all my fears are drifting by me so slowly

So I've tried really hard to be proud of my 2.4 pound loss. I'm getting there. I am.

Today is my first day of unemployment. I have two interviews scheduled for this week, and another position that has contacted me to schedule an interview. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to start somewhere next week, at least at the restaurant. (They were pretty angry that I didn't start today, by the way. I tried to explain that I didn't want to have them train me for me to only work a week and then quit for a professional job. So if I need a job next week, I may or may not have one.)

I watched Oprah today, pushing her newest "Best Life" spiel. She had some pretty inspiring stories on the show, with the 6 Secrets to Changing Your Life, which wasn't anything I haven't heard like 5o times before. So it got me thinking that I know what to do, a lot of times I just choose not to do it. Because I have so many excuses.

And then Bob Greene started talking about the emotional issues that are underneath our issues with food. I may be in serious denial, but I don't think I have emotional issues with food, I think I like to eat. I eat when I'm bored. I eat mindlessly. I don't eat for comfort, or for love, or for a rush. I think I have proved this by not having meltdowns with my recent eating changes. I was craving chocolate the other day, but I think that has more to do with my physical sugar issues rather than emotional stress or baggage.

The people on the show also talked about how they got fat because they put others as a priority over themselves. I don't think that was my case either. I think I got fat because I am selfish. I like cheeseburgers and ice cream. I like laying on the couch and watching tv. I have always been my priority, I just wanted unhealthy things. And now I've realized that there are no miracles. I do not deserve to be lazy and skinny. I will have to work to be the person I want to be.

One thing that was said on Oprah that stuck with me today is that we can do one of two things: we can either defend our behavior or take charge of it. In order to make lasting change, I will have to retrain my thinking and my preferences. And I'm on my way!

That being said, today was a pretty good food day.

Breakfast: Clif bar and milk
Lunch: An apple and Grilled Banana Split Sandwich. HOLY COW this sandwich is amazing.
Dinner: Leftover Beef and Tomato Stew.
Snack: Toast.
I did 60 minutes on the treadmill and 60 minutes on the bike. Nathan is at the gym now, but I couldn't make myself go back today. I am afraid that if I go back again, I'll be to exhausted and won't do anything tomorrow.