questions for dessert

to a deluxe apartment in the sky

2008-07-29T20:23:00.003-05:00

Check me out at QUESTIONSFORDESSERT.COM

So sorry. I am moving again. Although I LOVE (and I do mean L.O.V.E) the way my Mac blog looks, it has come to my attention that it is not exactly the most reliable thing. And my counter has disappeared. And you can’t see other pages. And comments are still funky.

I have struggled over what to do: stay here, go back to blogger, go to wordpress?

Thus I have decided to purchase my domain so that wherever I go, there I am.

Please visit me at my new home: questionsfordessert.com

Seriously? What else would it be?

And leave me a comment there PLEASE to let me know that you followed the breadcrumbs to my new home.

I am in the process of importing all my old entries - at all 3 blogger blogs and the Mac blog. And trying to make it pretty. So it might take me a while to get it exactly right, but this blogging thing is important enough to me to try.

So follow me! Leave a comment! Stay a while! (BTW - my favorite thing about wordpress is in the upper right hand corner: Click on Blog Info and then Random Post. So much fun!!)

Thanks for taking the hike with me!

something good this way comes

2008-07-08T19:52:00.002-05:00

And you can find it here.

Still not 100% committed to iWeb. Unable to put it in Reader (will that drive you away?) I am also unable to find a book to help me. But visit me there.

we need a holiday

2008-07-06T16:31:00.003-05:00

I spent this weekend doing absolutely nothing. And it was fabulous. I re-read my favorite book.I painted my toenails.
I went barstool shopping with my parents and Nathan.
I ate a pretzel and an iced coffee at Barnes and Noble.
I bought a new book at Joseph Beth.
I love 3 day weekends. How do I get more of them?

you're the one that I wanted to find

2008-07-01T19:05:00.002-05:00

We all know that I adore my husband.

But today he gave me even one more reason.

He knows who Jordan Catalano is.

What a man!

but I know I ain't the same

2008-06-30T19:49:00.003-05:00

So I was laying in bed this morning, between my early alarm and my snooze alarm, thinking about how awesome my life is.

I love my husband. I love my family. I love my house. I love my cats. I love my car. I (pretty close to) love my job. I truly have an amazing life

I had decided that I was going to truly love me for me. I was going to stop this charade of trying to change but failing. I was going to be fat and happy.

And then I stepped on the scale.

227.6 - from 222 2 weeks ago.

What?

So much for the "happy" part...

or am I part of the disease

2008-06-24T19:13:00.003-05:00

Boo blogger!

I was going to have a nice photographic post of my favorite things...complete with Nathan, jewelry, Starbucks, and shopping! Oh well.

And why such a post? Maybe to avoid the mess that has become my health this week?

Oh yes.

We went home this weekend. I was just generally out of control food-wise. And I came home to a lack of lunch-type foods, and my out-of-control spiral has continued.

Why can't I just get it together?

GET IT TOGETHER, KRISSIE!!

That comment is not a yell, but rather a cheer or a rally cry. When my co-worker is particuarly stressed, I sing (in hymn style) "Get ye together!" accompanied by claps and occassional foot stomps. Why can't I apply this to myself?

I'm not frustrated or irritated. Maybe I'd be motivated to get it together if I were...

(Random question: anyone else watching Family Feud with Al Roker? Since when has Family Feud become inappropriate for family viewing? Giving a man sex or alcohol to quiet him down? Finish the phrase "shake your blank"? What is slippery when wet? Seriously?)

and I feel done

2008-06-22T19:33:00.002-05:00

Okay, so there were no pictures taken at the wedding. Kinda strange, I agree. But we were really cute. And I only had a small piece of cake!

Yesterday was kinda difficult, though. Multiple "when are you having kids?" questions. Several fat jokes made in my presence about people who are less fat than me. Just not the best weekend for self-esteem. Thus a variety of brownies and a cookie dough blizzard today.

But, you know what? I'm not done trying. I'm not giving up.

Sigh.

have a cup of cheer

2008-06-20T16:04:00.002-05:00

Nathan is playing "Holly Jolly Christmas" on his mandolin. Even though it's June. That man loves Christmas.

So I was a little ambitious with the 10-day blogging thing. We're spending the weekend with our parents, so I don't know about tomorrow. If I don't post, I'll still show pictures from the wedding we are attending. I'll show them either way, really.

Have an awesome weekend!

I was feeling part of the scenery

2008-06-19T20:35:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I think I'm going to get this purse for our upcoming trip. But not in the brown. Do I want the pink (with grey lining)...
Or the green and blue?

Help me! Which do you think?

In other news...

Why I Love Today:

Food choices today were pretty good. (Check them out here.) I didn't exercise, but I'm taking small steps!

The one food weakness I had was free. All that happened was bad service at Starbucks, and that led to free drinks!!

I am really motivated to be healthy.

Three words: Old School Grey's. (Meredith and George did WHAT?)

Tomorrow is Friday!

Our anniversary (and trip to Asheville) is a month from today!

but it hasn't happened yet

2008-06-18T19:35:00.002-05:00

So I've had several requests for hair progress pictures. Today was a curly day, so it's not too exciting. You know, I don't really like it right now, but I'm not giving up. I will not cut it. I made a decision to grow it out. I have really only had 2 severe urges to cut my hair - and I started the process in February. I am letting it grow. I've just got to figure out what to do with it during the rough patches - and it will be rough for a few more months. I know, I've been here before.

Nothing of real interest to share today. I didn't do much this evening. I had planned on going to look at furniture for our deck, but I ended up being lazy, watching reruns of Next Top Model, and getting caught up on my blog reading!

The great news is, despite several opportunities, I did not go to Starbucks today!

as small as I feel

2008-06-17T20:56:00.003-05:00

Well, I've spent 10 minutes trying to load up the picture from "map my run" without success. So I just quit. It's not that important. And the landscape looks nothing like the picture I had. Anywho, this is what is important.

Nathan and I went on a 5K walk tonight. I left my phone on stopwatch right inside the front door. From door to door (counting locking and unlocking the door), we were gone for 1 hour and 17 seconds. We pretty much rock.

The really good news is that I did well with pizza for lunch (check out my food blog for more details). And I am excited and motivated for the first time in a long time...even after a 10 hour day at work. Oh yeah.

So that's all I know today. Ate mostly well. Long walk. Going to bed.

you've come too far to turn around now

2008-06-16T21:02:00.003-05:00

Not too shabby. So it's up from my lowest. What I have discovered from reading my past blogs and studying my old WW cards is that my body naturally likes to be 220-222. A lot. That weight is most common. So I'm afraid that this number is going to be hard to get rid of. But I'm trying. And I am excited.

Yikes. My toenails are terrible. There's no excuse for that. I wish I would have put on socks...Oh well.

Isn't it sad that I'm more embarrassed by the state of my toenails than my weight? I don't even know what else to say about that.

In the spirit of Marie...

The Good:

1. No Starbucks from a barista. That's huge. I did still have my morning Starbucks drink, but no Iced Venti 3-Pump White Mocha. That's a big deal. Especially for a Monday.

2. I left work at 4. Not 5, 4:45 or even 4:10. 4:00 and I was out the door. And I haven't stressed about what I didn't get done. I left on time, and I left work at work.

3. I cooked dinner (click here to see it!) and I made chicken salad for lunch tomorrow.

4. I did pilates. Mari Windsor wants to kill me, and I can't do the roll-up like I used to, but I completed the workout. And I am excited that I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

The Bad:

1. I took a nap between dinner and Wheel of Fortune. I gotta quit this napping thing. It makes me lethargic the rest of the evening.

2. I had a second bottled Starbucks drink after my nap. Nathan was drinking wine, I wanted something sweet. I have no excuses.

3. My hair is really getting on my nerves. I really just want to cut it all off. Any ideas for dealing with curly growing-out hair?

4. I made my third listen to Alanis Morissette's new album today. I love her. LOVE HER. But this album, like the previous one, is really rotten. Is it me? Did I just grow up and become less bitter? But she did too, right? Sigh. Oh well.

The Ugly:

I don't really have any uglies today! Yay!

feign brave, but still intent

2008-06-15T17:48:00.002-05:00

The last few days, I've been reflecting on the past 6 months. I cannot believe it's June already. I really wanted to accomplish some things this year.

Maybe I already have.

2008 started off with a bang. 239 to 219. And with all the craziness of new job, I have managed to not do much damage. I weighed this morning at 221.something, but tomorrow will be my official weigh day. I think that's something to be proud of. I have thrown caution to the wind. Exercised little. Drank a LOT of Venti Iced 3-Pump White Mochas from Starbucks. And where has that gotten me? Up less than 3 pounds since February.

And, you know what? I'll take it.

That tells me that I'm really wasn't being as "bad" as I thought. I can go on a weekend food bender and gain 3 pounds. Heck, sometimes I can gain three pounds in a week for no apparent reason. I am still doing a lot of things right - My portions are still pretty small. I am still eating a lot of veggies. I have a 10 minute walk to and from work every day. Dessert is infrequent. It's been REALLY hot, and I've only had Sonic once this summer. Nathan and I have been on several walks - we walked to Circuit City last night, and we walk to Cosi to eat sometimes. In the big picture, I am still doing a lot of things right.

Someone (smack me for not remembering who!) mentioned in a blog the other day the inability to eat crap without feeling guilt. You know, I don't know that I feel guilt anymore. I just don't eat really bad food very often anymore. And, on the rare occassion when I do, I recognize that it is a very rare occassion, and I live with that. (Like the one day I worked 14.5 hours and stopped at Taco Bell on the way home. Notice I said 1 day.) I like the way I feel when I eat well and when I exercise.

So the last few months...Did I fall off the wagon because I don't deserve to be healthy? Because I have given up on myself? Because I was bitter and angry and frustrated that I am fat? Or because I was so happy that I forgot that I needed to take care of myself? (Unfortunately, I think I have reached an age where "not taking care of myself" is not an option. When I'm not healthy, I feel it every day.)

No. The last few months have been tough because I have been tired. I know I've mentioned my new job, and the stress of my new job, but it has been really hard for me. Long days. Not really knowing what I was doing. I would come home and mentally review every decision I had made. I would dream about patients and paperwork and learning my way around the hospital. It was really hard for me to wrap my head around a totally new profession which requires a lot of skills that I do not naturally have. (Oh, and in the middle of all that, I was really trying to impress because I thought I was going to get a huge promotion. I really misinterpreted a comment, I guess.)

But now, I am good. I understand my job. I am working 40 hours a week. I am at a good place. I am settled. And, dare I say it, I think I am good at my job.

And, now, I lug my rogue three pounds and climb back on the wagon. Or maybe I'll get some exercise and just walk beside it for a while...

(Did I mention that I'm back!!)

the only way out is through

2008-06-14T18:40:00.002-05:00

Ladies (and gentlemen?)...

I am back.

I have not been in a good spot. I don't know why. Work has gotten less stressful. I am finally adjusting to the early mornings. I have just been focusing on the negative, and that is not like me at all. So I'm done.

We had Starbucks (Iced Venti 3 Pump White Mocha - No whip and a blueberry scone) for breakfast. My lunch looked like this - tomatoes, mozzarella, whole wheat pita and homemade balsamic viniagrette. I ate about 1/3 of this plate.Then dinner was great. Very lean hamburgers with gouda and avocado and a salad.
Our fridge now looks like this:
Our fridge has never been full. I don't remember our fridge ever looking like this...even before we moved. All healthy. All yummy. All good.

I could have a big plan for keeping my motivation or what exactly I'm gonna do, but I'm not going to do that. I know what I need to do. And I'm just gonna do it.

I will say that I will blog DAILY for the next 10 days. No excuses. When I am accountable to you guys, that really keeps me going. And my food pics will be on my food blog. I still take pics of almost everything and I don't post them for unknown reasons.

I am very appreciative of the comments/emails I have gotten wishing me well and offering encouragement. I have the best blog readers EVER.

Now we're off for a walk.

Happy Saturday, everyone!

that was just a dream

2008-06-10T20:21:00.002-05:00

If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all. Right?

I don't have a lot to say that's good.

I picked a fight with Nathan at Panera.

I may have to work Saturdays.

I'm still fat.

AND a lady at work - no make that 2 ladies at work - complained about their kids all day today, telling me how lucky I was to not have children (seriously). Not knowing how badly I want a baby.

Oh! I almost forgot about this. Right out of grad school (the first time), I worked in drug rehab for a few years. Of the 100 or so women I saw in therapy, there was one woman that I seriously thought would still be sober. We had a few moments in conversation that I'll never forget. She is one of those people who God worked through - one of those people I could really see God in. She is one of the people that made me believe in people and our ability to change and really be better people. I learned yesterday that she is back in detox. Seriously. It's a good thing I'm not still practicing, or I'd probably quit.

Did I mention that I'm still fat? Oh, and that my co-worker who wore a 16 in February is now wearing a 10? 16 to TEN in 4 months? Yeah. That doesn't make me feel like crap.

Oh, and it's like 85 degrees in my office? And there is no plans to fix it?

Oh wait. I said some things, eh?

Sorry, Thumper.

and a halo on my head

2008-06-08T20:12:00.003-05:00

Another rant is coming, just be warned.

You know, I am really tired of hearing how urban sprawl is so bad. How Lexington has the biggest Carbon Footprint of any city in the U.S. How people should just move back downtown.

Just so you know, I would if I could.

$135k for a 578 square foot loft?

$185k for 885 square foot of part of a house?

$259k for a 1500 square foot "apartment unit"?

Wanna know why we live on the outskirts? Because it's all we can afford without having to put our bed in the kitchen.

with a glass for you to fill

2008-06-07T17:59:00.002-05:00

So this morning I was feeling particularly gross. There's always one day of my cycle that is the worst. That day is today. I decided I needed some things to make me feel pretty. Some bronzer, maybe some new nail polish, maybe even lipstick. I really wanted to see as few people as possible, so I decided to avoid the Wal-Mart/Meijer/Target crowds and instead I went to Walgreens.

Never again.

As I go through the front door, I am accosted by a woman informing me that body sprays were 2 for $9. Did I want to smell them? Let her tell me about all the summer scents! Blah blah blah.

And then? No sooner have I politely made my way past her than I am approached by yet another saleswoman - literally about 5 steps later - asking me if I need a basket (I have nothing in my hands yet). I politely say no. No more than a minute later (still in the same aisle!) the original lady asks me if I need help finding anything. Um, I'm standing still in front of a rack of fingernail polish...I think I have a handle on things. Geesh.

So, fingernail polish and bronzer in hand, I make my way to the second aisle and am trying to decide if I want to change from the usual Ponds face wipes to the Dove ones when I hear a loud, "Ma'am? Ma'am? Ma'am?" increasing in intensity each time. I turn around, shocked that this could be directed at me. "I can check you out over here when you are ready!" I roll my eyes and was d.o.n.e.

I put back my unnecessary purchases. I pick up my "girl stuff," toilet paper, and iTunes card. As I check out with the only cashier who didn't harrass me, a previous harrasser gives me a sad look - like I broke her heart by not going through her line.

Seriously?

So much for the lack of interaction...

i've said too much - i haven't said enough

2008-06-04T18:43:00.003-05:00

Blah.

Why?

1. If I want to use WiFi at Starbucks, I now have to pay. Seriously? Isn't the incredible amount I spend (almost daily) on their coffee enough? Seriously?

2. Yesterday, I walked to work in the most horrible storm. I mean, the water was up to my ankles when I crossed the street. I literally rang water our of my pant legs. Miserable.

3. My office? In the middle of the hospital? Very limited air conditioning. I'd be surprised if it was any less than 85 degrees in my office. It totally zaps me of any energy. Between the heat and the stress, I tend to come home from work, lay on the couch and watch tv. While my lovely husband goes to the gym.

That's all the whining for today. Stay tuned for the next installment...

many of miles to go that night

2008-05-31T06:00:00.001-05:00

How sweet! Fat Bridesmaid misses me! I miss y'all too.

I have had a CRAZY week at work. My job duties changed drastically on Thursday, and that left me with doing my whole new duties and tying up the ends on my old duties. That equalled a 14-hour day on Thursday, and total exhaustion when I got home yesterday. So I took a 2 hour nap and then went to the bookstore. But I'm back!

So last night at Barnes and Noble, I picked up a book about infertility. (It was put out by one of those topic factory books - like Dummies or Idiot's Guide or something I don't remember - so I don't feel bad for not remembering and giving them credit.) I picked up 5 natural guidelines to improve fertility. And I'm gonna give it the good college try.

1) Maintain your sleep schedule on the weekend. There was something about how staying up late and sleeping late on the weekends messes with my sleep cycle, and probably my girl cycle as well. That is the only reason I was up at 6am this morning. One day in.

2) No caffeine. This one is gonna kill me. I have already decided that I am writing today off as a detox day. I've done this before. It's gonna be rough. But I'm making a commitment. And it's not just for conception hopes. I don't need the empty calories. I really need to stop spending so much money - and a lot of that is to Starbucks. So I am caffeine free as of today. Send me encouraging vibes.

3) No alcohol. This one won't really be that hard for me. I bet I've had one drink over the past month. I like just making the statement that for my health I have decided I'm not going to drink for a while.

4) Eat better. For me, this means mostly whole food. Not processed stuff. Not junk. If I wouldn't feed it to a child, then I shouldn't eat it myself because hopefully I will be eating for a baby one day.

5) Exercise daily. I just need to make the decision that I will exercise every day. When I don't give myself a way out, I just do it. I am planning on starting running again tomorrow. We are going to the gym this morning. I'm just gonna do it.

So that's my new plan. It's nothing that I don't know that I need to do. I know I have a great amount of control over preparing myself for pregnancy, and I have been failing at that. And before I even consider medical help, I need to step up and help myself.

lonely people are all gone

2008-05-27T19:34:00.002-05:00

I'd like to congratulate the winner of the challenge....

GRETA! My fellow 80%er. We're all about the B! Send me your address, girl, and I'll get your prize out!

I've really been trying to figure out how to get back on track. I'm getting there, but I still need to sort some things out. I haven't given up.

It really stinks going back to work after a long weekend.

That's all I have to say today.

if you want to finish, then you need to start

2008-05-24T14:20:00.003-05:00

Leave it to a new Matt Wertz song (I love youtube) to kick me in the butt.

And Half Assed, of course.

I didn't even finish my own challenge. 8 days out of 10 isn't bad. 80%. That's a B. But I am an "A" type of girl. As soon as I gave myself an option out, even if it was when "life happened," I went way downhill. I opted out for several days.

In her amazing book (seriously, go buy it NOW), Jeannette talks about not giving herself a choice. Just making a commitment - the same way you would to a marriage or moving - and stick with it. Don't allow yourself to think any other way except that you are doing it.

That's what I'm trying to do. I'm really trying, you know? But work? Not really my friend. Overlooked for a promotion, only to hear that "no one else bothered to apply." I guess one of my bosses asking me if I would be interested in an "opportunity" and me saying "of course!" does not count as bothering to apply. This AFTER we were told that none of us could get the job because you have to stay in a position for a year to be eligible for promotion. Whatever. All I know is that I didn't get it. And I really don't mind the lady who is getting it. She's nice enough. She'll be fair and appropriate. I'm just frustrated that it's not me.

Anywho, I'm going to try to use my polar thinking to my advantage. I have seen what happens when I don't give myself a choice. I will go the the gym. I will do the Leslie tape. I won't eat mini Reese cups. The 8 days I did the tape, and the 4 days I didn't have Reeses last week has shown me that when I really put my mind to something, I can do it. But I have a tendency to start and do things halfway and then start again and do them almost right and start again because I GET IN MY OWN WAY.

Sigh.

Anywho, there were like 14 of you that joined my 10-day challenge. If I performed my calculations correctly, the last of the joiners should finish up tomorrow. All you need to qualify for the prize is to tell me how you did. I'll pick the winner(s) out of those of you who tell me what it was like, and how many days you lasted. A comment on this post would be sufficient. I'll draw on Tuesday evening, to give any of you vacationers a chance to check in!

Have a GREAT long weekend!

are you strong enough to bend?

2008-05-20T17:00:00.002-05:00

Hello all.

I am foul today.

A co-worker has gotten a big promotion that I thought was mine. BIG promotion.

And what am I doing to celebrate my failure? Well, I ate crustless quiche and a great salad. And now we're gonna take a walk (to earn bonus points from my lack of exercise yesterday) and then do the 4-Mile video from my challenge.

Because, despite my tendency to not be recognized at work, I still rock.

Amen.

I'm a banjo-picking girl

2008-05-19T20:45:00.003-05:00

As you all know, I am not perfect.

I am not even able to keep up my entire 10-day challenge.

But that's okay. I'm learning to live with shades of gray.

I did not do the walking video tonight. We went to Woodsongs again, and saw a great band, and met the banjo brilliance that is Bela Fleck. We've seen him with Dave Matthews Band, Nickel Creek, and now Sparrow Quartet. We had to stick around to meet him. Very humble and funny. Good times.

So we come home, had a snack, put our new cds on iTunes, and it's bedtime.

So my lack of exercise is not due to laziness. It's due to life happening.

And tomorrow, I'm getting right back on. I'll do the video, and eat my veggies, and all that good stuff.

95% is good for me. And life is great today.

just cross the border and into the city

2008-05-18T20:35:00.002-05:00

Today deserves pictures. Lots of pictures.

It started with an Iced Venti 3-Pump White Mocha and a piece of low-fat strawberry cream coffee cake. Then lunch was a turkey sandwich with cranbery chutney.

And, after that, things got a little crazy. These groceries became corn chowder, asparagus soup, sausage and red pepper quiche, buffalo chicken macaroni bake, and a variety of lunches. They are all now nicely labeled and frozen. Yeah buddy.

And then I ate corn chowder for dinner. Yummy!

I finished Day 6 of 10 fo the challenge! It was more difficult to get the video finished today, but I made it! High impact all the way baby!

I'd love to stay and chat, but the Office is on. I'm a sucker for Jim and Pam.

Have a happy Monday!

I hope that you are having the time of your life

2008-05-17T19:27:00.004-05:00

We had such a great day! It started with Starbucks and then my meeting with still-yet another member of blog royalty. Jeanette Fulda (AKA Half of Me) was signing her book at our local book store. We actually pulled up the map of what writers were where in the bookstore to get prepared. She was right by the purses. I mean, what are the odds? I love purses, I love her, all is well!

She is so sweet! We talked about who I was, how long I've been following her, and how we can get overwhelmed by the number of blogs we follow. She showed us her fat pants, signed a book for me, and then agreed to pose for a picture. She didn't act like she thought I was blog-stalkish at all! She even asked me if I write. I wish I would have thought of some cool questions for her. I'm just impressed that I was able to mostly keep my cool. And then. When we were leaving. We saw her outside. And she WAVED AT US. Awesome.

Then Nathan and I went next door to Whole Foods and shared this awesome salad mixture. Nathan had his own piece of bread and he made a pretty small salad. I'm glad his was so small 'cause he had to eat most of mine. My eyes were W-A-Y too big for my stomach. But it was all great.

I then continued my lavender kick. I have been cleaning with lavender-scented stuff since we moved. Last weekend, while shopping with Fat Bridesmaid, I bought lavender shampoo and conditioner at Bath and Body Works. Today I bought the matching lotion and a bar of lavender soap. I am so excited for my bath and papering after my fifth date with 4 Mile Walk Away the Pounds!

We went to church tonight and it was awesome. We go to a mega-church (sometimes called Six Flags Over God), but tonight the music was only a dude with a guitar, there was nothing flashy, and everything felt quiet and small. I love our church.

I realize that we don't have cable. But, seriously, do we have to watch someone clean a fish? With a knife? On tv? Seriously? I don't know if Nate is trustworthy with the remote after all.

Happy Saturday everyone!

let's give 'em something to talk about

2008-05-16T18:01:00.002-05:00

Seriously.

This is what I did today.

I wore these to work.

Not only are they different colors, and the heels different heights, but I didn't notice them until I was already in the hospital. Luckily it was my desk day, and my coworker keeps slippers for sore feet days, so I just had to walk to and from my car in the pathetic combo. They were a good laugh.

I was leaving the hospital and we passed a woman in the hallway. The woman had only one eye open. The other was closed tightly, like there was something wrong with it. She looked at my feet and then gave me a look that clearly said, "I have one good eye, and I can see the mess of your feet. What's wrong with you?" This made my friend laugh hysterically.

My friend continued to laugh on our entire walk from the hospital to the parking garage. We get in the elevator and we just keep laughing. There is one lady in the elevator with us. My friend gets off, just leaving me and the stranger. She says, "They don't look that bad." I lean over, look at my feet, and tell her I'm not so sure. Then she changes her tune: "I lied, honey. I was just trying to make you feel better."

I have learned to always double-check my feet.

So how are you all doing with the 10 day challenge? I've had several entries after day one, so I've decided that anyone who joins in before midnight tomorrow is eligible for the prize. Especially since I don't have it set in stone yet. So if you're still interested, let me know!

I have made 3 straight days of the video. Tonight is going to be hard, though. I am tired. I am already letting small annoyances in the video grate my nerves. I am afraid I am wearing a spot in our carpet. But I will do the video anyway. I have no choice. I am not giving myself a choice.

My plan for tomorrow's post is an update on how you all challengers are doing! Drop me an update in the comments or email!

it takes two to make it out of sight

2008-05-14T21:17:00.002-05:00

You know, it all started so innocently. A nice salad of spring mix and my homemade chicken salad. But then I was wanting something sweet. On the shelf beside my desk is a HUGE bowl of candy. I usually stay out of it pretty well.

But today I was really wanting sweet. I grabbed 3 mini Reese cups. I even took a picture to keep myself accountable.

Three.

I thought it was no big deal.

Then I sat down to do my paperwork and before I knew it, I had a trash littered with a dozen or so Reese wrappers.

Seriously?

I never would have eaten 2 full-sized ones, so why was this rampage okay? But I know better for tomorrow.

No tears or guilt.

Because I kept to Day 2 of my challenge! Go me! The tape was not as difficult today, and I even boosted to the high impact in some places. For reals.

I am so glad so many of you have joined in! We can do anything for 10 days!

10 Day Challenge!

2008-05-13T20:01:00.004-05:00

Last night, I was ambitious and took a picture of Leslie's 4 Mile Walk. She totally kicked my butt. So tonight I gave her another shot, and I made it through!

Then I was tired so I decided to watch the intro. There I found her 10 -Day Challenge. She challenged me to do the 4 Mile Video every day for 10 days. I can do that. I can commit for 10 days. So I'm in. Starting today. 10 days.

And that got me thinking.

10 days. I'm not waiting until tomorrow or Monday or whatever. I am starting NOW.

And I challenge you to do the same.

Here's how it works.

1. Make a commitment RIGHT NOW to do SOMETHING for your HEALTH for 10 DAYS. It can be whatever you feel the need to commit to. Drink 8 glasses of water, no chocolate, exercising for 30 minutes, eating 5 vegetables, whatever. Leave me a comment to tell us what your goal is.

2. DO IT. As soon as you commit, not tomorrow (unless it's late) but TODAY. I'll be checking in on my blog, and I encourage you to check in on yours and link back to me.

3. EMAIL ME on your DAY 1 (hopefully Wednesday), 5 days in (Sunday) and at the end (next Friday) and let me know how you did! If you run a few days behind, that's cool. Just keep me posted. (QuestionsforDessert@gmail.com)

4. Everyone who met their goal at the end will be put into a hat/bowl/tennis shoe and I'll have Nathan choose a winner at random. Prize is yet to be determined, but you'll love it. I'm leaning toward a gym-mix cd or a copy of one of my home-made cookbooks. And after seeing this lovely chicken salad, who wouldn't want to play?

So, who's in?

(This is my first non-song-lyric post title! It feels really strange.)

walking on sunshine

2008-05-12T19:31:00.004-05:00

My day in pictures.

My Monday morning weigh-in.My trip to the grocery store. Pretty healthy except for the Starbucks drinks. I'm weak. What can I say.
And this is our grilled ratatouille prior to grilling.
And this is our grilled ratatouille with almonds and goat cheese.
And this is my awesome chicken salad. Apples, onions, mandarin oranges, chicken, grapes, a smidge of mayo, and almonds.
And, after How I Met Your Mother, I have 4 fast miles with Leslie Sansone.
Happy Monday!

I'm holding loose and ain't letting go

2008-05-11T18:24:00.003-05:00

I had the most awesome weekend!

Nathan and I drove to Ohio to outlet shop and, most importantly, to see Fat Bridesmaid!

I mean, seriously. I was a nervous wreck. It was like going on a blind date. I stressed over what to wear. I was nervous about not living up to the expectations she had for me. We all know she is the coolest thing since Starbucks. That's a lot of pressure for me!

I had no idea we would get along like we did!

I really should have had a clue when we showed up in matching cream sweaters. It just got better from there. We had wonderful conversation, ate a healthy lunch at Subway, and shopped for about 7 hours. Seriously. My favorite purchase was our matching green Kate Spade wallets!
And then we shopped for sunglasses. She bought a rockin big black round pair. I was lucky to get Nathan into these. It was a great laugh. (I really just wanted him to put them on so he'd look like Matt Wertz.)
It was so sad to say goodbye! So we decided we are going to have another meeting, and invite you all along!

We are thinking Cincinnati. Probably zoo. Probably August. Who's in?

I know you have time to love me

2008-05-05T07:49:00.004-05:00

Today I have a terrible case of the LBGs (loose bubbly guts). It has resulted in a necessary sick day today. Nathan is joking me that I am going to poop myself into a coma. I sure hope not.

I have spent my morning so far ripping recipes out of magazines in order to simplify my kitchen. It is being overtaken by back issues of many magazines. I still cannot bring myself to get rid of my Rachael Ray or FOOD. But I'm doing well with Real Simple, Clean Eating, Southern Living, Cooking Light, and Body+Soul.

I will also share some highlights from the blogs that I read today:

Scale Junkie is giving away a bike!

FertileHealthy is on her way to ephiphany. My favorite quote from the post sounds just like me. "Despite my emphatic declarations last week, I haven’t really got off my ass yet." You have friend in me.

What are y'all doing today? Any good ideas for my I-Must-Stay-Within-10-feet-of-a-Bathroom day?

a hole in my pocket that's about her size

2008-05-04T17:32:00.005-05:00

Yes, I have been absent. I had the intention to figure things out. That still hasn't happened. But I have been gone long enough. I know this is the best place for me to figure things out. So I'm back.

I think it is important for me to explain why I was gone. I have a new friend from work. We've been good friends for about 3 months. I really like her. She provides tough love and pushes me. I share with her most of my "plans." I tell her that I won't wear my ring unless I work out. I tell her that I am seriously only having one Starbucks product a day. I tell her that I am bringing my lunch every day this week. I tell her that I am going to stay away from the mini Reese cups that inhabit the same drawer as our office supplies at work. Basically I make all the claims to her that I make here.

She has also lost 40 pounds or so since the fall. She's had some health problems, and in her commitment to her health, she's become a smaller person. I really admire her commitment and that she has given up red meat and dairy and fried foods.

So we were sitting at Starbucks one day for our mid-day coffee break. And she called me a liar. A liar. She said, in a joking but calling-me-out way, that she was tired of hearing about what I was going to do but then not follow through with. That was really hard for me to hear. And that has really sat on me for a while. She is my friend. My real-life friend. She struggles with her weight. And she called me out, and I did not have an adequate response.

I was unable to think of a reason, then, that I should subject my fellow bloggers to my "lies." So I avoided my blog for a while. And I avoided reading all but a few of my fellow bloggers. In the meantime, I did okay. I have eaten pretty well. My weight is stable. I am exercising about three times a weeek. My house is clean. I am cooking regularly again. I am still letting my hair grow. I am really enjoying this spring in ways I don't remember enjoying season changes in the past. My grandfather's health has been touch-and-go the past few weeks, but I think I have handled that pretty well too.

I have been looking for a reason to get back to blogging. I have been looking for some truth to spout back to you guys - something other than the "lies" I don't follow up with.

And then, today, I have a reason. I beat her in putt-putt. I actually beat her, her friend, and my husband. So there. I'm not back because I had an epiphany, or because I lost a pound, or because I found a new exercise I love. I'm back because I kicked the ass of my reason for not blogging. And she knows none of this. (I told you I had a blog - did you find it?)
So, guys, thanks for sticking with me. I'm not making any empty promises today, but I'm sure they are not far behind. All that matters is that I'm back!

(And I'm really looking forward to outlet shopping on Saturday!)

crooked souls trying to stay up straight

2008-04-28T20:43:00.003-05:00

I am still not really feeling clarity about what my blog should be - and I am still struggling with an inability to commit to my weight loss/health journey.

But I love my fellow bloggers. And I feel guilty for reading and not producing reading material.

So I decided to go back to a true and trusted friend: iPod Roulette.

Hit shuffle. Admit to the first 10 songs that pop up. Here goes.

1. Shadow Proves the Sunshine - Switchfoot. Such a great song. Second Switchfoot favorite only to Daisy. I always imagined this would be an awesome song to run to. I haven't found out - yet.

2. Wasting Time - Jack Johnson. This song was our introduction to the great Jack (although we were severely disappointed by his latest cd). This song will always remind me of driving along old 12 at the Outer Banks.

3. Steven's Last Night in Town - Ben Folds Five. Such a fun song with the piano and the clarinet and the ringing phone at the end...

4. She's Gone - Hall and Oates. One of the best late-night-driving-with-the-windows-down songs ever. This song will always be one of the many that I associate with high school and the four of us...even though I graduated in 1996.

5. Once Upon a Time - Buscuit Burners. We saw them at Woodsongs a few weeks ago. A strange mix of bluegrass and Middle Eastern. But tons of fun. They are from Asheville. 'Nuff said.

6. Lord, Save Me from Myself - Jon Foreman. Oh my. This (so far) 3 EP set from the lead of Switchfoot is amazing. Such heavy rotation in my car right now. I need to throw myself into an attitude of humbleness and listening, and these cds put me there.

7. Hold You in My Arms - Ray LaMontagne. I would have preferred his cover of Gnarls Barkley's Crazy, but this will do. He is another one of my newer favorites. Good stuff.

8. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson. We are so fragile. Sing it, Ingrid. (My Farley Cat just walked across the computer without touching a single key. I was amazed, so I thought I'd share.)

9. All Along the Watchtower - DMB. Best. Cover. Ever. Any version. If you don't know every word, shame on you.

10. You're Beautiful - Paul Wright. Such a great praise song. It keeps me humble too.

What's your random 10? Please share in the comments. I love finding new music...and being reminded of old random favorites!

in your pocket you carry devotion

2008-04-18T21:59:00.002-05:00

"I've been so long silent so when I spoke I would know it was truth." ~Peter Mulvey

I still need to be silent for a while.

as long as it ain't the one she left

2008-04-16T22:21:00.003-05:00

Okay. So today was tough at work. You know when you think you know how to do your job and then someone comes and pulls the rug out from under you? Yeah. Today was tough at work.

So my work buddy and I decided to road trip to Louisville to...the Cheesecake Factory! Huge success there: half of my salad and half of my cheesecake. I pretty much rock.

Then on the way home, I called Nate (he comes home tomorrow!) and was telling him that I was running late, and I was really tired, and he reminded me that I can't wear my ring tomorrow unless I exercise tonight. I pouted and stuff.

I get home. I change the litter. I start a load of laundry (my co-worker gave me some of her fat clothes that I can wear!). I do 25 minutes of yoga/pilates. Because I rock.

Now I must sleep. Nathan comes home tomorrow!

say what you need to say

2008-04-14T20:23:00.002-05:00

The first time I heard that song, I thought he said, "Santa needs a Saint." I'm so glad I had Nate to clear that up for me.

Speaking of Nathan...he's in Georgia until Thursday. Not only do I miss him, but I am generally uneasy about being in the house by myself. Not just this house, but any house. I plan on reading myself to sleep. And since we got up at 4:45 to have him to the airport this morning, I don't think that will be difficult.

I went shopping today. Per my agreement with Nathan, I bought nothing. What is our agreement? No new clothes until I am down a size. So either 16 in pants or Large in tops. I got a pair of 16s to fasten today, and I even took a picture, but I won't curse you with that image. It's a good motivator for me.

Speaking of motivators, I think I may have found one.

Remember recent post where Nathan bought me a beautiful ring. I love it. It's heavy enough for me to be be aware that it is there. I got many compliments on it today. I love it.

And it needs to be a reminder that I love myself and that I am making good choices. So...

(After giving myself a bye today since I am so tired and sleepy...)

I am only allowed to wear my precious ring if I have exercised the night before. So every day, I earn it. And I remind myself that I deserve to make good choices, and move my body, and put good things in my mouth.

But I am wearing it tomorrow even though I didn't work out tonight. I had the brainstorm too late.

Now I'm off to hopefully finish "In Defense of Food." I can't wait to tell you all what I have learned!

Have a great night!

for all redemptive measures

2008-04-13T18:35:00.003-05:00

I decided to weigh today because Nathan has to be at the airport at 6 tomorrow morning, and I didn't want to forget. And I'm even showing my naked toes.

Nathan will be at the beach most of this week for a conference. I will continue to work.

I know/am pretty sure that this is a slight gain from my last weigh in. I really don't mind. I have pretty much thrown caution to the wind. BUT we went to the gym yesterday, and I have not had any chocolate cake/ice cream cake/mini Reese cups/M&Ms/potato chips since Friday. So that's progress.

I am back to my food blog on Tryin' On A Brand New Dress. I didn't have pictures of everything today, but it's better than nothing.

Crap! But I'm still on blog vacation. Don't tell anyone I was here!

neither is the rain

2008-04-12T18:42:00.003-05:00

I was talking with Fat Bridesmaid the other day, and she requested pictures of my fake/flea market purses. So here you go!
And, today, Nathan bought me new jewelry! I love Vera Wang at Kohl's!
I am working up a good blog for my official return from blog-vacation on Monday. I just couldn't resist stopping by to show you a few pictures!

so when I spoke I would know it was truth

2008-04-07T19:29:00.003-05:00

After a year plus of mostly uninterrupted blogging (excluding the moving = no internet fiasco), I have decided to take a vacation. It's pretty outside, I've got a lot of things I'd like to do, and I sometimes catch myself procrastinating by blogging and reading the forty-some blogs that I have in my reader.

I don't know how long I'll be gone. I promise no more than a week without checking in.

I am not quitting. As a matter of fact, I have had a great day today. Starbucks for breakfast. Chicken, veggies, and rice for lunch. Chicken sausage and corn for dinner. Apple and nutella for a snack. We walked for about an hour around the neighborhood, and then I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes. I feel really good today.

I will miss you! You haven't seen the last of me!

watch us as we ride

2008-04-06T19:25:00.002-05:00

Let me tell you about my weekend:

Nathan turned 30.

What does that mean?

3 hours of sleep. Pepsi. Salt and vinegar chips. Home cooking. Birthday cake. Bologna sandwich. Chicken salad sandwiches and barbecue chips. More birthday cake. Sausage biscuits. More bologna sandwich and barbecue chips. Still more birthday cake. Frozen coffee drink. Chips and salsa. Cheesecake.

I weighed Friday morning before all the craziness and I had actually lost a little more than a pound since Monday. I'm sure I won't see the same numbers. Especially since I have messed up my poop cycle. Oh well.

Don't get me wrong. The weekend was awesome. It started with the Punch Brothers on Thursday night. The show was great and we (a group of 7 late-20's early 30's) almost got into a brawl with 2 older gentlemen who took the seats of others about our age during intermission. I don't know the last time I felt so much adrenaline. And so proud for standing up for what was right...even though it was really none of my business.

Anyway, the concert was awesome, ending with autographs and getting to meet Chris Thile. Very good times. And Nathan and I held our composure well. I thought we'd sound like bumbling fans, but we were cool.

I also bought some awesome (counterfeit) purses this weekend. But don't tell anyone!

I am excited about this week. No evening plans. No excuses not to eat better and go to the gym. And it should be pretty enough for us to ride our bikes!

It's time for me to drink a ton of water to get rid of some of this sodium.

I'll face the scale in the morning, and I'll let you know the damage.

never trust a big butt and a smile

2008-04-02T18:27:00.003-05:00

Oh! I had another thought!

So Clinton (as in my friend from What Not to Wear) is going to be at the Fayette Mall in Lexington on April 11 at 1pm.

I thought it sounded like an excellent time for a Central Kentucky Blogger Event! I think I am gonna try to get a ticket. Anyone local or able to make the trip and accompany me? I am going to get tickets on Friday morning, so let me know by tomorrow night and I'll get them together!

and I know he watches me

2008-04-02T17:55:00.003-05:00

Okay, let me explain where I have been.

I know that usually when I skip a few days it can mean nothing but bad.

BUT...

Nathan's 30th is Friday. And, in celebration, this is our week of concerts!

Monday night we saw Shawn Mullins (of Lullaby fame) and the Biscuit Burners at a local radio show. They were both really REALLY good.

And then, last night, Kent accompanied us to dinner at Natasha's (I had goulash) and to a show of the Sparrow Quartet, featuring Abigail Washburn and Bela Fleck. It was an awesome show. And I learned that I can get drunk from a glass and a half of wine. I am seriously pathetic.

And tomorrow we head to Cincinnati to see the Punch Brothers again (the new band from the guy that played mandolin in Nickel Creek). The most exciting of them all!

There are tons of links up there...Check them out!

I have had challenges and struggles the last few days. I have not had the opportunity to exercise due to crazy schedule. I ignored Free Popcorn at the hospital yesterday - even though I walked by it no less than 10 times. I have had beautiful salads for lunch, and sensible dinners. I did have an IC Mocha from Panera today, but I'm good with it.

Now it's time to help Nathan grill! Coffee-crusted pork chops and sweet potatoes. Yummm...

kinda like Nashville with a tan

2008-03-31T20:18:00.003-05:00

Happy Weigh Day!

Yeah, so I haven't really been 100% (barely 40%) on health task the last 2 weeks. And what happens? I'm down .2. So what would have the scale said if I had been on program? We'll see next week!Felicia posted over the weekend about what her blogging area looks like. I thought it was a very cool idea and decided to do the same. You should play too!

This is my Dr. Suess chair. We got it for Christmas and I love it. I feel like a little kid sitting in it. We have a desk downstairs, but we tend to use the computers on the main level.
And this is what I see from my chair! The computer, my glass of water (I have another beside me now), and the tv.
Let's see where you sit!

it was magic at first when they spoke without sound

2008-03-30T16:30:00.004-05:00

I have made a conscious effort to avoid two things on this blog.

1) My occassional use of the eff-dash-dash-dash word.
2) Any 3-letter abbreviation. No offense to those of you who use them, I just can't pull them off.)

But, in honor of our trip to one of the whole foods stores, I only have one thing to say.

WTF?

You see this picture?

A can of beans, a can of artichokes, ball of mozzarella, almond butter, currants, cranberries, almonds, asparagus, sunflower seeds, goat cheese, tortellini, spinach, dressing, 3 apples, 7 bananas, cherry tomatoes, and 4 Clif bars? $103.92.

So we freak out a little on the way to the car. I mean, I got really angry. I composed this whole blog in my head about reasons poor people are fat and unhealthy.

Only when I got the receipt out to type the total here did I realize that there is a $40.20 charge called "shipping key." Yeah. So we were overcharged $40. That doesn't make it as bad, since I had figured $60 in my head while we were shopping. (I'm good at that! I get it from my mom.)

So a post I had originally started as a rant about whole food stores has ended up being a post to remind you to check your receipts. Preferably before you leave the parking lot. 'Cause now we've got to trek back across town.

Happy Sunday night. (There is a lot of sarcasm in that statement. But I'm staying away from any word that starts with F.)

standing in the sunlight laughing

2008-03-30T07:12:00.002-05:00

I'm back!

Sorry if my absence the last few days has been worrisome. I don't know what got into me with my last post. I didn't stew in it very long, I just got busy.

Friday I went to work. I got home and we took a multi-hour nap. Watched a little tv, and went back to bed.

Yesterday we went to the bookstore, Target, the gym (go me! What Not to Wear was on!) and then to a surprise birthday party for Nate. It surprised me too! Pictures will come!

Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement! You all are wonderful!

'cause you're not anywhere that I can find you

2008-03-27T20:17:00.004-05:00

Every day, I try to be more like Nathan. He is more patient than I am. He never gossips or says a negative word about anyone. He is very rarely in a bad mood, or rude, or angry.

He is not judgmental, he doesn't beat himself up, he doesn't look back at things he could have done differently. He just is. He is content and stable and even.

On days (weeks, months, whatever) when I am kicking myself, I see just how different we are.

He does not let numbers define him.

He has been really kicking serious butt since the first of the year. He is eating really well and going to the gym every day. Even days like today when I sit on my rear when he goes. He doesn't really know how far he runs. He has no desire to get on the scale to see how much weight he's lost - and that's my assumption that he knew what he weighed before we started.

But I am obsessed with numbers. And I really hate numbers. I just can't be happy with them.

I stopped wearing a watch because I was being ruled by it. I always wanted more time, or time to pass quicker.

I hate stepping on the scale (and haven't done it in almost 2 weeks ) because I dread the feeling when the number stares back at me. Even if I do really well and have a decent loss, that doesn't change the fact that the number is huge and at least 45 pounds over my lowest adult weight. I don't feel like I am deserving of the love Nathan gives me, and a large part of that is due to the fact that at one point in our marriage, I weighed 175. And now I'm not even close. And I attach all the frustration to the number that peers at me from the scale. And that number becomes who I am.

I hate looking in the checkbook 'cause it reminds me that when I don't medicate myself with food, I medicate myself with stuff. Yes, I did need a new bra, and my new professional clothes for work, and new makeup. But I tend to hoard receipts in my purse, afraid that if Nathan knew how much I spend, he might not love me anymore. I know that is utterly ridiculous, but it's how I am. I hate going to the grocery store without him 'cause I would hate to have to defend spending $75 on food. Although he reminds me everytime we go that he is eating at least half of it, and we have to eat, I feel like I am spending his money. I want to have better control over my spending, but I let the dollar amount that I spend define me. And, for totally unjustified reasons, I convince myself that that amount will somehow change Nathan's mind about me.

The numbers just keep kicking me. The number of minutes I exercise. It's never enough. And knowing that I can't reach the coveted 120 minutes today keeps me from exercising at all. The minutes/hours I watch tv each night remind me that I have a tendency to be lazy and sedentary. How many calories are in something. How many Starbucks drinks I drink in any given day (very rarely more than 2). The number of minutes it takes me to drive to work - and why it takes so flipping much more time to drive home. How many minutes it takes me to get ready in the morning. How many days it's been since I shaved (I think it's been 10 days - the night before my last weigh-in). I get obsessed with the number of hits or comments this blog gets. If it's down, I wonder if that's because people have given up on me, or if I am not interesting enough for people to want to read about.

I am stuck. Stuck. I am tired. And I have 5 loads of laundry to put away. I should get to work.

remember to always think twice

2008-03-25T20:19:00.003-05:00

Brief thoughts:

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers for my grandfather. He avoided pacemaker surgery, but he had exploratory surgery yesterday. It may be cancer, it may be infection - we won't know for a few days still. But he was in great spirits and hilarious with bathroom humor. It was great to see him. I also think that my grandmother has made peace with his health, and that makes me feel more okay with everything.
Papaw's big request this weekend was for the grandkids to still have Easter dinner. As the oldest grandchild, and one of the only 3 granddaughters, that job fell to me. With one evening to plan and picky country eaters, we ended up with ham, green beans, baked beans (with lots of brown sugar) and macaroni and cheese. I realized that not only do I hate to eat like that, I hate to cook like that.
Between Easter dinner and Nathan's mom's sweets, I decided not to weigh yesterday.
I haven't been to the gym since last Tuesday. And I didn't go tonight. Even though Nathan did. He's actually there right now.
We don't have a fridge yet at work - or at least that's the excuse I'm using for eating lunch out. I had a personal sized pizza today. Did I mention that I ate exactly half of it? I'll take any small victories where I can get them.
I don't know what to do to get back to where I was when I was eating well and exercising and (surprise!) losing weight. I spend all day on my feet. All. day. I am so physically exhausted when I get home. And, as is, I get up at 6 so exercising in the morning is not an option for me. I'm not even motivated by television any more. Any brilliant ideas? I'll try anything!

and it's all for the love of thee

2008-03-21T21:58:00.004-05:00

We went to church tonight. The music was beautiful. It was a beautiful sermon, asking us to try to imagine the scenes that occurred the last week of Jesus's life. It was such a moving sermon, helping me see Jesus as a person, and what people actually saw when they saw Him. Mr. Preacher Man showed several images to remind us the power of pictures.

This one breaks my heart. She wanted to sleep beside her husband one last time. She was playing his favorite songs. I cannot even imagine.I cried the remainder of the sermon. This picture so evoked my love for Nathan. We left church several hours ago, and I still don't think I could look him in the face without losing it again.

And I cried because grandfather is in the middle of a struggle with cancer. He is in the hospital and is having surgery again tomorrow. The fact that my mother is giving me limited information tells me that there is a lot I do not know. We are headed home in the morning, so I will get to see him tomorrow. I know my Papaw is a man of great faith. My heart breaks for my Mamaw. He is all she has ever known. I don't like to ask a lot of you guys, but I would appreciate any prayers you could send his way. I wanted to share a picture of them from my Mamaw's baptism.I hope you all have a wonderful Easter. I will be enjoying my family. I hope you do as well.

it's who you're with that really matters

2008-03-20T21:07:00.004-05:00

All I have to say is that I have awesome people in my life.

Let me tell you why my husband is awesome. He totally rocked dinner tonight. (Check it out here.) He went to the store, and then he ran the grill. While at the store, he also decided to buy goodies for the food pantry at church. Did he get crap? No. He bought organic applesauce. He cares enough about little kids he doesn't know that he will buy them organic applesauce. Yes, I know I am the luckiest girl alive.

I also love my dear buddy, Kent, whose picture will not be posted today due to inappropriate text messages. Not only do I roll my eyes, but I keep the world from seeing you. (Ha!)

I love my blog buddies too! It is so strange how I know people that I have never seen. Tonight we were hosts to the lovely Sarah. It was so good to see you! I hope we didn't keep you out too late!

I know how incredibly blessed I am. We need to plan a trip to Ohio soon...

We are going home-home for the weekend (ie staying with parents), so I don't know what blogging will be like, but I'll be back on Monday at the latest!

Have a happy Easter!

a fruit picker who arrived here after the harvest

2008-03-19T21:14:00.002-05:00

My hair is growing! I was actually able to use a straightener! I am thrilled!

However, I am not thrilled about the weather. How in the world does a forecast of mid-50's turn into 35 degrees? Where did spring go!

I am also excited to see Sarah tomorrow for dinner!

I have a new mission. I know I have a new mission every week (notice the mystery italics again!), but I'm ready to commit again!

Five years ago Monday (03.17.03), I started WW. I weighed 221.

When I got married on 07.19.03, I weighed 200. Even.

So for my 5th anniversary, I am going to be back at 200. Amen.

That means I have 4 months to lose 19.8 pounds. I am seriously thinking about bringing my wedding dress back from my Mom's this weekend and seeing how far it is from fitting.

My plan is simple: I am sticking to my "only 5 pronounceable ingredients" guns. I will record everything I eat in Sparkpeople. I will continue to photograph and post everything I eat. I am also going to exercise 5 days out of 7.

That's it. (And italics disappear again!) Sounds simple enough, eh?

lady in red

2008-03-18T18:32:00.004-05:00

I've spent the last several minutes trying to post my food journal without success. But it should be up tomorrow!

So I weighed yesterday...at 219.8! Yay! That is my lowest weight in 2008 AND I am in the teens! I am very excited about that! I stayed mostly on plan last week, but had some challenges, mostly in the form of free lunches at work. Today I totally ignored the spread of donuts and bagels at training this morning. I did indulge slightly at lunch today. I got a cafeteria voucher only good for today, and there was nothing that looked good, so I ended up having a lot of salad with 3 chicken fingers and honey mustard dressing. I realize it wasn't a great choice, but I am going to the gym tonight. So I'll take it. It was a great flashback to my typical lunch from my college days.

I am really trying to eat better - more whole and healthy foods. I am REALLY trying to only eat foods with ingredients I can pronounce, with no more than 5 ingredients, and no "hydrogenated."

Thus, after grabbing my favorite condiment to put on my eggs tonight, I am in mourning.I have been a ketchup snob. My mother and I have an ongoing Heinz vs. Hunts battle (almost as epic as the under/over toilet paper debate). I L.O.V.E. ketchup. I do not know how to make that more clear. Heinz ketchup goes on everything.

But it has 7 ingredients, including high fructose corn syrup. I don't know a lot, but I'm pretty sure that's not good for me. And that really sucks.

So I am kissing my ketchup goodbye - for special occassions only. It's not like I eat a lot of things anymore that need ketchup. I don't even know the last time I had it. But it sure is good.

Maybe the Starbucks drink is next...

who'm I gonna cling to when the room spins

2008-03-16T18:48:00.002-05:00

Today has been awesome.

Started with the African Children's Choir at church.

I ate well (check out my food journal blog) and I cooked dinner (recipe blog is new as well!) and now we're going to the gym!

That's all I have to say about that.

I'm not really ready for tomorrow to be Monday, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Tomorrow is weigh day! I gotta paint my toenails tonight to get ready!

places we've grown

2008-03-15T08:04:00.002-05:00

I'll admit it. I've been feeling pretty crappy about myself lately. I think I went to the gym three times this week. I've eaten way too many mini Twix bars and little bags of M&Ms. I've eaten lunch at Chipotle twice.

But you know what? That DOES NOT take away from what I have accomplished this year.

I am - and will be - proud of what I have accomplished.

I got a new job. A job that I like. I was unhappy where I was, and I did something about it.
I have lost 17.8 pounds. I am only 1 pound up from my lowest 2008 weight, when I had the flu and was probably dehydrated.
I have taken a picture of everything I have eaten. I have not posted them due to embarrassment, but I have continued to photograph every little thing I put into my mouth.
I have gone to the gym 3 times in 5 days. That's nothing to sneeze at. I have learned that I can go longer if I go harder. If I keep my heart rate on the lower end, I get burnt out and bored. The harder I go, the longer I can go.
Even when I have eaten out, I haven't thrown caution to the wind. Excluding the Bang Bang Shrimp at Bonefish last night, I have consistantly made the best food choices possible. (And I have eaten lunch out so much due to our trainers taking us out - and paying. I don't feel like I was at a point to duck out of lunches.)

Okay. So there's where I rock. And here's my plan of action.

Today I am making a grocery list so we can go shopping after church tomorrow. I will cook each night and take lunch the next day. I think one week lunches with important people is enough of a commitment.
I will figure out how to get myself to the gym. It may be by developing a schedule based around a television schedule and somehow getting myself excited about it. I may find some non-food reward for sticking to schedule. I need to get my calendar and stars back out. I'll figure out my system today.
I will post my food pictures on Tryin' on a Brand New Dress. No reason not to, really. I'll email them to myself as soon as I take them so all I'll have to do is upload them there when I post here for the day.

I get down on myself sometimes 'cause I'm not doing this as perfectly as I was when I wasn't working, and then I remind myself that I wasn't working. I had time and energy to make my health my total focus and commitment. And, since then, I was out of town for 2 weeks, had the flu, and have started a very exhausting (for the time being) job.

I have not gone away. I'm just trying to figure out my new way.

I smell like I sound

2008-03-14T20:36:00.001-05:00

I still have zero energy. I'm blaming it on the time change, or the walking around the hospital, or the 6am alarm clock. All I know is that when Nathan suggested going to the gym tonight, it took all I had not to cry. Instead, we are sitting here watching Indiana Jones and I am making a ringtone for my iPhone. ("Hungry Like the Wolf" for those of you who are curious.)

I hate being tired! I so want to go back to the gym. Tomorrow, I will. I promise.

no patience to search for peace of mind

2008-03-12T20:17:00.004-05:00

Random thoughts for today:

Our good friends, Denise and James, had a baby today! Welcome Kaya!
Work is stressful, but I am managing. I am actually liking it.
I got a personal-sized cheese pizza from the cafeteria for lunch. I ate half of it. Only half.
We have a huge amount of candy in our office. I only had a miniature Twix and a few peanut m&ms. Much better than yesterday.
I spent my entire shower this morning trying to figure out how I would tell my blog friends that I had decided to cut my hair. But I got two compliments from random strangers in elevators today, and then another from a friend at church. So Operation Hair-Grow-Out is still in effect.
My black pants, purchased 2 weeks ago, are getting baggy. And they are clean, not just stretched out.
I am still not eating particularly well, but portions are still pretty small. And, with the current hecticness of work, I think I am doing the best that I could do. (Can anyone tell me what keys I hit on my Mac to make it italic? And why it doesn't go away when I click on the italic i thing up there?)
Have I told you all that I totally kicked butt at the gym last night? Well, I did.
Are you guys as irritated as I am that they didn't show the results on Biggest Loser last night? I spent like 10 minutes today trying to recount who got voted off to a co-worker, totally irritated that I couldn't remember - just to realize that there was nothing to remember. I need closure.
Okay. Now does anyone know why it un-italicized when I did nothing differently? Whatever.
My body is not responding well to the time change. I am having a very hard time getting out of bed. So I'm going to bed at 9:30 to try to help that out.

whenever it's real

2008-03-11T20:11:00.002-05:00

I am not hiding! I am just busy!

This is the first week that I am doing work - I've been training for what seems like forever. Since it is a brand new contract at the hospital, we've got a lot to do other than just work - setting up the work stations, figuring out the computer system, making nice with social workers, etc. That is making for long days. And when I get home and go to the gym, it doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging. But things will settle down I hope!

I have been making the best food decisions possible. Our bosses have been taking us out for lunch. I had a veggie burrito yesterday and a small slice of veggie lasagna for lunch today. I really couldn't have made much better choices. Really. I did have 2 mini Twixs today, but I avoided pastries for breakfast!!

I am still keeping up with y'all

you wish you could fly

2008-03-10T20:41:00.001-05:00

I am very tired today.

But I am 221.2! Go me!

I'm not saying....I'm just saying

2008-03-09T18:39:00.002-05:00

Today has been full of fun!

We went to church, and then out to lunch (where I had a veggie omlette). Then we went to the mall where I bought a fabulous green jacket (pictures will come) and an awesome black bag. Then we came home, had leftovers (apple butter pork chop and rice), and cleaned the house. Now it's time for the gym! That's why this will be brief.

I usually hate the time change - and I realize I'm only one day in - but I don't feel like crap yet.

Tomorrow is weigh day - as is every Monday - and I'm dreading it. I have gotten back on track, but it was a very difficult week. I am not looking back! Tonight I'm doing elliptical, and weights, and coming home to a clean house!

a bell to ring me to my knees

2008-03-08T11:31:00.003-05:00

This is the view from our back deck. I know it's not a lot of snow, but when you don't get a lot, it doesn't take much to shut everything down.

Boo! The Punch Brothers concert we were going to tonight has been canceled! But, in reality, it is probably a good thing 'cause I think we would have killed ourselves trying to get there. The show was in Louisville (a little over an hour away), and they have about a foot of snow. So it's all for the best.

So our plan for an exciting day has been changed to a lazy day around here. We tried to go to Barnes and Noble for some coffee and browsing, but they closed at noon. So we are just gonna hang out here for a while, and walk to the gym later! I've got plenty to keep me busy - between putting laundry away, preparing for work on Monday, and some random cleaning that REALLY needs to be done, I think I'll be alright.

I love lazy Saturdays!

Be safe, all my Kentucky girls!

tonight's the night

2008-03-07T22:44:00.003-05:00

Wanna see how I spent my evening?

This is a lovely salad of pork, tomatoes, corn, cukes, lettuce, and home-made buttermilk ranch.And then I spent an entire episode of What Not to Wear at the gym!
Thank y'all SO MUCH for your encouragement. Your warm words (and kicks in the butt) made me shut up and get up. I love you guys!!

We are having some crazy "thunder snow" and lightning! It's such a weird combination! We're supposed to drive about an hour for a Punch Brothers concert tomorrow night, and I'm so nervous that we won't be able to make it!

Everyone stay safe out there. See you tomorrow with more healthy things to brag about!

save me from myself

2008-03-07T16:09:00.002-05:00

Yeah, so when you don't see me for a few days, it can only mean bad news. If something traumatic/dramatic is going on, know I'll stop by and tell y'all so you don't worry. But if I just go away, that means I am in denial and avoiding.

That's where I am today.

And I have nothing really to say for myself. I have laid on the couch while Nathan goes to the gym. I have had an increased number of Starbucks drinks. I have eaten bowls of cereal as late-night snacks.

And I just can't figure out how to get my life back together.

I'm guessing between green and grey

2008-03-04T20:44:00.003-05:00

I.
Am.
Irritated.

I was gone for several weeks. Then I had the flu.

(TMI ALERT!)

Now I have butt issues. I am uncomfortable sitting, or moving, so there is no gym in my future tonight.

Did I mention that since I got home from work, I have eaten a sensible dinner, two bowls of cereal, a 2-point cupcake, and a Clif bar?

I WANT MY HEALTH BACK!!!

(But I LOVE my new job!)

place them in a box until a quieter time

2008-03-03T19:08:00.006-05:00

I love March. Why you ask?

1. My oldest friend, Jenifer, hits the big 3-0 today. She can't call me old anymore! Happy Birthday Jen!

2. I weighed in this morning for a significant gain. 222.8. I am okay with this. I know that I ate pizza last night and I only exercised one time last week. I also weighed last in the middle of a bout with the flu, so the number was probably due to lack of food and dehydration. BUT I had a salad for lunch today and I am going to the gym to watch John and Kate Plus 8 tonight!

3. I am HOME. I will not be staying with my parents or some hotel in Atlanta. I have my food in my kitchen and my gym. We are starting our week of salads tomorrow. I love cooking!

4. It was 71 degrees today. I know it'll probably be snowing tomorrow, but I am so excited that spring is on the way. I drove home from work with my windows partway down and radio blaring. I love spring.

5. Remember last fall how we had our grand Nickel Creek tour? Well, their mandolin player has a new band, the Punch Brothers, and we are seeing them 3 times this spring, with 2 of them being in March.

6. Another part of being home is increased time with my honey. Not only is my husband really cute, but he's really smart as well. We had this lovely conversation yesterday.

Me: See this sweater I'm wearing? It's a large.
Him: I wear a large! You tell me all the time how skinny I am, so the large means you're skinny too!

I love his logic.

we live in a beautiful world (yeah we do)

2008-03-02T21:55:00.004-05:00

I am channeling my dear friend Marie today.

The good:

I went to the gym this morning. I rocked the treadmill.

I felt really cute today, so I took my picture in the bathroom of the bookstore.I thought Nathan was cute and nerd-like, so I took his picture as well.
The bad:

Our dear friend Kent came over for dinner. We agreed on pizza. So I had three slices of pizza for dinner. And some barbecue chips.

The ugly:

I totally forgot that I get to weigh-in tomorrow morning. It will probably be really bad. But I'm sticking to it.

both of our hands

2008-03-01T20:13:00.004-05:00

It is so good to feel better! It was also a sunny, not-cold day here in Kentucky. We joined with our pal, Kent, and took a short drive today to the town we moved from. We spent the day at Shaker Village. (Seriously, check out the link - it is beautiful.)

Here we are in one of our famous arm-length shots...
And here are a few scenery shots.

And I have about a thousand pictures of building interiors, but this one is one of my favorites and I take the same picture each time I go.
We had such a great day!

We went to church tonight, and I have a lot to share. But I'll do that tomorrow. I don't have time tonight - we're getting ready to go to the gym!

Oh, and check my food and recipe blogs. I'm updating them right now!

have a seat by me

2008-02-29T20:41:00.003-05:00

Today was the best bonus day ever!

I went to the mall and bought nothing! Then we had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory where I ate less than half of my lunch-size salad, with dressing on the side. I rock.

Then I came home and cleaned the downstairs bathroom. And transferred all our pictures and music to our new computer.

Then I cooked ratatouille. Recipe will be posted tomorrow. It was great.

Then we went shopping - Best Buy, Gap, the wine store, etc. - and all we bought was an iTunes card.

Good bonus day.

Nathan is getting ready to go to the gym. I know I need to go. I just can't make myself do it. I am exhausted. But I'm going to finish cleaning the upstairs bathrooms and unpacking from Atlanta. So I'll have nothing to procrastinate with tomorrow.

I WILL go to the gym tomorrow. I will post my recipe. I will take food pictures and put my food into sparkpeople. Amen.

both of our hands are equaly skilled

2008-02-28T21:56:00.003-05:00

I may have taken a slight detour. A detour that led me away from home from February 3 to February 20. And then knocked me on my butt with the flu from the day I returned home until yesterday.

But I have a map.

Tomorrow is Leap Day. And it is Krissie Day. When I got my life together, I didn't wait until New Year's Day, I attacked on New Year's Eve. And I'm not waiting until Easter, or March 1st, or Monday or whatever.

I'm making some improvements tonight:

I cooked dinner.
I washed 2 loads of laundry.
I transferred all our pictures to our new computer.
I am getting ready to clean the kitchen.

And February 29 only happens once every four years, and I am going to rock it. Tomorrow better watch out!

I am going to the gym!
I am going to clean the rest of my house.
I am going to inventory my Goodwill box (for tax purposes) and get it out of the house.
I am going to transfer our iTunes to our new computer.
(I have tomorrow off.)

I know things have been difficult, but all I have wanted is to feel healthy enough to get back on track. And I am there. My throat is (very slightly) sore, but I'm sure it will be gone tomorrow. I can't wait!

And as an afterthought...

PLEASE HELP! I had a comment from SARAH a few days ago, encouraging me to go see someone at the Singletary Center (for free!) on Monday night, referencing my love for Matt Wertz. Can I have more info? I can't find anything going on at Singletary, but I'd hate to miss something cool! Help, Sarah!

baby's at the punchbowl

2008-02-27T16:35:00.003-05:00

I am doing the happy dance all over the place.

Why?

I feel a thousand times better. I didn't realize how bad I really felt until I felt better. I'm not 100% yet, but I'm a different person than I have been the past week.

I also didn't have work today. We don't start in our office until 3/10, so we're just doing different trainings until then. Well, our trainer was sick today, so we didn't have to go in. So we went shopping! I am starting to love shopping for clothes.

I got home and tried on absolutely everything in my closet. If it was too big, it went in the Goodwill box. If it was too snug, it went to our spare closet. Only what fits today hangs in my closet. I have a decent size box of clothes that are too big. I am wearing the jeans from this picture. I am a happy girl.

I'm getting back on the blogging wagon, I promise.

you say it's your birthday...

2008-02-26T16:55:00.002-05:00

Today is not my birthday, it's the first birthday of Questions for Dessert!

I am so amazed that I have actually been writing for a year - and even more amazed that such wonderful people read my ramblings and then provide such warm comments!

I really wanted to have something insightful/creative/celebratory for the big day, but I am still very much under the weather. I feel a ton better than I have, but I'm still getting ready to take a nap at 5pm. So, with a retrospective post in the near future, I will repost my very first post.

So this is it...I will be an "after." I am tired of being a "before." I look at all the magazines and feel terrible because the before picture looks just like me, and the after picture looks like something I can never attain. But I watched an episode of Oprah recently that discussed how changing the way I talk to myself can change the results I get. The show talked about how acting like I am already there (wherever I want to be) will help get me there. So today (as of this minute, forgetting even this morning), I am different.
I am a runner. My "run" last Friday at the park was hard, but great. And only a runner could finish that. (I delete comment that could be negative...)
I am respectful to my body. I am eating foods that my body will use as fuel. I am eating in a way that is not harmful to my body and that is preserving the body I have been given. I do not hurl insults at my body and I do not berate it for not looking the way I feel it should.
I am honest. I do not lie to myself about what I eat. I do not (to quote Izzy from Grey's) believe that if I eat a whole tub of butter and no one sees me, the calories do not count. I am writing down what I eat, even when it is ugly, and seeing mistakes as chances to learn and grow. It's about time I started using my counseling skills on myself, right?
So that's where I'm starting. Today. I am an after.

And I'm still working on this. Every day.

bubbly toes

2008-02-25T20:32:00.002-05:00

What we have all been waiting for...
This means that since New Year's Eve, I have lost 18.8 pounds! I am so proud!

I am still feeling pretty darn sick, so I am going to bed. And I just got up from a nap...

a tune we both should know

2008-02-24T18:08:00.002-05:00

I have mostly gotten over the baby blues of yesterday. Thanks for the support.

I am still feeling very flu-ish. Sore throat. VERY sore throat. But I had several weeks of uninsured time, and my new insurance doesn't kick in until 3/1. So I've just taken stock in cough drops UNTIL I saw that there are 15 calories in each! I bet I've had 10 today! I am so irritated!

Nathan is continuing to go to the gym. I am happy for him, but jealous. I managed to do some yoga today, just so I could feel like I am doing something. I felt more relaxed, and frustrated that I was getting winded from stretching. So that removed any doubt that I am still sick.

I go back to work tomorrow, after having Thursday and Friday off to "recuperate" from Atlanta. I just got lucky 'cause I would have taken sick days anyway. I know I have to go tomorrow. To prepare, I did some pampering: painting my toenails and cleaning up my eyebrows. I think waxing hurts more when I'm sick. BUT my toenails are a major accomplishment. Not only do they look better than they usually do when done by me, but they were much less difficult! Kinda like my panty hose experience, there was no grunting or straining involved!

And I am not wasting pretty toes. As of tomorrow, I am breaking my Scale-Free February. It was good while it lasted, but I'm a little panic-y. I haven't really exercised in about 10 days. I haven't been eating a balanced diet at all. But I have been pretty sick. And I got enough comments to my before-and-during pictures that I am very curious as to where I am. So, as of tomorrow, I am back to my Monday morning weigh-ins.

she's somebody's baby girl

2008-02-23T23:06:00.003-05:00

This isn’t something that I focus on often, but I do throw it in the occasional post. Why do I keep it so casual on my blog? A lot of reasons. I don’t want pity. I don’t want advice. I don’t want questions.

But that’s not fair. I’m being transparent here. So here it is.

I have a renewed desire to improve my health. I went to a baby shower today.

I want a baby.

It seems like forever (but actually about two years and change) that we have been doing the baby dance without any preventative measures. I don’t say that we’re “trying” because that would imply that we are failing. And that is not acceptable to me. I choose, instead, to believe that we are just waiting for God to give us a child.

The waiting has been very hard for me. Through prayer (and reasoning due to family health history) (and discussions with Nathan), we have decided that medical means are not for us. I admire those who have medical assistance to conceive. I recognize the bravery and faith that go into that. I just feel like I have been called to have faith, and wait.

I know that I don’t always take the best care of myself. Heck, I weighed 239 pounds two months ago. If I can’t take care of the body that God has given me, why should I think that He would give me someone else to take care of?

In the past two months, I have learned how incredibly faithful my God is. I will not question that now. I know there is a plan for me. I know my God is big enough to give us a child if that is what He has for us.

And it’s that “if” that I sometimes have a hard time with.

Nathan has a hard time with my baby sadness. But I am totally content with my husband and our life together. If we never have a baby, I will be fine. I have stopped taking pregnancy tests when I am a few days late. I have quit interpreting every strange feeling in my body as a pregnancy hint. I have stopped buying pregnancy and baby name books, and I haven’t even unpacked them since we moved last fall.

But watching a friend open a plethora of pink packages reminds me that my arms are empty. And that I haven’t been able to see Nathan be the amazing father that I know he could be.

So is there any better motivation to get my health together?

But, to lighten things a little. here are a few artists renditions of our children. I asked Nathan to draw what our baby would look like, and was slightly disturbed. He couldn’t understand what he could have drawn differently, so I drew for him what I envisioned. I have hung on to these pictures for years. Have any idea which picture is from each of us?

Have a happy weekend, y’all. Hopefully I’ll feel better – flu-type stuff and general attitude – tomorrow!

my mind is dull and faded

2008-02-22T09:32:00.004-05:00

What I Learned in Greenup/Atlanta/From the Flu

Installment #3

What I Learned about My Body

I think I am starting to look a little different. The picture on the left is from Christmas Eve. The right is one day while I was in Atlanta last week. What do y'all think?
I am still full on smaller portions. So even when the food I eat isn't as healthy as I would prefer, I'm still only eating about half the quantity of what I was eating before Christmas.
I can now put on pantyhose without tugging and grunting and discomfort.
I look nice in "grown up" clothes, and I can fit in some Larges.
I like to move-it, move-it. Even when I didn't make it to the gym, I took a lot of walks. A few days, I walked to the point of getting a little sore.
My body hates to fly.
My body really hates to fly when it is sick.
Even when my throat hurts really bad, I still want to drink a ton of water.
The worst part of being sick is how nasty my mouth feels. It doesn't matter how much I brush my teeth, my mouth is just nasty. Blech.
I am a terrible, whiny sick person.

between green and grey

2008-02-21T10:42:00.004-05:00

Krissie is back from Atlanta. And Krissie has the flu. Bleh.

What I learned from Greenup/Atlanta
Installment 2
Random Stuff

I truly love my husband. Not in some kind of I-must-love-him-cause-I-married-him love, but I love him. He is my best friend and he takes such good care of me!
I hate to fly. I am moderately nauseous the entire time. I almost threw up on our flight there. And I drugged myself so I'd sleep on the way home. It didn't really help.
Flight + inner ear issues = total crap. I can't really hear today.
If your suitcase weighs more than 50 pounds, it costs $50.
I am going to love my job.
I am actually a pretty smart person.
I am loving that I have to dress like a grown up at my new job (mostly suits). I actually like shopping when I find things that zip!
I want to be healthy. I am really angry that I am sick. I wanted to go to the gym today.
I missed blogging terribly! I love my blog friends!

be gone with it

2008-02-19T07:37:00.003-05:00

What I Have Learned in Greenup/Atlanta

Installment 1

I'm Bringing Healthy Back

Not health related, but important. Tomorrow night, I will be in my own bed. With my sheets. With my husband. This is very exciting to me.
My food choices have been terrible. HOWEVER my portions have remained nice and small. I realized last night that I was full with half of my entree. I have just been overwhelmed and eaten what is convenient. But portions have still been very reasonable. I will just replace sweet and sour chicken with spinach quiche, and all will be okay.
I have walked a considerable amount each day. It hasn't been my typical exercise regimen, but I haven't totally fallen off. Actually, I was actually sore one night after a walk. So I've kept with it more than I thought. (And I've gone to the workout room twice!)
I am icredibly excited to get back to my program. I cannot wait to get back to the gym and the grocery store. I want to make pretty salads and stews.

One more night away to go! Happy Tuesday!

she walks in the sun to me

2008-02-16T14:21:00.002-05:00

Hello lovelys!

I am still safe and sound in Atlanta. I have mostly fallen off the wagon, but I have no sense of routine here. I have been taking substantial walks. But convenience has determined food more than healthiness. So, unfortunately, pizza and appetizers at the hotel have won out over trips to the grocery store. At least I haven't been eating out.

But we are in one of those "long stay" hotels. So to make it feel like home, we are welcomed back from training each day by warm, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. I'm guessing there won't be any today because it's Saturday. I guess that's a good thing.

I really miss Nathan. Valentine's Day was tough. Oh well. I'll be home on Wednesday.

I'm getting ready to walk to Starbucks and a little shopping. I've been doing homework all day. (This training is pretty serious.) At least it's warm here!

Have a great Saturday, everyone!

pink is my favorite crayon

2008-02-14T07:22:00.003-05:00

Krissie is very stressed.

Training has lots of homework, thus little time at gym.

Training also has Hershey miniatures, thus grey pants wereuncomfortable.

Furthermore, today MUST be different.

No snacking at training.

Back to taking pictures of everything even though I can't post them.

An hour at gym.

Amen.

dreaming of Mexico

2008-02-11T19:19:00.000-05:00

Excuse me for being brief, but I still don't have the iPhone typing down.
• Sunday's flight = very nausea-inducing.
• I went to the hotel gym last night!
• But I didn't sleep very well. Sore throat.
• I was very excited about lunch - chicken and veggies with rice. Butit was very greasy.
• I am cute today!
• I am really hoping I feel good enough to exercise later!

Sent from my iPhone

take this heart

2008-02-10T09:14:00.000-05:00

Well, guys, I am off to the airport. I'll be back a week from Wednesday. I have been assured that our hotel has a business area where I will be able to use a computer. I hope that is the case. If not, posts will be very brief, as I have only partially mastered the iPhone keyboard. And I don't have the heart to take the new computer with me - that would be too cruel to Nathan.

I have also decided that calorie counting will be next to impossible while I am gone. Thus, I have amended my February goals to include a shorter list of Atlanta goals:

I will exercise every day for at least an hour. It may be at the fitness center, it may be walking around the city, but for 60 minutes I will get my heart rate up and move it!
I will listen to my body's gauge and eat when I am hungry and stop eating when I am full.
I will continue to take pictures (and hopefully post) of everything I eat. That keeps me really accountable. If I don't want to take a picture of it, then I don't need to eat it.

Amen.

I will still be reading about you guys, but (pending business center) commenting may continue to be be reduced.

Thank you SO MUCH for the hair-growing-out support. I will probably be begging for more in a few weeks!

See you on the flip side! (which is hopefully tomorrow...)

all with strawberry curls

2008-02-09T09:45:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I have a confession.

I wasn't going to tell you about it, but Nathan says I have to.

But first...

Yesterday was an awesome day. (Just check out Tryin' on a Brand New Dress). I ate well. We split an awesome piece of organic carrot cake. I found a comfy pair of brown flats. I bought an awesome suitcase for my trip that will actually hold 10-days-worth of my stuff. We went to the gym. It was a good workout and I am looking forward to today's.

My confession?

I stepped on the scale yesterday.

I had not been "good" while staying with my parents. I hadn't exercised in four days. I thought stepping on the scale would show a gain and I would be accountable for it and move on. I thought of all the bloggers who have said that without the scale, they lose their accountability.

I decided I needed to do it. I needed to know. It wasn't a mindless thing, it was a decision. A decision I seriously pondered over.

And I lost. I'm not going to tell you how much because, honestly, I don't remember what the number was. I know what the number in my little scale-free picture says, I stepped on the scale with that number in mind. I saw a smaller number, felt very guilty, and jumped right off.And I have not been on the scale since.

So Nathan will hide the scale (but not with the chocolate chips - I know where they are!) and back on plan I will be.

I have also made the decision to grow out my hair. It will be a long, painful, not always pretty process. But I’m honestly gonna try. I may need your support on that as well.

Geez, I’m awful needy!

you will be the one screaming out

2008-02-08T08:36:00.000-05:00

Well, it's time for me to get honest.

The last few days have been terrible health-wise. I haven't been to the gym since Sunday morning. I have eaten a lot more than usual. I ate three times after 5 yesterday.

I'm glad I swore-off the scale for this month, or I would probably be a weeping puddle in the floor.

Why?

I have lost my routine. And, in total honesty, I have missed it severely.

I have spent this entire week staying with my parents (they live close to where I was training). My Dad likes to cook, and his idea of "healthy" is slightly skewed. But, I love him and I love food, so I indulge. And training is a little like vacation, and there is only one gym possibility and the thought of new gym is scary, so I didn't work out. And I have been working, and I was exhausted, and I just didn't make it a priority.

You know what? NO. I am not going to do this. I posted food pics most days I was home. Until yesterday's pizza debacle (where I had 3 small slices of pizza, about half a cup of spaghetti, 2 bites of a brownie, and NO DESSERT PIZZA and NO ALFREDO SAUCE), I did really well this week. I may not have made it to the gym, but I did walk around the hospital a lot.

I AM NOT A FAILURE. (I am yelling at myself here, ladies, not you.)

I guess what it comes down to is this: I am so disappointed by my food choices yesterday. For breakfast I had a Clif bar and a Starbucks drink. For lunch, I made one trip to a pizza buffet. Then I ran through a convenient store and bought a Starbucks drink and Swiss Cake Rolls. I never knew that the cake rolls were so nasty - I took one bite and that was all. Waxy and no real chocolate taste. I wasn't wasting calories on that. Then for dinner, I ate four small banana pancakes, split brie and fruit with Nate, and a small bowl of cereal throughout the evening. That's not so bad!

Okay, I just talked myself out of being down on myself 'cause I knew that's what y'all would have done.

But today I am home - until I fly out for Atlanta Sunday at noon. I am really hungry like the wolf right now, but I'm going to make a Starbucks run here in a minute. Then I need to buy a suitcase, a pair of cute brown flats, and get a haircut. We are going to the gym tonight - What Not to Wear is on at 9!

And, for anyone keeping score, Nate kept up the gym schedule while I was gone. Oh, and the picture of him a few posts ago is with the liner notes of the Billy Idol Christmas Album he got from his brother this Christmas. He used to really like Billy Idol. We went to his concert several years ago at Kings Island. I am just a little embarrassed to admit that, but that's what love is all about.

Oh, and we also got a new computer (thanks Dad!) that I'm learning how to use. Anyone got any cool hints for the MacBook that I may not know?

Happy Friday!

she parks her car outside of my house

2008-02-07T22:22:00.000-05:00

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment

Installment 4

What I Learned about Me

I had a great time being off work.

It was a great time of introspection. (There's the therapist in me!)

I learned that there is a wonderful blogging community that both inspires me and keeps me accountable.

I learned that I love the feeling of having leftovers put away and the kitchen being cleaned immediately after eating.

I learned that if there is closed caption on the tv on the elliptical machine, it makes me nauseaus.

I learned that my arms are pretty stinking strong.

I learned that I have a need to do something professionally. I have always thought that I could stay at home and be lazy all day. Any more time unemployed and I would have volunteered somewhere.

I learned that I can do what I set my mind to. I have discovered the chocolate chips Nathan hid, and have not had any! I have spent a great amount of time at the gym because I didn't give myself the choice to back out.

I learned that I can be incredibly motivated by stickers.

I learned that I really am a pretty good cook and my cooking instincts are trustworthy.

I have learned that I deserve to be healthy and happy.

And I'm going after it!

red hair with a curl

2008-02-06T18:19:00.000-05:00

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment

Installment 3

What I Learned about Nathan

I have the best husband ever.

I told him I was going to quit my job. I told him that I had done the math and we would be fine for a while.

He said, "Okay."

I told him not to worry, that I would find a job soon. That I would spend the interim time getting things in order: I'd keep the house clean. I'd clean out the junk drawers. I'd cook every day. I'd exercise.

He said, "Okay."

I was having chocolate chip issues. I asked him to hide the bag. He didn't call me crazy, or say it was stupid.

He just said, "Okay."

I told him that I had taken a job. It meant that I would be spending 14 nights in February away from home.

He said, "Okay."

I got a wild hair and decided that I wanted an iPhone. I knew that I had been out of work for 3 weeks, and a paycheck was still several weeks away. My phone was doing wonky things, but I told him that I knew I would have to wait a while, but I wanted to wait until we could get an iPhone instead of getting any old phone .

Then one night on the way home from church, he said that I should go ahead and get the iPhone. I was unsure. He said, "You want it. It's okay"

He is incredibly grateful of what I do for him. He notices. He gets me cards. He goes to the gym with me. He finishes off my plate when I am full. He scoops the cat litter. He loves me. No matter what.

And I say, "Okay."

(I miss you, honey!)

'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

2008-02-05T18:52:00.000-05:00

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment
Installment 2
What I Learned from "What Not to Wear"

During my unemployment, I spent a lot of time at the gym.

My motivation? What Not to Wear. I have fallen in love with Stacey and Clinton. I want them to be my friends. I want them to tear apart my wardrobe. I'm tempted to dress really badly as I slim down so that someone will refer me and they will come and see me! Somehow, I doubt that would all work out for me.

But, deep in the heart of their catty remarks are a lot of lessons.

1. There's beauty in the breakdown. The more difficult the process, the greater the transformation at the end. There was one episode where the girl was cute, she just wore sporty clothes all the time. She was eager to change, and she went from cute to really cute. But usually the person is incredibly resistant and goes from shockingly oblivious to stunning. Through the process, we get to see the tears fall, the insecurities crumble, and the self-esteem grow. That's what I like: the Cinderella story where the beauty was there all along. The process that must go on internally amazes me.

2. Change your focus. "It's not that my hips are freakishly huge, my waist is just tiny!" My favorite thing about the show is that there isn't a huge body transformation. No surgery or botox or anything fake. It's just about using what you already have. Stacey and Clinton do such a good job, in my opinion, of reframing negatives. It's not about focusing on what I hate (what belly?) but instead I need to accentuate what I know works (hello breasts!).

3. If the piece of clothing only works when you pair it with another piece, then it doesn't work at all. I have a closet full of clothes that can only be worn as a pair. I have to wear this shirt with these jeans to disguise my muffin-top. No, I cannot wear that sweater with that jeans or I'll show my crack to everyone. No, I have to wear this bra with this shirt or otherwise it won't button. I deserve better than buying clothes that need other clothes as accessories. My clothes should just fit. Amen.

4. If you get something cheap, people aren't going to think you got a bargain. They will just see that you are wearing cheap clothes. I am so tempted to take my in-between times and shop at the really cheap places - you know, where the clothes fall apart or shrink up the second time you wear them. I am going to try really hard to buy a few pieces of nice clothing (on sale of course!) and feel good when I am able to donate once they outgrow me. And I have found a high-end consignment store!

5. If you can wear it to the gym, you shouldn't wear it anywhere else. This is the concept that I am most guilty of. I used to wear my gray lounge pants to work. And then I'd sleep in them. I have been known to wear draw-string pants to work. I figure that my shirts are so long, no one will know. Besides, who expects a fat person to dress nicely? So all of my lounge pants have now been demoted and are no longer on hangers. It's baby steps.

And there you have it. Life lessons from tv.

this world's got nothing I need

2008-02-04T21:27:00.000-05:00

What I Learned from my 3-Week Unemployment

Installment 1

What I Learned about God

You know, it really took this time off to make me realize that my life is not my own.

God answers prayer.

I hated my job. HATED. The environment was very toxic. It was not a God-friendly environment. I was having a really hard time sharing my faith, or even allowing my faith to come out there.

I had wanted out for a month or so, but over my Christmas vacation I realized that the thought of going back was terrifying. I felt my career, my professional existance, was on the line daily. I really wanted to get a hold of that part of my life.

During that time off, I also read a lot of weight loss blogs, watched a Biggest Loser marathon (thanks to the tvs at the gym) and realized that I was also out of control with my health.

After a particularly difficult workout, I took a shower. As I stood naked in front of our bathroom mirror, I said out-loud, "God, if I had the opportunity, I could get my health where it needs to be. I just want some time, Lord, some time for me." I didn't know what that would mean and I couldn't dream of a way that would be possible.

I went back to work. For a week. It was terrible. Just constant uncomfort in the pit of my stomach terrible. The weekend came. I hoped my cell phone wouldn't ring. On Sunday, I saw an ad in the newspaper that a restaurant was needing help with catering. I really didn't think anything about it.

But, as I was getting ready that morning, again in the mirror, I told God that all I wanted was to give my notice that day. I almost laughed as I said, "And, if there's any way possible, I would love for this to be my last week." I stopped by the restaurant on my way to work, and was offered a job on the spot. When did they want me to start? The next week. So I gave my notice that day. And I was thankful. But incredibly nervous.

That night, I tried to pray about it. And God wouldn't let me. I don't know how to explain it, except He shut me down. Whenever my thoughts went to job in prayer, words would escape me. I know that should have comforted me, but it frustrated me and confused me further. Had I done the wrong thing and this was His response? Or was it comfort? I didn't know. And that scared me.

I applied for about 25 jobs on the internet.

And then my wallet got stolen. At work. Out of my purse, out of my desk. As soon as I realized it was gone, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, and I sent it to voicemail. Although the stolen wallet was a terrible inconvenience, it completely calmed me down. Somehow, that experience brought everything together. I knew I had done the right thing, and I stopped worrying.

I got home, checked my email, and it was about one of the jobs I had applied for. I spoke to an important lady, and the conversation went well. I knew, before I ended that conversation, that this was the job I would get. I knew little about the position, nothing about the company, and I knew it was the job I needed to pursue.

I got multiple other bites on my resume. I followed up with a few, but half-heartedly.

Because of my upcoming interviews, I did not take the catering job after all. And I was not worried.

I went to the interview for the job I knew I had. I rocked it. I knew I had stiff competition, but I knew I had the job. I was not afraid. I felt secure going into the interview. I went to another interview that day, but my heart just wasn't in it. It went well, it just didn't feel right.

I got the job I knew I would. I started today.

God took care of us.

Finances are going to work out perfectly (based on payment schedule of previous job and current job).

I kept my word - I got my stuff together. I am eating well. I am exercising. My house is pretty much clean. I used the time He gave me to do what I said I would do. And I totally forgot about that conversation until several days ago, when I was in the mirror expressing gratitude for my job.

God took care of us.

I feel like this is the time in my life I will always look back on as the time I turned my life around. The time that God made allowances for me to be the best keeper of my life that I could be. I have realized that He has given me everything - my body, my family, my job - and it is my responsibility to use it to His glory.

And I'm trying. Every day.

the right thing and the hard thing are the same

2008-02-03T08:20:00.000-05:00

Remember when I said that part of my Scale-Free February was not judging my success on a scale but on an outfit? Here it is. Yikes. Cover the eyes of any small children that may be around.

Yikes. But I still smile!

I consider these my "fat" skinny jeans. They are the jeans that are always a little tight - that I am 'this-close' to being able to wear in public. The ones that when paired with the right shirt are wearable. Well, I have paired them with my "Why did I buy a shirt too small?" shirt. (I bought it in the fall 'cause it was really cheap and cute, and I thought I could give it away if I couldn't wear it in the spring.) Yeah, that's not a nice look I have going there.

Bring it on, March! I'm ready for the after picture!

I'm checking blogs while I let my breakfast settle. Then I'm going to the gym, taking a shower, and leaving town for a few days. I'll only be on the road for about 2 hours. For my first round of training (Monday - Thursday), I'll be training in my hometown. So I'll be staying with my parents. My Dad just got an iPhone Thursday, so we'll play and learn together. He called me last night to ask what I wanted for dinner, and we discussed healthy options. I love my dad.

Have a great Sunday!

all your insides fall to pieces

2008-02-02T08:06:00.001-05:00

Let me just tell you that you - my lovely blog readers and commenters - blow me away. I am consistantly shocked at how many of you read my ramblings, and then how many of you have enough of a reaction to me to actually say something in response. Amazing. I am so happy to have you guys, and you are seriously what keeps me going. I don't eat the chocolate chips that Nathan hid (I found them while looking for a printer cartridge) 'cause I don't want to have to tell you and have you be disappointed. You keep me on the straight and narrow, and I appreciate that very much.

One thing I haven't been very good at is answering questions that appear in comments. I'm going to do so now.

Let me start by talking some about my Scale-Free February. I will be staying at places other than my home for 15 days in February. That is a huge part of my motivation. I know scales often disagree with each other, and I really didn't want my scale taking up valuable suitcase room. And I didn't want to stress myself out with my fluctuations on different scales. And then came the frustration of the lack of movement despite my hard work. Thus, the decision was made. I want to focus on health, and I am judging that by meeting my food intake and exercise goals. If I'm doing this thing right, the scale will catch up eventually. If not, I'll still be much healthier for it!

So, on to the questions.

Yesterday, Sarah P asked

I just noticed you said you will out of town for most of it.. OMG I will go through withdrawls- will you be able to post while your training for the new job. (Which have you told us yet what the new job is and I just missed it?)

Yes, I will still be posting while I am in training. I already have several entries typed out and saved (be on the lookout for "What I Learned While Unemployed") in case things get crazy busy. I also now have an iPhone (I love you Nathan!) which will help as well. I'm still mastering the keyboard, so they might be short. I am also planning to update my food journal as well. I'm also not sure how to attach pictures that are on the phone in blogger (I haven't tried it yet), so it may be that when I get home, there will be 2 weeks of posts there. We'll see.

Oh, yes, my new job. I am trained as and have been working as a therapist. Mostly little kids, with some drug rehab thrown in there. I just couldn't do it anymore. I will be starting a higher-paying job (yipee!) working with a "revenue recovery" program to help uninsured hospitalized individuals get health coverage, either through government aid or charitable programs. I'm still working with people, getting to do the part of my profession that I like, and I get to learn a whole new set of skills. The nerd in me is very excited.

LainB asked

random question -- I know your post headings have to do with songs, but how do you choose each day?

You know, that process is more random than your question. Some days, I have a song stuck in my head. Some days, I put on iTunes and hit shuffle and post a line from the song playing. Some days the lyric actually applies. Some days I ask Nathan for a line. And some days, I just pull from my favorite songs, or song lines that remind me of something in particular. And I honestly don't know which song some of them came from. (Today's is from one of my favorite songs. Anyone know? Without putting it into Google?)

Eva asked (in reference to this salad)

that looks amazing...did i miss the post where you said what it is?? including salad and gave the recipe??

The one thing I don't like about my new layout is that it doesn't show links in the text. All recipes are on my recipe blog, and I almost always link them in the text. If you like something, look for the name, put your cursor over it, and click! But I don't put a picture of everything I cook on this blog, so make sure you check out Growl in my Tummy! (I also keep an almost-daily photo food journal at Tryin' on a Brand New Dress. I'll update it much more frequently since I can just take pics with my iPhone instead of hauling out my big camera in restaurants!)

Speaking of my other blogs, over on GimT, CountryJacket asked about the point value of the Sausage and Pepper Quiche. (There are 3 links in that sentence! Go ahead, find them!) The recipe makes 2 9-inch pans. For a quarter of one pan, (1/8 of the recipe - which is a lot) there are 496 calories, 32 grams of fat, and no fiber. Wow. That's why I can't do points anymore. The thought of having to flip over the points finder would have really freaked me out and I wouldn't have eaten this. But it fits well within my calorie allotment and it is so satisfying.

But it's not all about me! I read your blogs as well!

And you guys give me great ideas! My calendar was actually someone else's idea through the Healthy You Challenge. I honestly expected to see pictures of them all over the place yesterday. Where are they? And someone suggested shopping at thrift stores for in-between clothes. I never thought I'd find any that would fit me, but I spent $78 yesterday on 2 pairs of pants, 2 button-up shirts, 2 sweaters, (all high-end brands) and really cute Coach clutch at Plato's closet. Minus shoes, that's almost a whole work wardrobe! Thanks so much for the idea!

I hope I am able to keep up with the commenting while I am gone. If not, know that I have you on my reader and will probaby be spending all my breaks in training reading about you!

Have a great Saturday!

thank you, clarity

2008-02-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

January Wrap-Up

(Calendar stickers are for exercise)

Starting Weight 1/1 - 239

Ending Weight 1/31 - 226.2

Weight Loss - 12.8

Total Calories - 44,546

Average Calories per Day - 1437

Total Minutes Exercised - 1890

Average Minutes per Day - 61

Average Calories Burned per Day - 571

Goals for Februrary:

1. No Scale. I will judge my progress on fitting into particular clothing. Pictures (and not flattering ones) will come after my shower.

2. I will exercise for 2,000 minutes in February. The month is 2 days shorter, and I will be out of town for literally half of the month, so this will really be a challenge for me. But I will do it!

3. I will continue to record every bite, lick, and taste in Spark People. I will keep my average between 1400 and 1450.

4. I will continue my Calendar. I will have 2 stickers this month - one for exercise and one for being within the 1200-1500 calorie range. (I was there 20 days in January.)

ain't that what you want them to know

2008-01-31T08:58:00.000-05:00

My pedicure is beautiful. I have a sore left-foot-ring-toe. I don't remember any pain, but she obviously hurt my toe. Oh well. I needed a gym day off anyway. And I planned on doing yoga/pilates, so I should be fine.

(And I've got a great "Scale-Free February" graphic showing my great toes, but I can't get it to load! I'm not giving up, just posting anyway. You'll see it soon!)

I am incredibly proud of myself. We went out to dinner after church last night. We went to Ramsey's - sort of a local Cracker Barrel type joint. Others at the table had big breakfasts, a fried buffalo chicken sandwich, chicken-fried steak. And what did I have? A chicken sandwich. A small grilled chicken breast on whole-wheat toast with tomatoes, lettuce, sprouts, and avocado. And how was it? AWESOME! It was exactly what I wanted! I felt full and satisfied and proud that I stuck to plan. I didn't feel slighted or angry or anything. It was great.

I wanted to publically announce that I have the best husband ever. He also thinks I need an iPhone. Yeah. So within the next few days, I'll have a new toy. (The phone is in his name, so he'll have to be with me to get the number switched.) But the best part is the conversation that occurred in the car last night:

Nate: Yeah, go ahead. Get the iPhone. It's fine.
Me: Sweet. You'll get some really good sex when I bring it home.
Nate: Oh, is that what it takes? Wait. That's not what I meant!
Me: So it's not always really good?
Nate: That's not what I meant!

And that conversation made it impossible for him to renig.

how could I forget you, girl

2008-01-30T17:04:00.000-05:00

Today I had my first official argument with my body/mind/soul whatever.. It was not pretty.

I had breakfast and went to the gym. It was pretty much horrible. I can typically spend days on the treadmill, but about 12 minutes in, I was incredibly bored. I was even watching Arrested Development and that didn't help. About 27 minutes in, the lovely lady to my left dismounted the Arc Trainer. "Great!" I thought. "I can try that for a while and I'll feel better!" And after 30 minutes on the treadmill, I went to the new machine.

30 seconds into the Arc Trainer, I knew I had been fooling myself. It was not better. I only spent 3 minutes on it before I was ready to shoot it. My body felt awkward. I felt like I was having to put way too much energy into it, compared to other days. At 15 minutes, I too dismounted.

And I went to the weights/circuit machines. And there I rocked. For a solid 45 minutes, I lifted, grunted, squeezed, crunched, etc. And I felt really really good. I wanted to watch What Not to Wear, so I decided to go to the old standby: the bike.

I hated it. Every pedal felt like I was truding through knee-high mud. I convinced myself that I had to do 15 minutes. I figured that was long enough for me to power through. At that point, I would either be fine and be able to finish out my show or I would give myself permission to quit.

And at 15 minutes, I quit. I literally just could not do it. And I was frustrated.

But did I binge? Did I get down on myself? Did I drive through Culvers?

No.

I decided to reward myself for all my hard work. And it was fun.

I went to Lane Bryant 'cause I had a coupon. I can now wear dresses in the smallest size that they carry! I would have bought two, but they were overpriced. (Or would be underworn. Why buy a dress for the same amount as pants? I could get away with wearing the dress, what, twice a month? But I can wear the pants twice a week with different tops and no one is any wiser!) Oh, yeah, I bought these brown dress pants and this awesome green sweater. I need work attire!

I then headed to the cell phone store. I need an new cell phone. Mine randomly hangs up on people and gives a busy signal. But I have decided to wait until I have a few paychecks and can convince Nathan that I really need an iPhone. (Wish me luck!)

And then, since tomorrow is my last weigh-in for a while, I decided I needed a pedicure for the scale picture. And I just deserve it. It was an amazing pedicure, and the magazine at my chair was the weight loss issue of People. Groovy!

Now it's time to wake Nate from his nap and head to church. Have a great Wednesday!

not way over in a bucket seat

2008-01-29T19:18:00.000-05:00

Poor Nathan. We had a repeat of last night's dinner tonight. I had difficulty with the cheese last night, but I rocked it tonight. I don't think he had any complaints.

I'm starting to realize that I go back to work next week. I am excited, but nervous. I have nothing to wear!

I have officially decided to do a Scale-Free February. And I'm working on some cool graphic for anyone who wants to join me.

Thanks everyone for all the nice comments. I am still mildly frustrated, but that's got a fire under my butt, so that's okay.

Almost time to go to the gym! I love working out to Biggest Loser. There's gonna be drama tonight...the ads make it look like Jillian cries! It's gonna be a good one!

tell each other fairy tales

2008-01-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

I was really angry yesterday with my maintaining after hard work. But it didn't push me to binge, it instead pushed me to the gym. (That's a huge victory for me.) But enough about me. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone.

This has been a tough scale week for us healthy bloggers. Some of us are struggling for motivation as the "newness" of 2008 has worn off. But what troubles me more are those of us who are totally rocking our eating and workouts, and the scale is not cooperating.

Fat Bridesmaid has totally kicked butt in the gym and the scale hasn't moved for several weeks. But she's not giving up! She has my quote for the week:

I hate plateaus. I hate them because they seem fundamentally unfair. You work hard, you make sacrifices, and fight temptation, and what do you get to show for it? Nothing. It's like your body gives you the once over, a sarcastic grin and says Ha! Try again fatty.

My dear friend Sarah actually gained a pound despite 796 minutes at the gym the previous week. And she's hanging in there!

I love Briana. And her scale is going in the wrong direction! She has totally rocked 50 pounds off, and now she's a little confused about her scale. What I love about her is she has found some specific things she didn't do so well and is making changes to her eating to fix it.

But, as always, back to me. I hate the scale today. What really frustrates me is the inability to know exactly what I need to change for the scale to be different next week. Yes, I had an IC Mocha. BUT I stayed within my SparkPeople calorie range for that day. But I have typically been eating below what the site says I should eat. I eat based on my hunger and I quit before I am full. When I figure up my calories as points, I am eating significantly below my recommended point value. Should I be eating more? But I'm not hungry for more! What if I eat more and GAIN? I'd just die! But what if I keep eating 1500 calories a day and don't lose either? (Insert frustrated scream here.)

When I did Weight Watchers before, I genuinely half-assed the program. I wrote down *most* of what I ate. I exercised a few times a week, but I never sweated like I have this year. I was focused *most* weekends, but never really committed 100%. And I lost 46 pounds in a year. And now I'm doing this health thing 95% (I stand by that number!) and I maintain? What?

I know I ususally ooze positivity. Maybe it's the scale. Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's boredom from not working. All I know is I'm frustrated. And frustration is motivating me to keep trudging.

I'm seriously thinking about taking a "Scale-Free February" and setting a goal of exercise minutes or calories or something. Maybe it would help if I could judge my success on numbers I can control instead of the somewhat-arbitrary scale. I mean, I'm going to be out of town for half of the month, and no access to my scale, so why not see what happens?

Because the lack of accountablility of a scale might push me over the edge into craziness and eating and laziness?

(Yes, insert another frustrated scream at this point.)

my hero zero

2008-01-28T08:22:00.000-05:00

226.8 - 226.8 = zero. What?

Well, this week I stayed the same. (And my toenails are seriously chipped, thus the socks.)

Breakdown of the week that was:

Average daily calories: 1513

Exercise: 5 days for 6 hours and 40 minutes total

I am not happy, but I am not frustrated. I'm just not cutting any more corners. No more Panera. No more being lazy. Just hard freaking work.

The next two weeks I'll be weighing on Sundays, due to being out of town during the week for new job. And then I'll be in Atlanta (far from my native Kentucky) from 2/10 - 2/20, so I don't know what my posting will be like in that time.

Happy Monday! Good luck on the scale!

I fall down sometimes, but I'm not letting go

2008-01-27T22:29:00.000-05:00

I had a little bit of a hard day today. We went to church, good sermon. We ate lunch, where Nate and I split a single-serving pizza and a salad. We walked around Sam's, where I avoided all tasting stations.

Then we stopped by Kent's house, passing a Panera on the way. I love Panera. I am specifically drawn to their I.C. Mocha, which I believe I have referenced in previous posts. They are my krypotnite. My Starbucks drink times 10. My Achille's heel. You get my drift.

And on the way home from Kent's, I stopped and got one. Nathan asked me, "Are you sure you want one?" And I did. And it was wonderful. And then we came home and took a big nap. A two hour nap.

I thought I was recovering from yesterday's exhaustion, but that was just plain silly. Chocolate craving. Big nap. Several weeks from the last dots on my calendar. Yep, PMS is in full swing.

What's really interesting to me is that this is the first time in years that I have noticed any difference in my body at any point in my cycle. If I'm not being "good" then I really don't notice cravings and laziness 'cause I used to give in to those all the time, before they had the opportunity to get strong or really be noticed.

So what I'm saying is that I'm content with PMS. I recognize it for what it is. I had an I.C. Mocha and it wasn't the end of the world. (But if you have one and put it into Spark People, just know that the nutrition values need to be changed - the small one is actually 2 servings. I looked it up.)

AND then I fixed quiche (it was awesome!) and rode on the bike at the gym for an hour. I would have gone another hour, but someone was on the only working treadmill (why don't they ever work?) and I was losing feeling in my butt on the bike.

Well, tomorrow is weigh-in, and I really don't know what to expect. My two highest calorie days this week were yesterday and today. I guess we'll see.

jealous of the moon

2008-01-26T21:15:00.000-05:00

Today was my "Krissie Got a Job!" lunch celebraion. All in all, I think I really ate okay. I went significantly over my typical calorie intake of late, but I am still safely within what SparkPeople says should be my calorie range. Yay!

The party started with homemade Sangria. This was split between like 8 of us, so I really didn't drink that much of it. But it was really good.

Then came appetiziers. I love brie, fruit, and bread.
Nothing says Par-Tay! like roasted red pepper hummus. (Yes, I know I'm a dork.)
I think I did really well with the appetizers, as my plate looked like this: (Don't you love my Incredible Hulk plate?)

Then I made Beef and Burgundy. Now there's a little more butter than I usually cook with, but I am choosing this as a Celebration food. And that's okay. I ate one ladle full, over about 3/4 cup of brown rice, so all in all I think I did really well.

My dear friend, Nicole, is aware of how I'm trying to be good. So she made this Pineapple Cake. It's angel food cake, whipped cream, pineapples, sugar free pudding mix, and strawberries. I could have eaten it all day. But I had a slice at the party, and another slice for dinner.
For dinner, I also had two more small slices of brie, a strawberry, and two little slivers of bread. And a small mocha latte from Starbucks.

Nathan is at the gym. I feel terrible for not going, but I am exhausted. It was a long day. A good day, of course, but entertaining exhausts me. It's 9:30, and I'm getting ready to curl up in bed with a book.

It blows my mind how exhaustion changes my entire attitude. I know I did very well food-wise today. We had a great time with our friends. I have a job! I have an amazing husband. But being too tired to go to the gym makes me feel like a total failure and makes me want to attack the leftover hummus. That is why I need to go upstairs, away from the kitchen.

i was blind to let you go

2008-01-25T18:12:00.001-05:00

I cleaned house all day today. Now, we've only been in our house since September. And it was brand new when we moved in.

I thought I'd done a pretty good job with keeping things clean. I spray the shower with the preventative stuff every day. I clean the kitchen counter almost every day. We scoop the litter every day and use the dust broom for the litter that escapes. We vacuum, make the bed, keep clothes put away, and clean the mirrors.

But until I really started to clean, I didn't realize how dirty our house was. The floor of the shower was not pretty. There was a lot of dust on the bottom of our night stands. I had been seriously neglecting the nooks and crannies of our house, and I didn't realize how much I needed to fix until I really started doing it.

I realized the state of my house really echoes my life. I didn't realize how much I needed to clean up until I made the first step.

A few months ago, I thought I was doing okay. I ate an apple every day. We went walking more days than not and I went to the gym once a week or so. I cooked foods that were mostly healthy. I really think that if you would have asked me to grade my health, I would have given myself a B.

I don't know which came first, frustration with my health or frustration with my job. I think it's a "chicken or egg" thing. But I have made huge changes in my life since Christmas. I've seriously cut back my portions, I've got a new job (I start in one week!), and I exercise almost every day. And if you'd ask me now to grade my health, I'd give myself a C. I don't eat a balanced diet. Some days I eat no vegetables. Most days the only fruit I eat is with breakfast. I only strength trained one day this week. I ate white rice yesterday and today. I still have my daily Starbucks drink. I am very proud of the changes I have made, but I still have a long way to go.

All I know is I am twenty times healthier than I was 6 months ago, or even 6 weeks ago. But I thought I was doing mostly okay then. But I've realized that I've got a lot of work to do. And I'm excited. 'Cause in the end, everything will be clean, and I'll be healthy all the way around.

i have my reasons why

2008-01-24T19:08:00.000-05:00

Today, Cammy at the Tippy Toe Diet posted her Motivaton List. And that got me thinking. Why am I doing this?

I want to feel strong.
I hate HATE being a snorer. There's only so much mocking I can take.
I want to be a runner. And collect 5K t-shirts.
I want to be a Mom someday.
I want to take classes at the gym. I'm way too self-conscious for that now.
I want to buy clothes that fit, not just grab the biggest size Old Navy carries and hope that it fits.
I want to buy vacation clothes like Angie's.

Maybe in a few days I'll dig out my list from this time last year (I know generally where it is) and maybe make a few additions.

I got my New Employee packet for my new job today. I start work February 4th. I get to train in a town close to my hometown (about 2 hours from my house) so I'll be staying with my parents for that week. I'm a little bummed to leave Nate for a week, but I'm excited to see my old friends, maybe go to the gym with my brother, and cook with my parents.

I spent an hour on the treadmill today. I was really sore from the weight lifting yesterday. I tried this new chicken recipe today. Nathan's tummy was very happy. I'm getting ready to make some figure-friendly cupcakes. I need more calories today, and what better way to get them than from chocolate! (I know there are many better ways, but I have been so good!)

I'm so bummed there's no new Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights. I'm just so lost!

where did you get those high top shoes?

2008-01-23T14:17:00.000-05:00

Hello Wednesday!

Today has been rockin'. And I have the battle scars to prove it. Unfortunatley, I have been unable to get photographic evidence of my injuries. I really wish it were warm here in Kentucky so I could wear a skirt and I could answer the question, "Where did you get those bruises?"

Well, I'll tell you.

My first injury came from this machine. I had pulled the peg that makes the little pads swing from the outside to the inside of my thighs. Well, somehow it banged my shin. I have a few scratches, and something that may be a bruise.

And then, for my final machine, I stopped here. I was a little ambitious, I'll admit. I did more weight than I probably should have, but I was in true Jillian mode. So when I finished my leg presses, and I swung my legs off the machine, they went more quickly than I had anticipated, causing contact with where my feet were, and leaving a nice scratch on my right knee, not far above my bruised shin. (Nice run-on sentence, Krissie.) (Oh yes! Thanks for noticing!)

As I was tending to my battle wounds, I realized that I *almost* have definition in my legs. Almost! And I've been doing this for, what, 3 weeks? How different will my body look in 3 months? I am totally psyched. (Oh, I spent 15 minutes on the treadmill, 30 on the Arc trainer/Elliptical Machine-Thingy, 15 on the bike, and 40 doing the weight machines.)

Tonight, to celebrate my employment, my friends, Nathan, and I are going to Regatta after Bible study. I'm thinking I can be pretty well-behaved: a cocktail, a salad, a grilled fish, (or maybe shrimp!) and a steamed veggie. And then the 5 of us can all split one dessert. I think I hae my evening planned!

Have a great day everyone!

you haven't worn the old one yet

2008-01-22T15:22:00.000-05:00

Krissie got a job! Krissie got a job!

I got Job #1. The one I really wanted. I start on February 4th. I'll train for a week or so (probably staying with my parents 'cause I'll be in that area) and then I'll be spending 2 weeks in Atlanta.

That is very exciting, but stressful, to me.

What will I eat? What will Nathan eat? Will I be able to keep up my gym habits?

Okay, to be honest, I'm more concerned with what Nathan will eat than what I will eat. I know he's a grown man (thanks for reminding me, Mom), I know he can cook, I know he knows where Chic-Fil-A is...but I like taking care of him. No, I LOVE taking care of him. He does so much for me. He shows me so much unconditional love. And one of the ways I show that back to him is in cooking. So I'm cooking huge meals and stocking the freezer. He won't even know I'm gone!

Speaking of new job, I will have to slowly fix my wardrobe. I have been working in a very casual environment. I wore my favorite gray lounge pants to work weekly. That can't happen now. I'm in a professional environment. I realize that I will be doing a lot of repeating, not only because I don't have the financial means to purchase a new wardrobe, but I'm not going to be able to wear my current size for much longer anyway.

My current size. Sigh. What exactly is my current size? I don't have any idea. I wanted a congratulatory employment gift today. I went to Kohl's looking for one of these (they were in their ad this week), but of course, they didn't have any. They did have several pieces in my motivation to be thin: the Simply Vera line. I ended up buying an awesome gray sweater (no link - I can't find it online) for $22. And it was a Large. Not XX, not even X, just L. I realize it was probably a fluke, but I have poured myself into XXLs for a LONG time. I feel like this was my first L of many. (Don't tell Nate, but I also spent $20 on a grey and black dress. It was an XL. But it is HOT.)

My plan for the evening is to spend the Biggest Loser 2 hours at the gym - 1 hour on the treadmill and 1 hour on the bike.

Now it's time for me to make dinner. I'm very excited, but you'll have to check out my food pictures later to see it.

Where are my food pics, you ask? They will be here from now on. I mentioned several days ago that posting food pics is kinda an excuse for me to be shallow here to meet my self-imposed daily blog requirement. No more. You'll have to click on the link on the right for "Tryin' on a Brand New Dress." You won't be disappointed.

Keep rocking ladies!

if you could love someone like me

2008-01-21T22:20:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those mornings when everything seems wrong? That was the first few hours of my day. I used to have substantial headaches several times a week. Today was my first headache of the year. I was hoping that my new healthy lifestyle would make my headaches a thing of the past. So my anger/frustration/disappointment with my loss was really meant for my headache. But I took 2 Aleve, Nathan got me a Starbucks drink, I laid on the couch and watched X-Files, and all was fine by noon or so.

And you guys are right. I am proud of my loss. I worked hard for every ounce that I lost this week. I earned it! And I am not doing this for any number. I am doing this for me, and the way I feel.

Kinda along the same lines, I loved the sermon at church this weekend. He talked about how part of human nature is to ask "Why?" We want answers so we can put things in a nice little box and understand everything. He spoke of how Jesus didn't focus on the "why" but instead focused on what could be done, what needed to be changed. And then He did it.

I think I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out the "why" with my weight. I don't know how many of you are familiar with my history, but it looks something like this.

I thought I was fat in high school. I wore a 12. (I look back at pictures now and think I was so pretty!) Then I went to college and dated a runner. The one thing he wanted from me was for me to be athletic. I had no interest in that at all. We broke up, and to spite him, I began to run. I can remember visualizing his face on the pavement with every step I ran. I have no idea how much I weighed when I started, but I had to go out and buy new clothes by the time I was over him. I had this gray t-shirt dress that I loved. It was a large. (Isn't it terrible that I got healthy out of spite?)

It was at this point in my life that I started dating my husband. I weighed 175. I felt hot. Over the next 3 years, I got lazy. That's all there is to it. I moved to Lexington. I lived with my little brother and his best friend. I went to grad school. I ate a lot of foods that were horrible for me (hot pockets and frozen burritos), and I paid for gym memberships that I didn't use. And I was happy. I really was.

Then we get engaged. I had our wedding to look forward to. I went to Weight Watchers in March of 2003 and weighed 221. We got married in July 2003 and I weighed 199. For the next few months, I kept losing and my lowest weight was 176.

And then I hit a plateau. A plateau that lasted for 6 months, yo-yo-ing the same 4 pounds. And then life happened. I threw myself into a new job. We bought a huge old house. I started cooking convenience foods. Our elliptical machine started making terrible noises. I despised the Weight Watchers leader in our new town. I reverted back to old patterns - and the creamy, buttery foods tasted great eating them in front of the television again. I hit a weight of 239. Then I started to blog, made several unsuccessful attempts at Weight Watchers, got a new job and moved (again!) and a year later, I was still at 239. Through all of this, I was busy and life got kinda crazy, but for the most part I was happy.

And that brings me to ringing in 2008.

But getting back to my point. I don't have a big, all-encompassing "why." As much as I have tried to analyze myself over the years (and I am a therapist), I cannot come up with any trauma, or particurarly self-defeating patterns that have led to my lack of health. It has really made me nervous hearing things like, "You'll never keep the weight off if you don't have a handle on why you were fat in the first place." Like I won't be successful if I don't confront people who enabled me or if I don't deal with my deep-rooted psychological issues.

Screw that! I gained weight because I like butter, sugar, and fast food. I love food in large quantities. I gained weight because I like television and movies, and I like to eat while I watch. I like to lay around on the couch, covered in blankets, with my Scully cat on my lap. I became fat because I focused on what I wanted to do and eat as opposed to what I needed to do and eat. It's as easy as that.

It is okay that I don't have a specific "why" in my life. It is not imporant. What is important is the "what." What am I doing about my weight?

I am recording every-little-thing that I eat. I am trying very hard to distinguish between "hungry" and "munchy." I am only eating when I am hungry, and then I am eating until I am not hungry. I'm not eating to "full" just "not hungry."

I am exercising 6 days a week. I am exercising as hard as I can for as long as I can. When my body tells me to stop, I stop - unless it's in the first 10 minutes. Then I'm just being a whimp.

I have been given this body - it may be flabby, but it does what I ask it to do. It's a good body. It knows its limits, it knows its needs. I just need to get my head and emotions out of it and let it do what it wants to do, and it wants to be healthy.

I think a big part of the sin in my life is gluttony. Being content to be lazy. Eating way beyond the fuel that my body needs. The "why" isn't important anymore. So I'm gonna stop trying to figure it out. It's what needs to be done that I need to focus on.

And I'm on it!