have a seat by me

Today was the best bonus day ever!

I went to the mall and bought nothing! Then we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory where I ate less than half of my lunch-size salad, with dressing on the side. I rock.

Then I came home and cleaned the downstairs bathroom. And transferred all our pictures and music to our new computer.

Then I cooked ratatouille. Recipe will be posted tomorrow. It was great.

Then we went shopping - Best Buy, Gap, the wine store, etc. - and all we bought was an iTunes card.

Good bonus day.

Nathan is getting ready to go to the gym. I know I need to go. I just can't make myself do it. I am exhausted. But I'm going to finish cleaning the upstairs bathrooms and unpacking from Atlanta. So I'll have nothing to procrastinate with tomorrow.

I WILL go to the gym tomorrow. I will post my recipe. I will take food pictures and put my food into sparkpeople. Amen.

both of our hands are equaly skilled

I may have taken a slight detour. A detour that led me away from home from February 3 to February 20. And then knocked me on my butt with the flu from the day I returned home until yesterday.

But I have a map.

Tomorrow is Leap Day. And it is Krissie Day. When I got my life together, I didn't wait until New Year's Day, I attacked on New Year's Eve. And I'm not waiting until Easter, or March 1st, or Monday or whatever.

I'm making some improvements tonight:

• I cooked dinner.
• I washed 2 loads of laundry.
• I transferred all our pictures to our new computer.
• I am getting ready to clean the kitchen.

And February 29 only happens once every four years, and I am going to rock it. Tomorrow better watch out!

• I am going to the gym!
• I am going to clean the rest of my house.
• I am going to inventory my Goodwill box (for tax purposes) and get it out of the house.
• I am going to transfer our iTunes to our new computer.
• (I have tomorrow off.)

I know things have been difficult, but all I have wanted is to feel healthy enough to get back on track. And I am there. My throat is (very slightly) sore, but I'm sure it will be gone tomorrow. I can't wait!

And as an afterthought...

PLEASE HELP! I had a comment from SARAH a few days ago, encouraging me to go see someone at the Singletary Center (for free!) on Monday night, referencing my love for Matt Wertz. Can I have more info? I can't find anything going on at Singletary, but I'd hate to miss something cool! Help, Sarah!

baby's at the punchbowl

I am doing the happy dance all over the place.

Why?

I feel a thousand times better. I didn't realize how bad I really felt until I felt better. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm a different person than I have been the past week.

I also didn't have work today. We don't start in our office until 3/10, so we're just doing different trainings until then. Well, our trainer was sick today, so we didn't have to go in. So we went shopping! I am starting to love shopping for clothes.

I got home and tried on absolutely everything in my closet. If it was too big, it went in the Goodwill box. If it was too snug, it went to our spare closet. Only what fits today hangs in my closet. I have a decent size box of clothes that are too big. I am wearing the jeans from this picture. I am a happy girl.

I'm getting back on the blogging wagon, I promise.

you say it's your birthday...

Today is not my birthday, it's the first birthday of Questions for Dessert!

I am so amazed that I have actually been writing for a year - and even more amazed that such wonderful people read my ramblings and then provide such warm comments!

I really wanted to have something insightful/creative/celebratory for the big day, but I am still very much under the weather. I feel a ton better than I have, but I'm still getting ready to take a nap at 5pm. So, with a retrospective post in the near future, I will repost my very first post.

So this is it...I will be an "after." I am tired of being a "before." I look at all the magazines and feel terrible because the before picture looks just like me, and the after picture looks like something I can never attain. But I watched an episode of Oprah recently that discussed how changing the way I talk to myself can change the results I get. The show talked about how acting like I am already there (wherever I want to be) will help get me there. So today (as of this minute, forgetting even this morning), I am different.

• I am a runner. My "run" last Friday at the park was hard, but great. And only a runner could finish that. (I delete comment that could be negative...)
• I am respectful to my body. I am eating foods that my body will use as fuel. I am eating in a way that is not harmful to my body and that is preserving the body I have been given. I do not hurl insults at my body and I do not berate it for not looking the way I feel it should.
• I am honest. I do not lie to myself about what I eat. I do not (to quote Izzy from Grey's) believe that if I eat a whole tub of butter and no one sees me, the calories do not count. I am writing down what I eat, even when it is ugly, and seeing mistakes as chances to learn and grow. It's about time I started using my counseling skills on myself, right?

So that's where I'm starting. Today. I am an after.

And I'm still working on this. Every day.

bubbly toes

What we have all been waiting for...
This means that since New Year's Eve, I have lost 18.8 pounds! I am so proud!

I am still feeling pretty darn sick, so I am going to bed. And I just got up from a nap...

a tune we both should know

I have mostly gotten over the baby blues of yesterday. Thanks for the support.

I am still feeling very flu-ish. Sore throat. VERY sore throat. But I had several weeks of uninsured time, and my new insurance doesn't kick in until 3/1. So I've just taken stock in cough drops UNTIL I saw that there are 15 calories in each! I bet I've had 10 today! I am so irritated!

Nathan is continuing to go to the gym. I am happy for him, but jealous. I managed to do some yoga today, just so I could feel like I am doing something. I felt more relaxed, and frustrated that I was getting winded from stretching. So that removed any doubt that I am still sick.

I go back to work tomorrow, after having Thursday and Friday off to "recuperate" from Atlanta. I just got lucky 'cause I would have taken sick days anyway. I know I have to go tomorrow. To prepare, I did some pampering: painting my toenails and cleaning up my eyebrows. I think waxing hurts more when I'm sick. BUT my toenails are a major accomplishment. Not only do they look better than they usually do when done by me, but they were much less difficult! Kinda like my panty hose experience, there was no grunting or straining involved!

And I am not wasting pretty toes. As of tomorrow, I am breaking my Scale-Free February. It was good while it lasted, but I'm a little panic-y. I haven't really exercised in about 10 days. I haven't been eating a balanced diet at all. But I have been pretty sick. And I got enough comments to my before-and-during pictures that I am very curious as to where I am. So, as of tomorrow, I am back to my Monday morning weigh-ins.

she's somebody's baby girl

This isn’t something that I focus on often, but I do throw it in the occasional post. Why do I keep it so casual on my blog? A lot of reasons. I don’t want pity. I don’t want advice. I don’t want questions.

But that’s not fair. I’m being transparent here. So here it is.

I have a renewed desire to improve my health. I went to a baby shower today.

I want a baby.

It seems like forever (but actually about two years and change) that we have been doing the baby dance without any preventative measures. I don’t say that we’re “trying” because that would imply that we are failing. And that is not acceptable to me. I choose, instead, to believe that we are just waiting for God to give us a child.

The waiting has been very hard for me. Through prayer (and reasoning due to family health history) (and discussions with Nathan), we have decided that medical means are not for us. I admire those who have medical assistance to conceive. I recognize the bravery and faith that go into that. I just feel like I have been called to have faith, and wait.

I know that I don’t always take the best care of myself. Heck, I weighed 239 pounds two months ago. If I can’t take care of the body that God has given me, why should I think that He would give me someone else to take care of?

In the past two months, I have learned how incredibly faithful my God is. I will not question that now. I know there is a plan for me. I know my God is big enough to give us a child if that is what He has for us.

And it’s that “if” that I sometimes have a hard time with.

Nathan has a hard time with my baby sadness. But I am totally content with my husband and our life together. If we never have a baby, I will be fine. I have stopped taking pregnancy tests when I am a few days late. I have quit interpreting every strange feeling in my body as a pregnancy hint. I have stopped buying pregnancy and baby name books, and I haven’t even unpacked them since we moved last fall.

But watching a friend open a plethora of pink packages reminds me that my arms are empty. And that I haven’t been able to see Nathan be the amazing father that I know he could be.

So is there any better motivation to get my health together?

But, to lighten things a little. here are a few artists renditions of our children. I asked Nathan to draw what our baby would look like, and was slightly disturbed. He couldn’t understand what he could have drawn differently, so I drew for him what I envisioned. I have hung on to these pictures for years. Have any idea which picture is from each of us?

Have a happy weekend, y’all. Hopefully I’ll feel better – flu-type stuff and general attitude – tomorrow!