a priority. Wow. Seeing that out there stings a little. Tomorrow, I will go the gym. Immediately after work. Work. Gym. Dinner. TV. Nate home from school. That sounds like a good plan to me!


I haven't been listening to podcasts recently. I'll try to have some insight for tomorrow.

And, to lighten things up, I decided to play another round of iPod Roulette (put iPod on shuffle and see what comes up! the good, the bad, the sometimes embarrassing).


#1 - Granny - Dave Matthews Band. Ahh...Granny. I was obsessed with this song for a while. Great song.


#2 - Ants Marching - Dave Matthews Band. (Live at Red Rocks) Well, 2 in a row. I listened to this cd over and over and over. I love the way he lets the crowd sing. "People in every direction. No words exchanged, no time to exchange them." I hope that's not the way I live my life. (And I can sing along with the really fast part. 'Cause I'm cool.)


#3 - Hiding Place - Jars of Clay. This is from their amazing "Redemption Songs" cd, a recording of old hymns. "Jesus, teach my soul to pray." I love what JOC can do to a song, the way they make them speak to me.


#4 - Like the Last Time - Matt Wertz. We saw him with Jars of Clay. I've learned that his music is great dishwashing music. It just makes me dance. And it's fun to dance and wash dishes at the same time!


#5 - Gone Daddy Gone - Violent Femmes. When I was at Bellarmine, Violent Femmes came and did a concert. It pretty much sucked. They did Blister in the Sun twice. I waited and waited to hear this song 'cause I love it. They played it, and then I left, picked Tony up at the dorms, and went to Taco Bell. Gnarls Barkley also does a good version of this song.


#6 - Reasons Why - Nickel Creek. I am so sad that they are breaking up. Great musicians make great music. "Where am I today? I wish that I knew." I feel like that sometimes. Just good stuff.


#7 - Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray. I like this song. It reminds me of the beach last summer. And aren't we all over our heads in some part of our lives?


#8 - In the Air Tonight - Recoil. I have a soft spot for covers, and a very soft spot for Phil Collins, so the they combine for this song! The drums are through the whole song, which makes it kinda anticlimactic. But I know that one day this will be an awesome running show.

#9 - House Carpenter - Nickel Creek. The second saddest song of all time, second only to NC's Lighthouse Tale. Seriously. Her old love comes back. She leaves her husband and her baby. They go sailing off. She misses her baby, gets angry and bitter. And the ship sinks. I've got to skip the rest of it.

#10 - Crazy - Alanis Morissette. Again, cover combo of a great song and a great artist. I love Alanis (references to her are all over this blog), and it's a really good song. A let loose song. Another song that would be great to run to.

Leave me your random 10! I'm off to watch America's Next Top Model and American Idol during commercials. Have a great night!

iPod roulette

Today was a day. Lots of housework and cooking. But I ran today! I'm a runner!

Luke (Nate's brother) is getting married at our house in May. I am very excited about the planning. More on that to come.

In a week, I'll be in Kansas with my littlest brother! I am so excited to go see him!

But the lack of anything really interesting going on today (and my desire to continue my habit of daily posting) caused me to steal an idea I came across on another blog. I'm going to turn my iPod on, put it on shuffle, and laugh at the first 10 songs that come up.

#1 - An explanation of a Fiona Apple song from iTunes originals. That doesn't count. So I'm offering 11.

#2 - In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel. How could one of my top 5 favorite songs be in my shuffle right out of the gate? Amazing. I think this is one of the greatest love songs ever, from one of the best love movies ever. (I'm not even going to tell you what it is...shame on you if you don't know.)

#3 - The Only Way Out - Chris Thile. This is from an instrumental cd. He is an amazing mandolin-ist (check out anything by Nickelcreek).

#4 - Pride and Joy - Stevie Ray Vaughan. So many years ago (was it really 8???), my friend Heath and I made an amazing mix called "the Make-Out cd." This song was the opener, and I love it.
She's my sweet little thing...she's my pride joy...You mess with her, you see a man getting mean.

#5 - My Skin - Natalie Merchant. No one can sing a sad song like Natalie. I can remember being sad and listening to this song over and over with headphones.
Is it dark enough? Can you see me? Do you want me? Can you reach me?

#6 - Work - Jars of Clay. Nate and I saw them in concert last fall, and they opened with this song. It's amazing. I can still see him jumping around. I love the cd of hymns...so inspirational and comforting.

#7 - No Rain - Blind Melon. This song takes me back to high school. I remember driving around in the Laser singing it. And who can forget the girl in the bee costume? I hate that he thinks that reading is a waste of his life...I love to read!

#8 - Dancing Nancies - Dave Matthews Band. Ahhh...the DMB that I love. I remember when I used to take this song very seriously. Could I have been anyone other than me? I remember when I used to hear the line, "23 and so tired of life" and wonder what I would feel like at 23. Now 23 seems like forever ago.

#9 - Round Here (live) - Counting Crows. This is just remarkable...another top 5 favorite song. I am obsessed with this song, again. I think the lyrics are just amazing, and the acoustic version is amazing. I fight tears at the end often. It's one of the songs where I just want to close my eyes through the whole song. I actually took the time to listen to the whole song before moving on (and sang along with headphones in my ears).
I walk in the air, between the rain, through myself and back again. Where? I don't know.

#10 - Tomorrow Morning - Jack Johnson. I think I wore out this cd when we first got it. We discovered Jack on our favorite radio station (the Sound) at the Outer Banks. This song is just a fun beach and driving song.

#11 - Trouble - Coldplay. Another cd I listened to over and over and over.
Oh no, I see a spiderweb that's tangled up with me. I lost my head, thought of all the stupid things I've said...I never meant to cause you trouble. I never meant to do you wrong. Oh, and if I ever caused you trouble...no, I never meant to do you harm.

I can only think of a few songs I really would have liked to hear more. I am impressed by how representative the 11 (of 791) are to my general music tastes.

Well that was fun. Now show me yours!