Sunday, May 4, 2008

a hole in my pocket that's about her size

Yes, I have been absent. I had the intention to figure things out. That still hasn't happened. But I have been gone long enough. I know this is the best place for me to figure things out. So I'm back.

I think it is important for me to explain why I was gone. I have a new friend from work. We've been good friends for about 3 months. I really like her. She provides tough love and pushes me. I share with her most of my "plans." I tell her that I won't wear my ring unless I work out. I tell her that I am seriously only having one Starbucks product a day. I tell her that I am bringing my lunch every day this week. I tell her that I am going to stay away from the mini Reese cups that inhabit the same drawer as our office supplies at work. Basically I make all the claims to her that I make here.

She has also lost 40 pounds or so since the fall. She's had some health problems, and in her commitment to her health, she's become a smaller person. I really admire her commitment and that she has given up red meat and dairy and fried foods.

So we were sitting at Starbucks one day for our mid-day coffee break. And she called me a liar. A liar. She said, in a joking but calling-me-out way, that she was tired of hearing about what I was going to do but then not follow through with. That was really hard for me to hear. And that has really sat on me for a while. She is my friend. My real-life friend. She struggles with her weight. And she called me out, and I did not have an adequate response.

I was unable to think of a reason, then, that I should subject my fellow bloggers to my "lies." So I avoided my blog for a while. And I avoided reading all but a few of my fellow bloggers. In the meantime, I did okay. I have eaten pretty well. My weight is stable. I am exercising about three times a weeek. My house is clean. I am cooking regularly again. I am still letting my hair grow. I am really enjoying this spring in ways I don't remember enjoying season changes in the past. My grandfather's health has been touch-and-go the past few weeks, but I think I have handled that pretty well too.

I have been looking for a reason to get back to blogging. I have been looking for some truth to spout back to you guys - something other than the "lies" I don't follow up with.

And then, today, I have a reason. I beat her in putt-putt. I actually beat her, her friend, and my husband. So there. I'm not back because I had an epiphany, or because I lost a pound, or because I found a new exercise I love. I'm back because I kicked the ass of my reason for not blogging. And she knows none of this. (I told you I had a blog - did you find it?)
So, guys, thanks for sticking with me. I'm not making any empty promises today, but I'm sure they are not far behind. All that matters is that I'm back!

(And I'm really looking forward to outlet shopping on Saturday!)



Tough love is, well, tough sometimes. But I'm thrilled you're back and I can't wait to shop this weekend!!

Lorrie said...

I'm so glad that you are back! I know a lot of tough love in the form of my fiance, he isn't hateful or mean and loves me for who I am, but I'm always saying "tomorrow" or making excuses and he calls me out on it.

We're here for and with you every step of the way! You left a comment about exercising every day this week, I am doing the same (and did today). And I will blog about it everyday. We can do this!

Sarah said...

I too am so glad you are back! Sometimes we just need a break. I have 2 co-workers who I share pretty much everything weight loss related with. They are a great support system and definitely help keep me in line as I do with them as well. It's a two way street ;)

Ready to Shrink said...

I'm so glad you are back chica. It's so hard when you feel like you are letting someone down and even worse when someone calls you on it. But it's so nice to read your blog again--I hope you are back. All of us are works in progress, we have challenges, flaws, victories, and successes. I love that the blog community supports through them all! :)

Donna B said...

Understand COMPLETELY!
Just went through a similar friend with my SIL, but she isn't losing weight. She asked a few weeks ago how I lost my 40#'s and I told her. She upset me terribly last week at a wedding when I refused to overeat as she piled away plate after plate of hig calorie appetizers. I got over it, still sad, but my health is important and no one is going to upset me again. Good luck! Missed you!

Sarah P said...

This was an awesome post! I loved it! I wish I knew your friend so she could come and tell me what a liar I am as well :) I need that kind of support! I think she is a TRUE friend! ;)

btw- you look GREAT in this photo! ;)

Teale said...

Ditto what everyone else said--glad you're back! Sometimes it takes someone calling us out like that to get our head back in the game!