Friday, January 25, 2008

i was blind to let you go

I cleaned house all day today. Now, we've only been in our house since September. And it was brand new when we moved in.

I thought I'd done a pretty good job with keeping things clean. I spray the shower with the preventative stuff every day. I clean the kitchen counter almost every day. We scoop the litter every day and use the dust broom for the litter that escapes. We vacuum, make the bed, keep clothes put away, and clean the mirrors.

But until I really started to clean, I didn't realize how dirty our house was. The floor of the shower was not pretty. There was a lot of dust on the bottom of our night stands. I had been seriously neglecting the nooks and crannies of our house, and I didn't realize how much I needed to fix until I really started doing it.

I realized the state of my house really echoes my life. I didn't realize how much I needed to clean up until I made the first step.

A few months ago, I thought I was doing okay. I ate an apple every day. We went walking more days than not and I went to the gym once a week or so. I cooked foods that were mostly healthy. I really think that if you would have asked me to grade my health, I would have given myself a B.

I don't know which came first, frustration with my health or frustration with my job. I think it's a "chicken or egg" thing. But I have made huge changes in my life since Christmas. I've seriously cut back my portions, I've got a new job (I start in one week!), and I exercise almost every day. And if you'd ask me now to grade my health, I'd give myself a C. I don't eat a balanced diet. Some days I eat no vegetables. Most days the only fruit I eat is with breakfast. I only strength trained one day this week. I ate white rice yesterday and today. I still have my daily Starbucks drink. I am very proud of the changes I have made, but I still have a long way to go.

All I know is I am twenty times healthier than I was 6 months ago, or even 6 weeks ago. But I thought I was doing mostly okay then. But I've realized that I've got a lot of work to do. And I'm excited. 'Cause in the end, everything will be clean, and I'll be healthy all the way around.


Lidian said...

Great post - and very true, I thought I was being really god last year, but I was not paying enough attention to all the, um, figurative dust bunnies! Got very complacent. Thank you for another great post!

justoofat said...

Gosh... I know exactly what you mean. Each month or so I seem to look back and think "wow... I can't believe I thought I was doing the right things then!" We may be taking baby steps, but even those add up. Frankly, I think you are doing amazing. I can't wait until I am at the point where my healthy habits are as strong as yours. Keep up the good work.



I think one of the hardest things about starting a new healthly living plan is fighting the urge to attack everything at once. When we finally make a decision to change things we tend to want to change everything all at once -- eating, exercise, sleeping -- and it all builds and builds into this mentality of OHMYWORD I MUST DO EVERYTHING NOW! NOW! NOW! That's a lot of pressure. I think the best way to attack things is slowly, one at time, even when it seems hard. And I think you're doing that beautifully. How many other people do you know who would use this time off between jobs as an excuse to sit around the house all day eating junk? It's going to be different when you go back to work but that's okay too. It's a learning process and you're doing great. Shades of gray, my friend... it's all about the shades of gray.

donna b said...

Your post gave me alot to think about. I try to look at what you are doing and parallel it to how I feel and what I am doing. I call it taking "baby steps". In all the years I have been heavy, not once did I pat myself on the back for losing 2#'s a week. I got discouraged when it wasn't 5#'s and set myself up for failure, yet again. You are taking the right steps, one at a time. Good luck! I am so excited for you! Can't wait to hear about the new job.

countryjacket said...

I can relate to your post on various levels. Two years ago, I had a severe eating disorder. I have been in therapy and dealt with the issue. So today, I am healthier than I was then. But am I the healthiest I could be....NO. I am finally starting to grasp the concept of a healthy, BALANCED, diet. Thanks for sharing your struggles and triumphs. It is a motivation for me and many others.

Hanlie said...

This rings true for me too. Until recently I was merrily ticking the "Excellent Health" box on forms and questionnaires. Just because I'm not in the throes of a heart attack, or suffering from Type 2 Diabetes, doesn't mean that I'm healthy. I mean, let's face it, I'm infertile (a sure sign of distress in the body), I have insulin resistance and BMI of 50! There is nothing "Excellent" about that!

But, I'm also going about it slowly, and in 3 months I will be somewhat healthier than today. A year from now I will be significantly healthier than today. And in two years I should be in a state of health (given my program) that is not often seen in our modern society. That is worth working towards!

Great post!

Lora said...

We do tend to fool ourselves into thinking all is well (with our health as well as the house!) when we just gloss over the surface.

I sounds like you're making good strides in both areas now!

Kitten said...

Hi! Just wanted to drop by, delurk and say thank you for commenting on my blog the other day. Also, I love the new layout. Your posts always get me thinking about my own goals and habits. Fat Bridesmaid is right, attacking everything at once is a quite a bit of pressure. I often have to step off the scale and think to myself, "What did I do this week (day, etc.) that was god for me?" And then I have to try and celebrate that rather than focus on those numbers.
Awesome post!

lifeshouldbestereo said...

Every little change we make is one more step towards better health. I too believe that when we try to achieve too much too soon, we often end up frustrated and give up because we think we've failed if we don't manage to change everything right away. Slowly does it.
You're doing great!

EVA said...

i know exactly what you mean. 50 pounds heavier i never had the feelings and questions that i have about my health and fitness that i do now. ignorance is bliss in a way.

sounds like you are really on the right path.

Scale Junkie said...

Honestly, I think by easing into it, you're making changes that will last a lifetime. When you jump right into it trying to change every aspect of your life at once, its just too overwhelming and we end up discouraged.

Have you ever gone to a museum and looked at master paintings, up close they are just a bunch of little details on canvas that don't make a lot of sense but when you step back and take it all in you see the whole picture. Your body is a masterpiece in the making. Lots of little details make the masterpiece