too much confusion...

(I actually said, "Too much confusion!" to the kids I work with on our field trip to the bowling alley today. So I sang Watchtower the whole time...as I was outbowled by several elementary school kids with severe emotional disorders.)

Will the drama never cease? Seriously.

I always knew I was a stress eater. I use food to calm, to comfort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've figured that out. But I guess I thought that if I knew that, then I would automatically just stop doing it. But it's not that easy. Today's breakfast was the usual. Then at lunch, I really (I mean REALLY) wanted pizza. There's a new pizza place in town that reminds me of home. One of the few true Greenup County food staples. And they opened one here a few months ago. I knew they had a buffet, and figured that I'd be fine if I could get a lunch buffet to go. And I was right! I got a big salad and 2 pieces of pizza, even though the box they gave me could have held a 16-inch pizza. 2 pieces. I was so proud of myself. (Until a male co-worker who is trying to put on weight said, "Can you really eat pizza when you are on a diet?" as he ate his big, juicy meatloaf sandwich from the Fuegery.) But things went downhill from there. On the way home, my boss (and transportation) stopped at a convenient store, where I bought (and ingested) another Starbucks drink and a package of mini muffins. Horrible. Then I came home and made 2 cheese quesadillas on small corn tortillas. Not the frozen Kashi meals I have, or any of the healthy stuff I could make, but ooey gooey cheese.

I know it could have been much worse, and I appreciate and praise myself for some of the damage control I did. But the feeling was terrible. I felt so powerless to my need to comfort myself with food. It could have been much worse. Had I had transportation (Nate is in class, so he's got our one working vehicle), or if it wasn't very cold outside, I would have chosen Taco Bell or Dairy Queen or something similar for dinner. I actually considered walking the 2ish miles to Taco Bell, but I couldn't remember if there was sidewalks the whole way. I wanted food. I still want food. But there's just nothing at the house that I want.

The issue? My car. No, my mechanic. So when I dropped off the car Monday, the note said, "Please call me before you fix anything over x amount." We've had several vague conversations about the state of my car. I call today to see if he has diagnosed the issue, and (tah-dah!) he says that my car is ready for me to pick up. I am initially very impressed that it was less than my x amount, but then he gives me the total. The total is more than twice my limit. TWICE the amount plus $50. It's insane. So I go to talk to him, and my options are to pay it or to have him take all the parts back off. And considering he's already had it for 3 days, it's hard telling how long that would take. If he would have called me, like I asked, I would have told him not to fix it. But he didn't. And now what do I do?

I realize that I have led a very fortunate life, but today was the first time I have ever felt that I was treated differently because I am a woman. Sometimes at work I feel like I end up doing a lot because I have a woman's eye and I don't have ADHD, but that's different. Today I felt like the mechanic thought he could walk all over me, and get me to pay for repairs I did not authorize, because I am a woman. And it pissed me off. I so felt like it would have made a difference if I was a man or even if I had a man with me, based on the attitude and tone he took with me. And I don't know what to do. Do I take a man with me to prove my point? Do I continue to try to rectify the situation on my own, realizing that I may not get the outcome I want or deserve?

Let me say, at this point, that I was nothing short of polite and then some while conversing with said mechanic. I apologized many times for the "misunderstanding" and for my "ignorance of car lingo" when he told me where he believes he got my authorization to fix my car (which is a total load of crap). I attempted to problem solve and attempt to find a compromise, but he was having none of it. So where are things? I am at home, and my car is with the mechanic. I'm going to see him tomorrow and figure this mess out. All I know is that I am not paying 2x for the work he did. I do not doubt that he did work totalling that amount. The car was very sick. I just cannot believe he did not authorize the work.

But now it's time for Gray's Anatomy. And I deserve it. With my big glass of ice water. And a mini York Peppermint Patty. Yeah. Take that, Mr. Mechanic.