so is it raining in your bedroom?

Well, I have filled out applications and sent out resumes. I make one more stop tomorrow, and then I wait.

I have had 2 disappointments today. First, Nathan and I went to the gym at our complex to do cardio. I was ready to walk to Wheel of Fortune. But no luck. All of the treadmills but one was broken, and the one not broken would not turn on. So I was lazy tonight. We watched the 3rd Pirates movie, and I was disappointed. I liked the last 30 minutes, but the first 2+ hours felt like I was watching something like Braveheart. Not that I don't enjoy Braveheart, but that's not what I expect from Jack Sparrow. Oh well.

I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love and have just finished the first section. I really feel like I need to write about how I can learn from the "eat" section before I proceed. (Don't worry...I won't ruin the book - no plot secrets here. Just my reactions.)

(On page 32, for anyone interested) The author describes a very powerful communication with God. She talks about wanting peace so badly, and creating a petition to ask God for this peace. She visualizes all those she loves joining with her in this petition, in support of her request, providing her support in her request. I don't know that I would ever approach God in this way, but it is very empowering. To think that when I have difficulty in my journey to health, I can think of my friends who believe in me. I know that I have the support of Fat Bridesmaid, and Marie, and Shirley, and Token Fat Girl, and Sarah, and Christine. And Nate and Jenifer, of course. It is a powerful visual to me, seeing you all standing around me (like Verizon's "network") in times of stress or exhaustion.

The other thing in the first section that I have been really sitting with is the visualization of my struggles. She puts "Depression" and "Lonliness" into human form and into her life. She talks about how they physically invade her space and what they act within her home. I have really been trying to see what Laziness and Boredom look like for me. I think Laziness and Boredom are my problems. I think Laziness is female. She looks like one of those girls who are skinny and pretty without even trying. She's wearing a UK sweatshirt, pajama pants, has her hair up in one of those messy ponytails, and is hot. She lays on the couch with a bag of chips, watching Oprah, and just rocks. I feel less guilty about being Lazy if she looks like she can be who I want to be without any of the work.

Boredom is just as big of an issue for me. I am actually able to eat healthy portions of food when in stressful situations. Today I only ate half of my Carraba's. I only ate half of my cheesecake at Kent's the other night. But then I come home and eat a decent-sized tub of cheese. Because I eat mindlessly. Boredom. But who does Boredom look like? Male or Female? I can't figure that out. I've been sitting with Boredom for 2 days, waiting for an epiphany, but haven't had one yet. I'll let you know.

I just thought that visualizing my issues as people was so powerful. And hopefully that will help me recognize and work against my issues. I'm not giving up on a picture of Boredom.

I am almost done finalizing my resolutions. I'm trying to make them concrete and specific, not vague "be better" or "do more." I'm also trying to figure out a rewards system, but with my career instability, I have to think of something that doesn't have to do with money. Any suggestions?

Happy New Year's Weekend!