Monday, January 14, 2008

all my fears are drifting by me so slowly

So I've tried really hard to be proud of my 2.4 pound loss. I'm getting there. I am.

Today is my first day of unemployment. I have two interviews scheduled for this week, and another position that has contacted me to schedule an interview. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to start somewhere next week, at least at the restaurant. (They were pretty angry that I didn't start today, by the way. I tried to explain that I didn't want to have them train me for me to only work a week and then quit for a professional job. So if I need a job next week, I may or may not have one.)

I watched Oprah today, pushing her newest "Best Life" spiel. She had some pretty inspiring stories on the show, with the 6 Secrets to Changing Your Life, which wasn't anything I haven't heard like 5o times before. So it got me thinking that I know what to do, a lot of times I just choose not to do it. Because I have so many excuses.

And then Bob Greene started talking about the emotional issues that are underneath our issues with food. I may be in serious denial, but I don't think I have emotional issues with food, I think I like to eat. I eat when I'm bored. I eat mindlessly. I don't eat for comfort, or for love, or for a rush. I think I have proved this by not having meltdowns with my recent eating changes. I was craving chocolate the other day, but I think that has more to do with my physical sugar issues rather than emotional stress or baggage.

The people on the show also talked about how they got fat because they put others as a priority over themselves. I don't think that was my case either. I think I got fat because I am selfish. I like cheeseburgers and ice cream. I like laying on the couch and watching tv. I have always been my priority, I just wanted unhealthy things. And now I've realized that there are no miracles. I do not deserve to be lazy and skinny. I will have to work to be the person I want to be.

One thing that was said on Oprah that stuck with me today is that we can do one of two things: we can either defend our behavior or take charge of it. In order to make lasting change, I will have to retrain my thinking and my preferences. And I'm on my way!

That being said, today was a pretty good food day.

Breakfast: Clif bar and milk
Lunch: An apple and Grilled Banana Split Sandwich. HOLY COW this sandwich is amazing.
Dinner: Leftover Beef and Tomato Stew.
Snack: Toast.
I did 60 minutes on the treadmill and 60 minutes on the bike. Nathan is at the gym now, but I couldn't make myself go back today. I am afraid that if I go back again, I'll be to exhausted and won't do anything tomorrow.


Kim said...

YOU DID TWO HOURS OF EXERCISE TODAY?!?!? WOW. Seriously, that's wonderful. And you have every right to be happy over your loss for the week!! Congratulations!! :)

Carleen said...

I got fat cuz I eat too much!!! I set my PVR to record that oprah today, thanks for reminding me to watch it.... i find it actually quite funny-- I could write a Weight Loss book and a personal training book, I've had enough sessions/experiences in both things to be an expert- but do you think I can convince myself to get my butt in gear and do something??? sometimes not- now a bit better...

keep up the great work!!


So I'm sitting here reading what you wrote about emotional eaters and, I swear, we're practically the same person. I think I eat because I like to go out to eat -- I like to cook and eat with my friends and also?- food made with butter and salt and cream tends to taste pretty awesome. But I digress... I'm proud of your loss this week, and proud of you for going to the gym to workout (for two hours! you're awesome!)

Keeping my fingers crossed for the perfect job to fall from the sky and into your shrinking lap!

Sarah said...

I am so proud of your loss and your exercising. You are rocking the gym! That sandwich looks so yummy.
I would take this week and enjoy your time off searching for a job. THe right job will come along for you :)

Mrs Coetser said...

I thought I was listening to myself when I read your post.

Thanks you for stopping by. I am looking forward to sharing more ups than downs.

Hope you are able to walk after 2hrs of exercise!

Hanlie said...

You really are doing very well. I'll be thinking about you and your job hunt. You stepped out in faith and I believe that God will honour that.

justoofat said...

I agree... I don't think *everyone* who overeats does so because of some deep seeded emotional issue. Some of us just really, really like food. :) Speaking of which, that banana split sandwich looks *really* tasty.

That said, 9lbs + in just two weeks is awesome, by anyone's standards. Two weeks from now, I hope I can boast such a thing. Bravo, girl!


Alice said...

OMG! 2hrs of exercise in one sitting! that's amazing. I'm exhausted after 30min. Good for you! Although be sure not to tire yourself out too much so you can keep it up for the rest of the week.

S said...

Wow! 2 hours of exercise--awesome! Good luck on the job search as well. I definitely know what you are saying about emotional eating. I think the majority of the reason I am fat is b/c I am lazy and make bad food choices. But I must admit I am an emotional eater. I didn't have a traumatic event in my past but I definitely want food when I am stressed, angry, bored, or happy.

Anonymous said...

YOU SHOULD BE PROUD!!! That is an AMAZING loss!!!