i hope that someone gets my message in a bottle

My apologies for not being a good blogger...We're just trying to get ready for the brother-in-laws wedding which is accompanied by many overnight guests here (in 2 days!) and an overnight trip back to the hometown for my grandfather's surgery. Ugh!

My eating has totally gone down the tubes. I have managed, however, to only go food crazy one meal per day. For example, yesterday I had a huge cheeseburger for lunch, so for dinner I had a little pasta and alot of veggies. Today I had a healthy lunch, and pizza for dinner. Sometimes it's about just doing what I can. I knew this week would be crazy, and I've tried my best to prepare. I'm frustrated, and that's a good thing. I want to get back on track. I want to get my life back. But right now, it's cleaning and mentally preparing myself for not knowing how sick my grandfather is. Oh, and did I mention that I loathe my job?

I meant to write about the sermon on Sunday. We had a guest speaker, this guy who runs a ministry for the deaf. He was a great speaker and really involved stresses in the life of our particular church in his sermon. Although his sermon was about loving children, I got stuck on one sentence: God loves who I am today. I forget that sometimes. (I think I blogged about this once before...right after I started...but it still hasn't sunk in.) I tend to put my worth and my love of myself into the future. I will be worthy when I am thin. I will be worthy when I am a mother. I will be worthy when I respond to a dozen blogs a day. I will be worthy when I am in a job where I am respected and appreciated. But I am worthy of love today. God loves the Krissie of today. Nathan loves the Krissie of today. So why can't I love the Krissie of today? I'm going to try. And here's how.

1. I am only going to buy clothes that fit. No more of this "It'll fit someday!" crap. I am worth looking cute today, not just when the number is not embarrassing.
2. I will stop looking at old pictures and beating myself up for gaining the weight back. Guilt and remorse will not cause the pounds to disappear.

That's all I've got for now. I'm just going to follow those guidelines and see what I need to add as I go. Isn't it pathetic that I seriously base my self-worth on my weight? I know I am a great wife, I am really good at my job, I am a good cat-mom, I am somewhat funny, I bathe every day and I wear clean clothes. But somehow walking around with blubber makes me a bad person. That's crap. I'm not going to tell myself that anymore. At least I'm going to make an effort to stop myself.

It's almost time for American Idol. Then I get to wash dishes and straighten up this desk and our house is clean! Nate just got in from several hours of yardwork. I must go greet him.

on the way up, I felt clean

Wow. I miss one day and I feel like I have so much to say!

I'll start with the weigh in. I lost a pound! I am so excited! That is my goal, to lose one pound a week. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but that's 52 pounds in a year. I'll take that! And that puts me at 5.2 lost so I can get my pedicure this week! That makes me so excited. I'm also going to get my hair cut. Very exciting.



This has been an exhausting weekend. I feel like I need a day to recover. See, Nathan's brother is getting married next Saturday, and the wedding is close to our house. So we're having guests (family and the minister) stay with us for the extended weekend. We spent this weekend cleaning. Really cleaning. I've been scrubbing floors all day. But that's not the most exciting transformations.




When we bought our house, we had a lot of work to do. Mostly the floors. We refinished most of the hardwood floors (sanding and stuff), but the back bedroom was just trouble for us. We sanded and nothing happened. After staring at it for months, we decided to paint the floors. I could not be more pleased with the way they turned out. (And, as always, Farley is in the before picture.)

We also have this set of closet doors in our tv room that were boring white. When we painted the nightstands, we had a lot of paint left over. And the paint is almost the exact color of our couches. So we painted the closet doors this weekend too.

Okay, and here I go being honest again. I think that part of the reason I have kept myself so busy is avoidance. I found out last week that my grandfather has cancer. They found it during a check-up and it has taken a week or so to schedule surgery. So on Thursday night, I will head back to Greenup to be home for his surgery on Friday morning. The doctors have told my mom and Mamaw that Papaw is otherwise in pretty good health and that it would be silly to speculate on how much or how advanced the cancer is.

And my boss is giving me crap about taking Friday off. I try to keep my personal life at home, you know, and I really didn't want to tell him what's going on. We have enough conflict right now that I don't need him treating me differently because my grandfather is sick. Oh well. Please keep my Papaw in your prayers.

And I'm worried about how I'm going to pull my part in the wedding this weekend. I had planned on being such a big help...helping decorate, helping cook at the rehearsal dinner, making cheesecake for the rehearsal dinner...and now I'm just hoping that I can make it to the rehearsal dinner. I know that everyone involved understands, but I just don't want to be a downer on such a special day. I mean, what if the news is really bad with Papaw? Will I just stay at home? Can I handle bad news without Nathan? I mean, it's his brother's wedding and he has duties as the best man. My brain is just going a hundred miles a minute. And that's why I got so much pleasure out of scrubbing floors today...that occupied my mind.

So I'm off to take a bath and call it a night. I'm exhausted from all the work we've done. And from thinking.

Food plan for tomorrow:
breakfast - starbucks and banana
lunch - South Beach Sesame chicken wraps
dinner - some meat and vegetable combo on the grill (TBA)

Thanks for listening. Have a great night!

many a mile to go that night

The interview went really well! I am excited on one hand because it seems like an awesome place to work, but kinda down because they already had the position filled. So why did he call me in for an interview? He plans on hiring again in 2-3 months, and he wanted to have me lined up. As disappointed as I was not to walk out with a new job today, that this is what's best. Even though I am ready to move on, I know that Nathan may find a job somewhere else geographically, so it's best for us to keep our options open for now. And that job is a big option for us. We could move back to Lexington (although I'm willing to make the drive if we stay here). All in all, good stuff.

I've had some trouble with the eating today. Did well at breakfast and lunch, but again dinner was a booger. We went to the Fudgery. I did well with a sandwich and a cup of soup. But then the owner brings out rum cake. For free. So I eat a piece. Oh well. Hopefully it didn't sabotage my day too much. Weigh in is tomorrow! I want to lose .8 so I can get my pedicure!

Thanks so much for the acknowledgements of the goal pants! Tonight was still yet another victory. I got a pair of pajama pants from the Mother-In-Law at Christmas that I never wore 'cause I knew they wouldn't fit. Well, just for fun I pulled them out of the drawer and they fit! And they are comfortable! If I can tell this much difference with 4.2 pounds lost, what am I going to do when I've lost 10?

Well, all, it's time for me to go to bed. Gotta get a good nights sleep for the weigh in tomorrow!

May the 4th be with you

My brother, Nick, lives for May the Fourth. He thinks the wish is hilarious. I agree. Just say it out loud, in any Star Wars voice. You'll understand.

Yesterday was good. I stuck to my meal plan all day, until dinner. Another stressful day at work. (Something needs to be done that no one wants to do? Krissie isn't in the office, so we'll send her to do it!) So after work, I didn't want to cook. We went to our other favorite coffee shop hangout, The Hub, where I had an amazing Thai Salad. Mixed greens, chicken, mandaring oranges, chow mein noodles, and a sesame penaut dressing. Very good. Oh, and a fortune cookie!

Grey's Anatomy is going down the tubes, I believe. I do not like the new Addison Show. The Grey's main characters are charming, in part, due to their youth. Seeing "grown ups" act in a similar fashion is just pathetic. I don't think I'll watch. But even the story line with the usual cast is making me want to vomit. George and Izzy? Derrick meeting someone new next week? Meredith's newly-bonded step mommy dying? Making Burke second guess the relationship with Christina? Groan. 2 more episodes. Then I can reevaluate for several months and be excited again in the fall.

And today is very exciting. Yesterday I wore my first pair of "goal pants." I bought these jeans about a year ago, and wore them in public for just the third or so time yesterday. By the time I got home, they were loosey goosey. So today, in honor of my interview, I decided to try on a pair of khakis that I bought just by looking at the tag (very misleading) that I have never worn, only rarely gotten to button. They fit! They fit nicely too. Such a nice boost for my job interview (at 3 for anyone concerned).

I have no idea what my food plan looks like today. It's okay not to plan. I've got too much other stuff going on (like being nervous!) and I'll probably have to make myself eat anyway.

Have a great day! I'll let you know how the interview goes!

set me free, why don't you?

I have reached a new low. It started with last night: I voted for an Amerian Idol for the first time. Then, tonight, I downloaded not one, but THREE, songs by Blake Lewis, my favorite. I hang my head in shame, as I listen to Love Song, You Keep Me Hanging On, and You Give Love a Bad Name over and over. I'm disgusted with myself. But I sure do love my dear Blake!

Today has been a day of ups and downs. I'm feeling somewhat better. Still draining, but I went to work. Work was work. We are all in different stages of the same uber-cold. The kids were punks. Nothing new.

I did apply for a new job today (shhh!). I interview on Friday. I feel pretty good about it. The dude hiring used to be my boss, and in his email response to my resume said, "Girl, give me a call." That makes me feel pretty good about things. But I want to make sure I am interested in the job before I let my current employer know. I feel a little guilty. Just a little.


But then I get home to discover that our lovely cats have used our entire upstairs as their litterbox. As in every room. Someone was obviously sick. Or both of them. Must have been both. Nathan had most of it cleaned up when I got home and he was pretty frustrated. So we went to the Fudgery.


And that's where the evening went awry. I had eaten on schedule today up to that point. But there I had a meatloaf sandwich and a big scoop of chocolate ice cream. I don't have any idea how to count them. I just figure that the combo took the remaining 8 daily points and remaining 15 weekly points. I just gotta be really good for 2 more days...

I have such good intentions, and then I just don't stick with the plan. I do so well until I get home. I think it's because I am so focused at work and I really don't have time to think that I need a snack or that I don't really want to eat what I brought for lunch.

I hope that some of that focused-ness carries over into after-work-hours for the rest of the week. This time next week, we will have all kinds of houseguests before and during Nate's brother's wedding and graduation. So we have a lot of housecleaning to do. We keep a neat house, but we often ignore dusting everywhere and sweeping in rooms that we're not in all that often. And we kinda live in piles. Neat piles, but piles. And those need to disappear. We have a whole week! I just hope the cats don't decide to pull a repeat of today's disaster while we have company...

Wow. Bedtime snuck up on me quickly tonight. So here is my eating plan for tomorrow.

Breakfast (6 points):
Starbucks drink
Banana

Lunch (9 points):
McD's Southwest Chicken Salad and Dressing

Dinner (9 points):
Flat-Out Pizza
Salad and Dressing

Snacks (4):
Popcorn
String Cheese

I am sticking with the plan! I am one with the plan!

only a day away...

Thank you for indulging me with my photographic journal for today.

And here is tomorrow's food plan:

Breakfast (6):
Starbucks
Banana

Lunch (8):
Salad Kit (some turkey with cranberries and raspberry dressing...Louis Rich, maybe?)
6 Cracked Pepper Triscuits

Snack (2):
Fiber 1 Bar/Popcorn

Dinner (8):
Flat-Out Pizza (1 for wrap, 2 for sauce, 4 for cheese)
Salad with Sesame Ginger dressing

Dessert (3):
Chocolate Pumpkin Muffin

Have a great Wednesday!

its how we operate

It's boring being sick and not going to work for 2 days. This is where boredom gets me.

Anatomy of a Sick Day
(just add "and blew my nose and coughed a lot" to each statement)

First, I had breakfast.

Then I got my necessary aids for the day.

So I got out my iPod and started listening to sermons. I am loving the "Jesus Wants to Save Christians" series from Rob Bell's Mars Hill. Scully helped me. (Not the greatest quality...the pic is from my cell phone.)

Then I had lunch. Yum. (I also ate a Fiber 1 bar. The jello just didn't do it for me.)

I took a shower. The shower was disgusting. I often take baths, and Nathan is blind until he puts his contacts in, so its really no one's fault. So the I cleaned the shower.

Then, it was back upstairs where I listened to more sermons on our iPod player-thingy. My ears were getting sore from the headphones.

Then I decided to watch Dr. Phil in our spare room. (Notice bunny ear antenna on tv. Very high tech, we are.)

Then I decided I needed some popcorn to go with Dr. Phil.

Then I decided that Dr. Phil has pretty much joined the rank of other talk shows that sometimes appear to make fun of people. So I decided that I would wash dishes to get ready for dinner. I put in my favorite dish washing playlist, Matt Wertz. I only got through 2 songs, though. Not a lot of dishes.

Nathan came home! Then I fixed dinner. This is a favorite from my childhood. Toast, cheese and egg(beaters). I added some Healthy Choice sausage.

Then I wrote in my WW journal and realized I still have 6 points left for the day. So I made muffins.

And I plan to spend the rest of the day right here:

Watching That 70's Show and American Idol.

Tomorrow I must go back to work. Snot and all.

Oh, and Annie answered her interview questions from me. Check them out here.